How to Build and Sustain Trust

Trust is one of the great essentials for healthy relationships. We shall go through some of the ways of cultivating and maintaining trust in a relationship.

Trust is simply reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, or surety of someone or something. Trust does not just happen, it is cultivated over a long period of time. The little things that you do everyday are the little trust deposits. It takes years to do this.

1. Choose between secrets and trust.

Unless you are in the CIA, remember that secrets are not good nourishment for your relationship. Secrets erode a tremendous amount of energy and trust. The richer your secrets warehouse, the poorer your trust granary. The energy used in deciphering and hiding secrets could be better used in enriching your relationship. Take it upon yourself to open up before secrets eats your relationship like a hungry swine.

2. The devil is in the details.

A relationship is an investment. Respect your investment partner through a detailed product disclosure statement.  Leaving out vital details can erode trust faster than you can say sorry.

3. Predictability may be boring but it is not evil

Let your partner know where you are and what you are up to. Clear any questions or any doubts your spouse may have about you. If possible stick to a schedule and be consistent. The minute he/she starts questioning what you are up to, or what you did with the last paycheck then problems are bound to arise.

4. Timely and clear communication

Incase there will be a change in the norm communicate early enough to your partner. Keep them on the loop on what is happening. Let them in on your progress. This way you drive out any fears or doubts that your partner may have. This may seem boring but trust me it’s works. Drop an sms every so often. Let your significant other in on what is going on. If you intend to make a major investment, talk about it early enough.

5. Have some faith in the other person

When someone knows that you have some faith in them and you do believe in their competence, then they will be more open to trusting you. Learn to compliment your partner and give them credit when it’s due. When trying to correct them do not do so in a manner to make them feel put down. They are more likely to trust you and feel safe with you when you use such an approach.

6. Walk the talk

Make sure your words match you actions. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When you learn to fulfill what you say, you will be making progress in terms of building trust.

7. Speak out

This is real life my friend, not Hansen and Gretel. Don’t drop hints like breadcrumbs and hope that your partner will find his way to your mind. Ladies, do yourself a favor and just lay it out. What you expect from your partner?  Ambiguity breeds inaction. If you want this or that, then just speak it out. This way, your expectations will be met with minimal fuss. In the process trust is built and maintained.

8. Unveil your personality

Let you partner know what kind of person you are without a doubt. What makes you mad or what makes you tick. Unfortunately many people are a bit hesitant with this. They dread their partners figuring them out (might be a wise move, in some cases). However, if something offends you or makes you uncomfortable then state it clearly. Abraham Lincoln wisely said “to sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.”

9. Be reliable

Reliability is the long haul trick to solid trust. Trust is built over time, just like rivers and trees. Keep the small promises, keep time, and show up for meetings.  This closely ties with keeping your word. When you say you are going to do something do not let them down, make sure that it is done.

10. Be honest

Avoid lying even about the very small things. It’s that small lie that will lead to a bigger one and to bigger one and you are tied up in a frenzy of lying. Covering up lie with a lie makes you lie low. Pause and ask yourself, is it really worth it?

Trust is like a balloon, one little prick and its all gone. Years and years spent creating it can all go up in smoke. It is something that anyone in a relationship should guard fiercely. George MacDonald said in one his quotes ‘to be trusted is a better compliment than to be loved” I could not agree more.

I would love to hear what you have to say about the sensitive topic of trust through your comments.

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