The Curse of Conformity

Posted at February 16, 2009

People Series

What if you dared to be different? What if you did not feel the need to conform to social norms or succumb to peer-pressure? What impact would that have on your happiness and success? Many of us do not realize that by trying to conform to social conditioning, we may be unknowingly limiting our success. If you do what everyone else is doing, what will make you special? What will give you an edge?

I did not choose to be born on a small farm in the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya. Abdul Mohamed did not choose to be born on the mountains of Afghanistan. Andy Maxwell did not choose to be born in New Jersey, USA. We did not choose to be born in one place or into a particular way of life.

The way of life we are born into determines to a large extent our outlook, beliefs, religion etc. This is because people feel the need to conform to what they were born into. That is ok when you are young. But as we grow older and have dreams of our own, it is a good idea to reconsider what to conform to.

What is Conformity?

According to Wikipedia, Conformity is the process by which an individual’s attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors are influenced by other people. This influence occurs in both small groups and society as a whole, and it may be the result of subtle unconscious influences, or direct and overt social pressure.

The Genesis of Conformity

Conformity begins at birth and continues through out life. Every time a person joins a group, they first learn what the group is about and try to conform to its way of life. These groups may be religious, professional, social, family or interest based groups.  You can choose what you want to conform to or not to conform to by the kind of groups you join. If you do not want to conform to an idlers group ideals, then avoid that group like a plague. Avoid groups that conflict with your value system and goals in life.

Peer Pressure Devil

People generally want to be accepted in the groups they join or the society within which they belong. People who do not conform to the ideas behind the group are ostracized, bullied or made fun of. To avoid this, many people will shelve their thinking caps and moral standards to be able to conform to the groups. It starts at an early age in school. Popular kids who are part of the “in group” may tease the less popular kids making them feel pressured to do things they would not normally do.

Peer pressure extends through out life. People feel like they need to prove themselves to others or look the part. Many people get in debt because of social pressure to keep up with the Joneses and the Kardashians of this world.

Peer pressure can cause relationship trouble when people get to relationships for social pressure reasons instead of love. Relationships can crack if the partners succumb to social pressure, allowing outsider influence on how they treat each other.

Peer pressure also affects people’s morals, standard of living, ambition, tastes and much more. You can avoid peer pressure by choosing who you allow to your life, and developing strength of character and setting/sticking with your boundaries. It is not easy but can be done with a disciplined and persistent approach.

The Purple Cow

I recently read Seth Godin’s new book, Purple Cow. The book talks about transforming your business by being remarkable. In today’s competitive world, you cannot afford to be ordinary. Ordinary is the new invisible. You’re either a Purple Cow or you’re not. You’re either remarkable or invisible. Make your choice.

Here is what Seth Godin wrote:

“While driving through France a few years ago, my family and I were enchanted by the hundreds of storybook cows grazing in lovely pastures right next to the road. For dozens of kilometers, we all gazed out the window, marveling at the beauty. Then, within a few minutes, we started ignoring the cows. The new cows were just like the old cows, and what was once amazing was now common. Worse than common: It was boring.

Cows, after you’ve seen them for a while, are boring. They may be well-bred cows, Six Sigma cows, cows lit by a beautiful light, but they are still boring. A Purple Cow, though: Now, that would really stand out. The essence of the Purple Cow — the reason it would shine among a crowd of perfectly competent, even undeniably excellent cows — is that it would be remarkable. Something remarkable is worth talking about, worth paying attention to. Boring stuff quickly becomes invisible.”

Become Remarkable

You become remarkable by daring to be different. You become remarkable by stepping up your game. If you do things the same as everyone else, you will get the same results. I encourage you to find your angle. Bring something different to the table. Do not conform to what everyone else does, especially in business and careers. Be remarkable. Be different. Be the best you can be.


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