Live Courageously – Put Fear in its Place

Posted at March 31, 2009

Emotions Series


Fear is an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight). Fear is a powerful force, but a beautiful mind does not let fear become its chief guiding force.

Fear prevents action and modifies behavior in ways that slow down your journey to victory. Fear has its good side; it just needs to be put in its right place.

Benefits of Fear

1) Survival – Fear helps us see another day. Without fear we would walk right onto an oncoming train or play with dangerous snakes. Without fear we would be recklessly putting our lives on the line. Without fear we would be having unprotected sex with strangers. Rational fear is good and promotes our survival.

2) Excitement – Extreme sports provide an adrenaline rush that is exhilarating and exciting. Living dangerously is fun; not boring at all. I want to get a motor bike and my family and friends tell me that I will die if I do that. I fear that but it still tremendously excites me to perform dangerous stunts with a motor bike. Maybe I should first blog first before getting one, just in case.

According to psychologist Arthur Aaron, fear creates sexual excitement. Stuff happens when people curl up after watching a horror movie. Stuff happens when people are in new cites, getting lost, away from their comfort zones. Fear can provide a powerful form of excitement and there are people who are addicted to living dangerously and pushing the envelop; for that one more bit of excitement brought about by fear.

3) Behavior Modification – Fear of rejection, fear of being ostracized or bullied or even the fear of offending others helps in modifying people’s behaviors to make them socially acceptable. Fear of paying traffic fines or fear of drink driving accidents helps people modify their behavior for the better.

Common Fears & Phobias

Everybody has their own fears and phobias. According to a 2005 Gallup Poll, the top fears by people are

1) Snakes
2) Public Speaking
3) Heights
4) Claustrophobia
5) Spiders and Insects
6) Needles and Shots
7 ) Mice
8)  Flying

According to the Discovery Channel, the top fears are:

1) Fear of Snakes
2) Fear of Being Buried Alive
3) Fear of Heights
4) Fear of Being Bound and Tied Up
5) Fear of Drowning
6) Fear of Public Speaking
7 ) Fear of Hell
8 ) Fear of Cancer
9) Fear of Tornadoes and Hurricanes
10) Fear of Fire

In his classic book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill listed six basic fears. He reckoned that most human beings suffer each of these fears from time to time.

1) The Fear of Poverty
2) The Fear of Criticism
3) The Fear of Ill Health
4) The Fear of Loss of Love of Someone
5) The Fear of Old Age
6) The Fear of Death

Fear of Failure

Many people are paralyzed from taking action by the fear of failure. They fear trying out things or taking action in the belief that they may fail by doing so.

Living in fear of failure means you will only attain a fraction of your success. It is best to dissect what it is you fear and take appropriate steps to correct the fear.

The Effects of Fear of Failure in Daily Life

1) Finances – Many people fear taking risks, even calculated risks in their quest for financial freedom. But in many cases, unless you are willing to venture out of your comfort zone financially, you may never reap big enough dividends to be free. Other people fear going broke or missing opportunities. People who fear missing opportunities end up chasing every opportunity that presents itself.

2) Career – Fearing that you are going to lose your job might be a genuine fear in a recession economy, but it reduces the creativity and output of a worker. People who fear taking career risks end up in mediocre roles that they hate but are too afraid to move way from.

3) Friendships – People fear being ostracized by their friends if they do not conform to the “code of conduct”. That code of conduct normally means peer pressure. People end up conforming to the whims of others to avoid rejection and humiliation. It is a great personal victory to overcome these types of fears.

4) Relationships – Many people never truly give themselves to their relationship partners because of the fear of being heart broken. They hold back and this in turn makes the partners suspect that the person is not fully committed to the relationship. Fear can prevent the deep feeling of love in relationships. The fear of commitment can also hinder relationships where one or both partners fear that their freedom will be taken away from them once they commit to the relationship. Other people end up staying in bad relationships that are emotionally draining or physically abusive because of the fear of being alone. That kind of fear can be destructive to the well being of each person in the relationship

Fear of Success

Many fear people that even after succeeding they still wont be happy. That fear can be very limit to your success. For example if you goal is to get rich and you believe that rich people are evil and will go to hell, then you might end up sabotaging yourself so you do not become rich, hence not go to hell. Clarifying your goals and making them congruent with your belief system can help with this.

Sometimes people fear that once they succeed, they will stand out from their friends and make enemies out of them. In Australia, it is called the fear of the Tall Poppy Syndrome.

People fear that success might be sweet then end. They may fear that success is not sustainable. They rationalize for example that it is better to never taste luxury and success, than taste it then lose it. People who are obese and want to lose weight might fear succeeding for a period then putting the weight back on, thus feeling like failures.

People fear that chasing success is like chasing the wind and that the more you get the more you will want. They might rationalize that it is better to stop chasing success than to become a slave of chasing more and more success eternally.

Our Greatest Fear

I like this quote by Marianne Williamson.

“It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” —Marianne Williamson

Live Courageously

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Summary

Fear has its place in survival and behavior modification, but it can paralyze progress. Successful people should learn about fear and manage it, and even harness it to get the results that they want. Understand fear and put fear in its place. What kind of fears do you have? Are they limiting your success? What can you do to face or address your fears?


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