Betrayal and the Enemy

Happy Easter my friends! I have just been reading the story of Judas Iscariot. He was one of the disciples of Jesus in the bible. His job description was to watch the money bag. Unfortunately he got tempted with a few pieces of silver and betrayed Jesus. This act assured him a place in history books as the most famous betrayer. He betrayed Jesus with a Kiss hence the phrase “the kiss of Judas”. The poor guy felt so bad for doing it that he committed suicide. Betrayal is a sad act for the person betrayed and the betrayer. It is not easily forgiven and has the tendency to end friendships, tarnish reputations or turn friends into enemies.

Betrayal is the breaking of a social contract (trust, or confidence) that causes conflict between individuals or between corporations. Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever felt that someone you trusted acted against you or aided your enemies? Have you ever been “stabbed in the back”? How do you look upon people who betray their friends?

Forms of Betrayal

• Infidelity – This is the most commonly talked about form of betrayal. It is very painful for the person betrayed in a relationship. It is the violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship that leads to heartache, anger and resentment.
• Betrayal in Friendships – Friends can stab each other in the back. Be careful of how much trust you put in your friends and who you let in your circle of trust. People are mainly self serving and your interests and theirs may not always be in line.
• Betrayal in Politics – Politicians may betray their electorates or country. They may renege on their pre-election promises. They may defect from one party to another or support motions in parliament that break the trust of their supporters.
• Betrayal in Family – Family members may break each others’ trust by speaking ill of each other behind backs. They may lie to each other or not support each other at hours of need.
• Financial Betrayal – Many investors risk their money to companies that may betray their trust by not being open about the true state of their investments or profitability.
• Workplace Betrayal – Employees may betray the trust given to them by their employers and engage in activities not benefiting the companies. Employers on the other hand may betray hardworking employees with false promises for the sake of using the employees.
• Childhood Betrayal – Parents may betray their children by not disciplining them or not being there for them. People in positions of trust (e.g. clergy, teachers, adults etc) have been known to abuse children and this leads to long term negative effects on the lives of children.

The Fear of Betrayal

Suspicion of potential betrayal is detrimental to quality relationships. A couple that fears broken trust is likely to spend more time looking for evidence of betrayal than in building the relationship. The fear of betrayal is a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more one looks for the signs of betrayal, the more likely they are to precipitate betrayal.

The fear of betrayal is paralyzing. It can be very consuming and cause people to spend time and money trying to confirm or allay their fears. The private investigation business thrives based on this fear. Being too complacent is dangerous and you should know where to draw a line between fearing betrayal and working on a relationship. It is better to walk away from an unsatisfying relationship than constantly suffer from anguish of potential betrayal.

From Friend to Enemy

Betrayal can lead to permanent enmity. Previously kindred spirits can become sworn enemies because of broken trust. It is a painful emotional blow to be betrayed by a trusted partner, family member or friend. The pain of betrayal can cause maniacal acts of revenge.

Bouncing Back from Betrayal

It is rarely easy bouncing back from betrayal. It might take time to regain trust once eroded. Care should be taken to avoid betrayal in the first place but if it happens the following tips can help in rebuilding bridges.

• Remorse – The betrayer has to show remorse. They have to show that they are genuinely sorry for their action.
• Reassurance – The betrayer must make an effort to ensure that it does not happen again and communicate this in the most sensitive way possible.
• Healing - The betrayed person must be allowed to feel the pain, and then take time to heal.
• Forgiveness – The betrayed person must forgive the betrayer and not constantly remind them of the act. They should fully forgive if they want to bounce back.
• Punishment – The betrayer must be punished for their betrayal. Punishment, however minor helps in the healing process.
• Root Cause – The root cause of the betrayal must be addressed to avoid reoccurrence.

Betrayal Quotes

• Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness. Ayn Rand

• We have to distrust each other. It is our only defence against betrayal. Tennessee Wellians

• One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though … betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. Steven Deitz

• Each betrayal begins with trust. Phish

• Betrayal is about learning not to idealize external sources. Linda Talley

Summary

Trust is like a balloon. One prick and it is gone. It is very easy to make enemies in former friends by breaking trust. The fear of broken promises or betrayal can reduce the quality of friendships. Betrayal takes many forms, with infidelity being the most common form. It is not easy to bounce back from betrayal but forgiveness, punishment, and remorse can help in the healing process.

If you have any example of betrayal, and how it affected you or someone you know, please feel free to share with us. What tips can you give the victims of betrayal? Have you got an idea of how to overcome betrayal in relationships? I would love to hear from you.

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