Guilt and her Emotional Cousins

Conscience is a powerful guilt-meter. When someone has a conscience they feel guilty for doing things that do not conform to their moral code of conduct. On the other hand, they get feelings of integrity when they do the ‘right thing’. Conscience is often referred as the little still voice within. Many people are deaf to this voice and lead a guilt free life. Guilt is a powerful emotion that has its place in human survival and success.

Guilt is a product of social conditioning. People are conditioned from childhood about what is right and what is wrong. Excessive flaunting of material wealth may feel normal to one person, and make another feel absolutely guilty. One person may tell a lie with a straight face while another spends sleepless nights agonizing about it.

The feeling of guilt is sometimes interpreted as a sign of weaknesses and can be used as a tool for emotional manipulation. If you easily feel guilty of taking a particular action, some people may use that to get you to take an action of their choice. To succeed in life, you need to understand the concept of guilt, have a clear conscience and not allow emotional blackmail.

Tips on overcoming guilt

• Accept guilt as a normal part of human emotions.
• Accept that we all make mistakes.
• Apologize for mistakes and move on, do not dwell too much on mistakes.
• Atonement – Find a way of compensating for your wrong doing by doing good.
• Forgiveness – Seek forgiveness from those you have wronged (if any) and forgive yourself.
• Counseling – Seek professional help to handle guilt if you cannot shake off guilt.

Manifestation of Guilt in Life

• Physical Health – Many weight loss and health clubs have January as their biggest months. People normally feel guilty at the start of the year for the over indulgence in December. They make new years resolutions to eat healthier and exercise more. Then eventually they start missing out a gym session, or eat something not so healthy. At first they feel guilty, but soon this guilt fades away as they slide back to old habits.

• Family - People feel guilty for not spending time with their families. A driven career person may spend a lot of time at work and outside work networking with people outside his family. He or she may feel guilty for not being there at critical moments in their family life. Depending on how one responds to the nagging guilt, they may take action to remedy the situation or become oblivious to it.

• Relationships – The best relationships are based on trust and honesty. Sometimes one partner may be less than honest. This may eat away at them; make them want to come clean by sharing what is in their mind. Depending on the level of communication in the relationship they may open up or shun the guilt emotion altogether.

• Career – Guilt may lead people to make or change career choices. For example, someone may feel guilty of not being in the career they wanted and this can affect their performance on the job. Some people feel guilty of being in positions that they feel they do not deserve. Such kind of thoughts can reduce productivity and cause one to lose focus.

• Financial Freedom – Some people may feel guilty for succeeding where others have failed. This can lead to self sabotage. There is such a thing as fear of success and it is all to do with guilt. If you want to succeed in financial terms, you need to first reconcile thoughts of prosperity in your mind. In most cases, it is not your fault that someone else is poor and you are rich. Do not feel guilty for your success especially if you have worked hard for it, and made it through delivering value to others.

• Character – People feel guilty for not being able to have self mastery or emotional control. You may find someone who argues or shouts and then feels guilty for doing so. You may find someone who swears and then feels guilty for doing so. Depending on your personal values, or normal society expectations, you may feel guilty of things that others don’t, and vice versa.

Collective Guilt

In the movie Hotel Rwanda, Joaquin Phoenix’s journalist character said “If people see this footage, they’ll go: ‘Oh my God! That’s horrible!’ and then go on eating their dinner.” People feel guilty of inequalities and atrocities that happen around the world. They feel guilty that they are living a good life while hell breaks loose elsewhere. Without this guilt, rich nations would not aid poor countries when disaster strikes. Without this guilt, rich people would not contribute to causes and charity. But just like in the movie, sometimes people may or may not feel guilty of the suffering of others. They just get on with their meals and block all else.

There was decade long debate in Australia about collective guilt of White Australians over the Aboriginal Stolen Generation. Many people felt that modern Australians should not have to apologize for the mistakes of the previous generations or carry the tag of guilt.

On Feb 12, 2009 Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd made the historic apology to Aborigines for injustices committed over two centuries of white settlement, saying he wanted “to remove a great stain from the nation’s soul.”

Collective guilt, or at least debate about it, is a powerful catalyst for change in society.

Buyer Remorse

I studied marketing at university. One of the concepts that fascinated me was buyer remorse. Buyer’s remorse is an emotional condition whereby a person feels remorse or regret after a purchase. This is mainly after making an extravagant purchase of a high ticket item. People feel guilty for buying things at the spur of the moment, for higher prices, or even for buying on credit.

A prospective buyer may get on an emotional high, thinking of the possibilities, the excitement and fun of making a purchase, but afterward feel really guilty. This may happen after they realize the financial implication or the opportunity cost of their purchase.

Astute marketers spend considerable time and resources fighting buyer remorse. Buyer remorse is responsible for people asking for their money back and can negatively impact profitability. An often used trick for fighting buyer remorse is extending the money back guarantee period in the hope that buyer remorse will subside over time.

If you often experience buyer remorse, you may want to look deeply about your beliefs on money or your spending habits. Buyer remorse is an emotional battle rooted in internal conflict about money. Do you experience buyer remorse?

Summary

Regret  and remorse are the emotional cousins of guilt.  Guilt is a feeling one gets when they do something that they believe is not in line with their character, position or values. Guilt is an emotion that can create societal changes and unearth deep seated beliefs. Guilt can manifest itself positively and negatively in different spheres of life.

I would love to hear your comments on guilt. What kind of things make you feel guilty?

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