Life has plenty of systems

Did you know that a car is a collection of systems? Lighting System, Braking System, Lubrication System, Cooling System, Fuel System, Ignition System, Suspension System and many more. All these systems have to work together for the car to function properly.

A car without a braking system is a disaster waiting to happen. Do you have brakes in your life or are you hurtling down towards self destruction? Do you have self control or a moral code that determines how far or how fast you can go?

The success of a car is determined by more than one system working together. Success is not about one thing that you do. It is combination of habits and actions that you take. What good is a well paying job when you cannot get along with your family or your health is in ruins?

The trick is to understand what each part of life brings to the table. Determine how each of your activity impacts the others. Just as a car mechanic will not spend all his day inspecting the cooling system and ignore the fuel system, do not ignore parts of your life. Apportion the right amount of time for different people and activities in your life. In other words, find balance.

Are you well serviced?

A regularly serviced car runs smoothly and proves more useful to the owner over the long term. Some people try and save money by not taking their cars for service. This is short term thinking that costs more over the long term.

You can service yourself by constantly improving your skills, your thoughts and your relationships. Do not forget to spend time thinking about your life, checking your progress towards your goals, or performance.

There are different types of services that a car needs. A car may need a routine check up or tune up that helps it runs more efficiently. It also needs a log book service. A log book service is pre-determined by manufacturers based on the kilometers accumulated. This type of service helps the car runs efficiently over the long haul.

You can determine periodic periods for servicing yourself too. This can range from dental checks to annual personal goals setting sessions. Avoiding this type of service will cost you more over the long term.

Your car may be involved in an accident or work erratically. This will call for repair service. The older the car, the more the repairs required. Repairs left too long may cause a danger to the driver and to the car. If you have unresolved issues, or an area of life that needs correcting, take time to sort that out before it starts affecting other areas.

Are you insured?

Car mechanics do not always come cheap. If you want the best care, be insured. Have someone else foot the bill of repairs especially for unexpected repairs. You can self insure your car through regular servicing (against routine problems). Read more about this topic on my earlier article about insurance for the upwardly mobile.

Where do you want to go?

You are the master of the car. Likewise you are the master of your destiny. Determine where you want to go. Be in control of your own life.

Before you embark on your journey, make sure you have enough supplies for your journey. You would not want to go from Perth, Western Australia, to Adelaide, South Australia without having packed right or adequately serviced your vehicle.

What do people think about you?

Do you have a powerful personal brand? Does your reputation precede you? What kind of first impression do you make? Do you have a consistent brand image that gets the results you desire? Do you project an image of success or hardship?

Some cars are more equal than others. A Lamborghini and a Toyota Corolla are not cut from the same cloth. How you position yourself will determine what value people place on you. Today is your lucky day, I have prepared a personal branding salad bar for you.

A thought in this substance produces the thing that is imaged by the thought. Man can form things in his thought, and by impressing his thought upon formless substance can cause the thing he thinks about to be created. In order to do this, man must pass from the competitive to the creative mind; otherwise he cannot be in harmony with the Formless Intelligence, which is always creative and never competitive in spirit.

Man may come into full harmony with the Formless Substance by entertaining a lively and sincere gratitude for the blessings it bestows upon him. Gratitude unifies the mind of man with the intelligence of Substance, so that man’s thoughts are received by the Formless. Man can remain upon the creative plane only by uniting himself with the Formless Intelligence through a deep and continuous feeling of gratitude.

Man must form a clear and definite mental image of the things he wishes to have, to do, or to become; and he must hold this mental image in his thoughts, while being deeply grateful to the Supreme that all his desires are granted to him. The man who wishes to get rich must spend his leisure hours in contemplating his Vision, and in earnest thanksgiving that the reality is being given to him. Too much stress cannot be laid on the importance of frequent contemplation of the mental image, coupled with unwavering faith and devout gratitude. This is the process by which the impression is given to the Formless, and the creative forces set in motion.

The creative energy works through the established channels of natural growth, and of the industrial and social order. All that is included in his mental image will surely be brought to the man who follows the instructions given above, and whose faith does not waver. What he wants will come to him through the ways of established trade and commerce.

In order to receive his own when it shall come to him, man must be active; and this activity can only consist in more than filling his present place. He must keep in mind the Purpose to get rich through the realization of his mental image. And he must do, every day, all that can be done that day, taking care to do each act in a successful manner. He must give to every man a use value in excess of the cash value he receives, so that each transaction makes for more life; and he must so hold the Advancing Thought that the impression of increase will be communicated to all with whom he comes in contact.

