Massage Therapy for Broken Egos

If I was to start a massage parlor, I would focus on massaging broken egos. My guess is that my clientele would be successful people who let their success get into their heads. I reckon I could say a few nice things to make them feel better. But since I do not own such a business I can freely talk about the dangers of inflated egos. I have no incentive for waiting until your ego is broken.

Today’s post is different. I will tell a story of my friend Michael*. Michael started from very humble beginnings. He had to work really hard to make ends meet. He was very driven and really ambitious. He had a personality that endeared him to people. He made friends easily. Watching him interact with strangers was fascinating. You could be forgiven for thinking that they were old friends. Many said that he had a magnetic personality. He was very persuasive and easily influenced people.

According to the ladies that hang out with Michael at the club house, Michael was gifted in the looks department. He was also very intelligent. Many referred to him as a walking encyclopedia. According to his former workmates, he was very skilled at his job.

A bevy of beauties always surrounded Michael. His career was going well. He moved out of his old neighborhood as he rose through the ranks at the company where he worked. He amassed a group of hangers-on that served to reassure him of his importance.

The old Michael was no more. The new Michael became obnoxious. He was always bragging about this or that accomplishment or array of possessions. His listening skills went out the window. He could never admit mistakes and had a massive sense of self worth and entitlement. He bragged to his drinking buddies that he was indispensable at the firm.

Then the global recession happened. The company had to make some cutbacks. Michael became jobless. His former friends suddenly got busy. His girlfriends stayed on until his savings were depleted. As soon as they walked out, the bank called. The bank called in its loans, the car, the house, and the cards. Michael was broke. He was devastated.

He called his friend Nathan*. He needed a place to stay. He needed a massage therapy for his broken ego. But all Nathan could offer was a place for Michael to stay for a few weeks.

What can we learn from Michael? You can be on top of your game today and out in the trenches tomorrow. Do not step on others on your way up. You may need them on your way down.

Ego is a dangerous emotion. The purpose of this series of articles is to inspire you to harness your emotions for success.  A big ego is related to pride. The antidote for a big ego is humility.

Humility is not a sign of weakness or cowardice. A healthy ego can co-exist with humility. You may have the money, the looks, the smarts, the personality and the skills, but do not rub them on people’s faces. Avoid the temptation to inflate your self importance or ego.

A young lawyer that always brought in the bacon for his firm was overworking himself. He was putting in about 100 hours per week in matters that he could have easily delegated. He however did not trust anyone to do the job as well as he thought he could. One day a senior partner at the firm pulled him aside and requested him to join him at the partner’s house over the weekend.

The young lawyer took time from his busy weekend schedule at the office and made his way to the partner’s house. The partner took him for a drive, and they went to a local cemetery. The young lawyer kept looking at his watch wondering what the point of visiting the graveyard was. Then the partner said to him “all these graves are filled with men and women, some of whom thought that the world would not go on without them”. The young lawyer got the message. Did you?

How to protect your ego

• Be humble – Recognize your abilities and uniqueness from day one, but do not shove them down anyone’s throat.
• Have a little insurance for your ego – Do not keep all your ego eggs in one basket. Do not define yourself with only one aspect of your life. Spread the risk. Be involved with more activities, people, hobbies and interests.
• Have a support network – Cultivate relationships with people who love you and accept you for your basic self. If you get into a new relationship do not shun your old friends. If you get money do not divorce yourself from old friends or family.
• Develop your personal values – Looks and money may fade away but the inner person will always be with you. Only do things that are congruent with your personal values.
• Never give up – If what was working for you stops working, re-invent yourself. Do something else. Be a fighter. Die another day. Be persistent.

Summary

A healthy ego means confidence to go for goals. However, if the ego gets too big, it can get on the way of success.

Humility is a virtue that protects us from a false sense of importance. Developing personal values and a support network helps protect us from the pain of a broken ego.

Do you have any story to share about the pain of broken egos? Do you have any examples of ego gone bad? I would love to hear from you.

* Names and other details have been changed to protect the identity of the people mentioned.

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