How to put Jealousy on a Leash

Charley Reese said that if malice or envy were tangible and had a shape; it would be in the shape of a boomerang. A boomerang is a curved piece of wood; when properly thrown it returns to its thrower.  It returns to its initial position after going ‘full circle’. The word Boomerang comes from the Aboriginal language of Australia. I have thrown a few boomerangs in Australia, and if envy or jealousy is like a boomerang, we better watch out.

Jealousy is a negative emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship. It consists of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.

Jealousy has been with us for as long as man has been on earth. Cain and Abel were the first and second sons of Adam and Eve in the religions of Christianity, Islam and Judaism. Cain, a farmer, committed the first murder by killing his brother Abel, a shepherd, because of jealousy concerning God’s favoritism of Abel.

Many families with more than one kid experiences the emotion of jealousy as kids compete for their parent’s affection. If parents are not careful, sibling rivalry can get a life of its own leading to fights and mutual hatred of family members. Parents should be careful how they treat their kids to avoid planting the seeds of jealousy.

The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. Jealousy can destroy that which you are trying to build. Jealousy can reduce the quality of your life or cost you in more than one way. We shall look at how to control jealousy to avoid it coming back to bite you.

Each of us is prone to jealousy but in different degrees. There are some people who constantly have feelings of insecurity because of fear of losing loved ones. Then there are those who seem so detached, with a devil-may-care attitude.

Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy can occur when valued relationships are threatened. Many couples feel threatened by the possibility of heartbreak. Jealousy is rooted in fear and is self perpetuating. Jealous people tend to exaggerate the mistakes of others and become really creative at manufacturing scenarios where they may be hurt.

However, a little jealousy helps couples bond. It is a show of love and caring. Wanting to keep a man for herself is seen as a lady’s way of showing love in some cultures. If a man is not jealous of his wife of girlfriend, he may be seen as weak in some culture. Jealousy in this case is seen as an affirmation of love.

There is however a fine line between jealousy and domestic abuse. What may start as love may quickly turn to a hostage situation. Some couples go overboard with mutual suspicion of each others intentions and commitment. This leads to paranoia that leads to diminished trust and affection. Jealousy stems from fears and uncertainty and if those are not addressed it may lead to emotional instability, relationship breakup or crimes of passion.

Crimes of passion are crimes like assault or murder, against a spouse or other loved one because of sudden strong impulse such as a jealous rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime.

Professional Jealousy

Professional jealousy refers to the negative emotions that result from perceived disparities in fortunes. It can lead to stunted professional growth.

Examples of professional jealousy situations include, colleagues being jealous of one another because of missed promotions, salary levels, relationships with others in the workplace or awards & achievements.

Professional jealousy can also be as a result of one person or company experiencing a higher level of success. Instead of being jealous of others, it is best to carve your own niche and succeed on your terms.

Taming Jealousy

• Trust – Lack of trust in relationships is a major cause of jealousy. Couples who do not trust each others commitment or love are most likely to be jealous. Trust is earned overtime and couples should focus on actively building and maintaining trust as a foundation for a loving relationship.
• Communication – Without communication it is hard to understand each other. Without understanding each other, people are left to make assumptions about others. When you make assumptions about what the other person is up to, you may find yourself being jealous over matters that could have been sorted through communication.
• Confidence – Jealousy is caused by insecurity and lack of confidence. If you fear that your loved one may leave you because of ABC or D, then fix those things. Instead of cowering in fear, rectify the situation. Do whatever it takes to build your self confidence. It is your responsibility to be self confident not your partners. Do what you have to do to become confident in your abilities, looks and personality. If you have to hit the gym, make more money, or be better groomed, just do it.
• Acceptance - You have to accept that people are different and even in relationships; no two people ever merge to become one. You will always find something wrong in your partner if you look for it. Accept that there are some things that you cannot change about people and learn to live with it or move on.
• Empathy – Empathy means seeing things from the other person’s perspective. Open yourself to the possibility that there is always another way of interpreting situations.
• Abundance Mindset - Jealousy comes from a scarcity mindset. Change your mindset to one of infinite possibilities. There are many fish in the ocean, do not kill yourself over one at the pond.
• Write Journal – Writing your daily thoughts will help you understand yourself and why you get jealous. Write down your feelings and reasons for acting in a particular way. Then apply the power of baby steps to take corrective measures to tame jealousy.

Summary

Jealousy is a negative emotion that has been on earth since time immemorial. It is like a boomerang, if you let it rule your life it will come back to bite you.

You can tame jealousy by being more trusting, confident and empathetic. Writing a journal and having an abundant mindset can also help tame the green eyed monster called jealousy.

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