The men and women who practice the foregoing instructions will certainly get rich; and the riches they receive will be in exact proportion to the definiteness of their vision, the fixity of their purpose, the steadiness of their faith, and the depth of their gratitude.

About

The Get Rich Series is based on The Science of Getting Rich. It  is a classic book by Wallace D. Wattles. It is a practical manual intended for the men and women whose most pressing need is for money; who wish to get rich first, and philosophize afterward.

Discussion

I would love to hear you ideas and opinion on this chapter. Your comments are highly appreciated.

WHETHER you change your vocation or not, your actions for the present must be those pertaining to the business in which you are now engaged. You can get into the business you want by making constructive use of the business you are already established in; by doing your daily work in a Certain Way. And in so far as your business consists in dealing with other men, whether personally or by letter, the key-thought of all your efforts must be to convey to their minds the impression of increase.

Increase is what all men and all women are seeking; it is the urge of the Formless Intelligence within them, seeking fuller expression.

The desire for increase is inherent in all nature; it is the fundamental impulse of the universe. All human activities are based on the desire for increase; people are seeking more food, more clothes, better shelter, more luxury, more beauty, more knowledge, more pleasure– increase in something, more life.

Every living thing is under this necessity for continuous advancement; where increase of life ceases, dissolution and death set in at once.

Man instinctively knows this, and hence he is forever seeking more. This law of perpetual increase is set forth by Jesus in the parable of the talents; only those who gain more retain any; from him who hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.

The normal desire for increased wealth is not an evil or a reprehensible thing; it is simply the desire for more abundant life; it is aspiration.

And because it is the deepest instinct of their natures, all men and women are attracted to him who can give them more of the means of life.

In following the Certain Way as described in the foregoing pages, you are getting continuous increase for yourself, and you are giving it to all with whom you deal.

You are a creative center, from which increase is given off to all.

Be sure of this, and convey assurance of the fact to every man, woman, and child with whom you come in contact. No matter how small the transaction, even if it be only the selling of a stick of candy to a little child, put into it the thought of increase, and make sure that the customer is impressed with the thought.

Convey the impression of advancement with everything you do, so that all people shall receive the impression that you are an Advancing Man, and that you advance all who deal with you. Even to the people whom you meet in a social way, without any thought of business, and to whom you do not try to sell anything, give the thought of increase.

You can convey this impression by holding the unshakable faith that you, yourself, are in the Way of Increase; and by letting this faith inspire, fill, and permeate every action.

Do everything that you do in the firm conviction that you are an advancing personality, and that you are giving advancement to everybody.

Feel that you are getting rich, and that in so doing you are making others rich, and conferring benefits on all.

Do not boast or brag of your success, or talk about it unnecessarily; true faith is never boastful.

Wherever you find a boastful person, you find one who is secretly doubtful and afraid. Simply feel the faith, and let it work out in every transaction; let every act and tone and look express the quiet assurance that you are getting rich; that you are already rich. Words will not be necessary to communicate this feeling to others; they will feel the sense of increase when in your presence, and will be attracted to you again.

You must so impress others that they will feel that in associating with you they will get increase for themselves. See that you give them a use value greater than the cash value you are taking from them.

Take an honest pride in doing this, and let everybody know it; and you will have no lack of customers. People will go where they are given increase; and the Supreme, which desires increase in all, and which knows all, will move toward you men and women who have never heard of you. Your business will increase rapidly, and you will be surprised at the unexpected benefits which will come to you. You will be able from day to day to make larger combinations, secure greater advantages, and to go on into a more congenial vocation if you desire to do so.

But in doing all this, you must never lose sight of your vision of what you want, or your faith and purpose to get what you want.

Let me here give you another word of caution in regard to motives.

Beware of the insidious temptation to seek for power over other men.

Nothing is so pleasant to the unformed or partially developed mind as the exercise of power or dominion over others. The desire to rule for selfish gratification has been the curse of the world. For countless ages kings and lords have drenched the earth with blood in their battles to extend their dominions; this not to seek more life for all, but to get more power for themselves.

Today, the main motive in the business and industrial world is the same; men marshal their armies of dollars, and lay waste the lives and hearts of millions in the same mad scramble for power over others. Commercial kings, like political kings, are inspired by the lust for power.

Jesus saw in this desire for mastery the moving impulse of that evil world He sought to overthrow. Read the twenty-third chapter of Matthew, and see how He pictures the lust of the Pharisees to be called “Master,” to sit in the high places, to domineer over others, and to lay burdens on the backs of the less fortunate; and note how He compares this lust for dominion with the brotherly seeking for the Common Good to which He calls His disciples.

