The Man Who Said Sorry
There was a leadership spill in Australia last week. The Australian Labor party felt it was in a losing bus and had to change the driver to stay on course. Within hours, Australia got a new driver; the first female Prime Minister in Australian history.
Her predecessor, Kevin Rudd was one of the most popular Prime Ministers Australia ever had. But in his last months in power, opinion polls deserted him. His popularity slipped. This allowed factional leaders to rally the numbers against him and support his deputy, Julia Gillard. Such is politics.
The Stolen Generation
On his last speech as Prime Minister, he outlined his achievements and they were many. His enduring legacy will include the leading of the nation to say sorry to the Aboriginal people.
Many will remember Kevin Rudd as the man who said sorry to the stolen generations. His predecessor John Howard stubbornly refused to do so for his 11 years in power. K-Rudd, on the other hand, made saying sorry his first priority.
Below is part of the speech he made in Parliament in February 2008.
“I move:
That today we honour the indigenous peoples of this land, the oldest continuing cultures in human history.
We reflect on their past mistreatment.
We reflect in particular on the mistreatment of those who were stolen generations – this blemished chapter in our nation’s history.
The time has now come for the nation to turn a new page in Australia’s history by righting the wrongs of the past and so moving forward with confidence to the future.
We apologise for the laws and policies of successive parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians.
We apologise especially for the removal of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their families, their communities and their country.
For the pain, suffering and hurt of these stolen generations, their descendants and for their families left behind, we say sorry.
To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry.
And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry.
We the parliament of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of the nation.
We today take this first step by acknowledging the past and laying claim to a future that embraces all Australians.
A future where this parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again.
A future where we harness the determination of all Australians, indigenous and non-indigenous, to close the gap that lies between us in life expectancy, educational achievement and economic opportunity.
A future based on mutual respect, mutual resolve and mutual responsibility.
A future where all Australians, whatever their origins, are truly equal partners, with equal opportunities and with an equal stake in shaping the next chapter in the history of this great country, Australia.”
Sorry and Success
Not everyone loves saying sorry. Fewer ever say sorry and mean it.
Saying sorry can mend a damaged relationship. A genuine sorry is a miracle worker in the healing process. Clean up your closet of pain by apologizing to those you hurt.
Stubbornly refusing to apologize will set you up for failure. Accept that you will make mistakes along the way. Be ready to own up to your mistakes when they happen. Be ready to make amends by saying sorry.
How to Apologize
- Empathize with the person you have hurt. Put yourself in their shoes. Understand their expectations. Feel their pain. Understand their disappointment and anger.
- Listen to their concerns and fears. Watch their body language and weigh in their words. This will give you an idea of where the pain points are. Be careful not to apologize for the wrong sin. You can open unnecessary cans of worms if you don’t take time to really listen.
- Be specific – Do not ask for blanket forgiveness of sins. This is not a prayer. Say exactly what you are apologizing for.
- Take Responsibility – Avoid making excuses or blaming others for the pain caused. Admit to your mistakes and own them.
- Timing – Apologize at the appropriate moment. Taking eternity to apologize causes more pain. Apologizing too soon has the wrong effect too. Be wise in the timing and delivery of your apology.
- Take Action – Don’t just say sorry. Actions speak louder than words. Show in both words and deeds that you want to turn a new leaf.
- Forgive – If the other person wronged you too, forgive them. But most importantly, do not let negative emotions like guilt, embarrassment and shame dominate your life going forward. Do not beat yourself up unnecessarily. Forgive yourself.
- Give Gifts – Depending on your level of “sin”, a gift can help turn the tide to your favor. You could buy a card, flowers, champagne, a house, an island etc depending on who you are, who you are apologizing to and what you have done. Seriously, test this for yourself… the right gift can precipitate forgiveness. The gift does not need to be material…it could even be a solemn promise to change. Give and it will come back to you.
Summary
Today’s inspiring legend Kevin Rudd is the immediate former Australian Prime Minister. He famously led the nation to say sorry to the stolen generations.
Take a moment to reflect on your life and see if there is one relationship or friendship that could do with the magic words “I am sorry”. Relationships are the bedrock of success. Treasure them. Work on them.
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