A Magic Word Called Empathy

Posted at February 17, 2009

People Series

Given a long enough time line, people do not remember what you say to them. They only remember how you made them feel. Be careful how you make people feel. Be sensitive about people’s emotional states.  Take the time to be more attuned to emotions and adjust our words to suit the occasion or prevailing mood.

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the ability to share in another person’s emotional state. It means putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. Empathy does not mean changing your emotional state to be a duplicate of another person’s emotional state. It does not mean pitying or being compassionate. It means trying to understand where they are coming from.

Why Empathy Matters

Empathy helps you connect with people deeply. Empathy helps avoid conflict and increase mutual respect. Empathy helps you succeed with people.

If you understand how a person is feeling, you are better able to adjust your words or behavior to avoid confrontation or upsetting that person. Without empathy, a parent would not instinctively cover their baby when the temperature drops to a lower level than the baby is able to handle. Without empathy, you would be cracking dirty jokes to people who have just received sad news. Without empathy, you would be on Facebook chatting while your employer scratches his head wondering who he is going to fire.

Emotional Barometer

One thing that I have learned to add to my success arsenal is an emotional barometer. I am still developing this aspect of my life and for good reason.

You need to have a way of tracking the emotional states of those around you. Your success is determined by what goes on in your mind, as well as the people around you. You may have everything going for you but if you are not in tune with other people’s emotions, you may not achieve some goals.

You need to know when people are happy, confident, afraid, disappointed, excited, sad, jealous or negative. Many people I have met have emotional roller coasters though some try to hide it. You need to become adept at telling how a person is really feeling at any moment in time.

People are different and even one person’s emotional state may change with the flick of a switch. If you do not have a good barometer, you may find yourself saying the wrong thing. You may be caught up in the inertia of the previous emotion. A statement that could have been funny a minute ago could cost you a friendship depending on the person’s new emotional state.

Empathy Baby Steps

Emotion is said to be the first language that children learn. Children will attempt to comfort a fellow crying baby showing that they are born empathetic. You were born to have empathy and you can hone it as a skill for success using the power of baby steps.

The more time you spend with someone, the more it is likely that you will understand their emotional state. If understanding someone’s emotional state does not come naturally for you, do not despair. You can practice the skill over time. All you need is to be aware you are developing a new skill. Then start practicing reading people’s emotions and adjusting your words and behavior to suit the situation. Within no time you will become a master of empathy.

Empathy in Practice

You can apply empathy in relationships, friendships, business, and careers and even in blogging. I have to put myself in your shoes to be able to communicate my ideas clearly and inspire you to be the best you can be. It is not always easy but I hope to become better at it with time.

In your human relationships, work on developing a good emotional barometer of the person or people around you. Without understanding each others’ emotional states, it is hard to communicate and move along in harmony.

In business, you need to be empathetic to the emotional states of your customers. Why do customers buy Harley Davidson motorcycles? It is for the sense of belonging to the club. Understand the motivation behind your customers and stakeholders. Understand your customers’ emotional states in various situations, seasons or state of the economy.

Think of ways you can be more in tune with the emotional state of someone today. Go ahead and work on your emotional barometer.


Series Navigation«Stuff Positive People LikeThe Curse of Conformity»

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