Look out for the temptation to seek for authority, to become a “master,” to be considered as one who is above the common herd, to impress others by lavish display, and so on.

The mind that seeks for mastery over others is the competitive mind; and the competitive mind is not the creative one. In order to master your environment and your destiny, it is not at all necessary that you should rule over your fellow men and indeed, when you fall into the world’s struggle for the high places, you begin to be conquered by fate and environment, and your getting rich becomes a matter of chance and speculation.

Beware of the competitive mind!! No better statement of the principle of creative action can be formulated than the favorite declaration of the late “Golden Rule” Jones of Toledo: “What I want for myself, I want for everybody.”

About

The Get Rich Series is based on The Science of Getting Rich. It  is a classic book by Wallace D. Wattles. It is a practical manual intended for the men and women whose most pressing need is for money; who wish to get rich first, and philosophize afterward.

Discussion

I would love to hear you ideas and opinion on this chapter. Your comments are highly appreciated.

A Life of Achievement

In the early 1980s, he became a dominant figure in popular music and the first African-American entertainer to amass a strong crossover following on MTV. The popularity of his music videos airing on MTV, such as “Beat It”, “Billie Jean” and Thriller—credited for transforming the music video into an art form and a promotional tool—helped bring the relatively new channel to fame. Videos such as “Black or White” and “Scream” made Jackson an enduring staple on MTV in the 1990s. With stage performances and music videos, Jackson popularized a number of physically complicated dance techniques, such as the robot and the moonwalk. His distinctive musical sound and vocal style influenced many hip hop, pop and contemporary R&B artists.

One of the few artists to have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice, his other achievements include multiple Guinness World Records—including one for “Most Successful Entertainer of All Time”—13 Grammy Awards, 13 number one singles in his solo career—more than any other male artist in the Hot 100 era—and the sales of over 750 million albums worldwide. Cited as one of the world’s most famous men, Jackson’s highly publicized personal life, coupled with his successful career, made him a part of popular culture for almost four decades.

Prior to his death, Jackson had been scheduled to perform 50 sold-out concerts to over one million people, at London’s O2 arena, from July 13, 2009 to March 6, 2010. During a publicity press conference, Jackson made suggestions of possible retirement.  Randy Phillips, president and chief executive of AEG Live, had stated that the first 10 dates alone would have earned the singer approximately £50 million.

-Wikipedia

For all Michael Jackson’s fans out there, it is a sad day. Let us pray for his family at this time of mourning.

1 – Right Direction

People with effective personal brands decide in advance what direction they want to take. They do not just let things happen. They have well written, clear goals of what they want to achieve.

There is no point investing time, money and energy in personal branding efforts if you are not clear on where you are headed. Setting a clear path enables one to know when they are falling behind or going off track.

2 – Continuous Improvement

Rome was not built in a day and neither are effective personal brands. The best way to build your personal brand is to continuously improve one aspect at a time.

You can focus on improving your wardrobe for example, one shoe or shirt at a time. You can also choose to improve your career, one course or certification at a time. The trick is to start early and stay at it. Get the power of compounding working for your personal brand through continuous improvement.

3 – Emotional Mastery

A little talked about habit of successful people is emotional mastery. Did you know every personal brand disaster can be traced back to an emotion that went unchecked? Many become alcoholics not for the pure love of the taste but because of emotional problems.

Do emotions rule your life? What does the word “delayed gratification” mean to you? How do you deal with the emotions of anger, fear, jealousy, love or betrayal?

4 – Listening and Learning

Personal branding means creating, maintaining, correcting and leveraging perceptions. How do people perceive you? You have to listen to what people tell you and what they do not dare put in words. Listen to both verbal and non verbal communication.

Seek to learn how to improve your personal brand. Listen to your peers, mentors, coaches and people you admire. Learn from them. If you are not natural when it comes to fashion, listen and learn from those that are better than you in that area.

5 – Patterns and Systems

Effective personal brands require good patterns. We all have patterns; good and bad. You need to recognize the patterns in your life. Do you always miss deadlines? Do people keep breaking your heart? Do you find it hard holding on to a goal for more than a day? Those are all patterns. Get rid of bad patterns in your life.

You also need to have a systematic way of doing things. For example, do you get a haircut every Saturday? Schedule that in your diary. Do you have a blog that you post to once a week? Do you give 10% of your pay to charity? Find all the things you do (or should do) and group them in to “systems”. Understand what each system is about, its objectives and how it affects and relates to other systems.

6 – Smart Networking

No man is an island. You need to continuously meet and develop quality contacts to succeed in life. Learn to know who should be in your address book. Group your contacts in a way that is meaningful to you, and develop each relationship, or one group of relationships at a time.

Let us say for a moment that you are a football player. You would need to develop a contacts strategy that brings in contacts from the following areas: other footballers (peers), coachers, sponsors, journalists, trainers etc. Don’t treat your contacts as though they came from the same production line.

People do business with those they trust. Networking is not just a numbers game. You have to develop quality and gain trust. There is no magic pill in gaining trust. It takes time and effort. You can however speed up trust building by becoming more useful, by being more of the giver than the receiver.

7 – Articulate Communication

Effective personal branding calls for articulate communication. The words that come from your mouth or keyboard, your actions, your dressing etc all form the message that you send out.  Are you sending out the right message? Are you sending out a strong message? Are you sending out mixed signals?

Speak confidently, be a good listener and send out a unified message with all forms of communication. Articulate communication is more than mere words. It is the total picture you send out to others through your actions, looks, words, smell, posture, habits and grooming.

Summary

We are creatures of habits. Add the above habits to your life to develop an effective personal brand. I would love to hear your comments and suggestions about other habits that lead to a successful personal brand.

1 – Be Selfish

Assume the world revolves around you and everybody is here to serve you. Make everything all about you. Don’t care about other people. Don’t be attuned to their feelings.

Develop a reputation as a selfish person. Give less than you receive. Don’t listen to what others have to say. Just wait for your turn to speak and tell them how you feel. Dazzle them with your intelligence and insight. You are a great man or woman after all. You know so much and they know so little.

2 – Be Inconsistent

Be completely random. Don’t let mere mortals know what you stand for. Be polite to people in one moment and completely rude the next morning. Say hello to someone and behave like you have never seen them, a few hours later.

Dress immaculately in business suits in the morning and like a thug in the afternoon. Forget what you stood for yesterday. Give people mixed signals. Train people to expect the unexpected with you. Laugh with delight as you see people wonder who you really are. Keep them on their toes. Keep them guessing.

3 – Have a don’t care attitude

Stop paying attention to little details and little people. Do not care about what made you successful in the first place. You have arrived. You have it all. Nothing else matters.

Do not think about the future. Live for the moment. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Behave as if today is the end of life. Don’t save any money, blow the little you have on luxuries you can hardly afford.

Be guilt free. Do not be tied by a little thing called conscience. Be rough with people. Do what your heart desires without regard for consequences on you and on others. Do not be empathetic at all.

4 – Try and please everybody

Be a double dealer. Keep everyone happy regardless of what that does to your reputation. As long as everyone is happy, be happy. Don’t worry about being true, honest or authentic. Focus on keeping everyone happy and everything will be alright.

Don’t have any set boundaries. Shift your boundaries when your values and rules come in the way of pleasing others. Borrow from Tom to pay Ken. Shuffle people around like a deck of cards. They are happy after all.

5 – Be a mini-somebody else

Identify someone you admire. Learn everything you can about them. Learn a whole lot about that one person. Forget who you were and become a mini version of that person. Let that person be surprised and flattered when they see how good a disciple you are.

Follow their every move and attempt to be like them. Let others acknowledge that you are really a mini version of that other guy. Make sure people can’t even tell the difference between you and the person you aspire to be like. (The only difference being that you are the “mini” version)

6 – Be ordinary

Be the opposite of remarkable. Blend in with the crowd. Be invisible. Do not draw any attention to yourself. Let people be shocked when you tell them you went to the same party with them last Saturday. Make sure no one can remember you. Do not be funny. Do not be interesting. Do not standout at all.

Do just enough at your job to avoid being fired. Do half baked jobs. Have a neutral reputation. Do not have an angle, or a defining characteristic that would make you exciting or interesting.

7 – Disappoint people

Have fun with this one. Build people’s expectations, then boom, drop the bombshell. They have been duped. Do not deliver what you said you will. Manage expectations in a weird way. Let people expect so much from you, then give them so little. Make people trust you, and then betray them.

Be a cold liar. Be a snake oil salesman. Lower your own standards every time you deal with people. Be the scum of the earth. Let people see a new form of low every time they deal with you.

8 – Easily Give up

Just relax and stop trying so damn hard! Find something easy to do, avoid anything challenging. Do not follow up on matters. If it takes too long, get bored. It is your right to get bored. Develop a reputation as a person who wants it now. Have zero patience, perseverance and persistence.

9 – Be Ignorant

Forget even the little you knew. Be stagnant. Stop learning new stuff. You already know enough. Why gained specialized knowledge? What for?

Make sure when people want to hide something from you, all they have to do is write it down in a book. Don’t read any book, or ask any questions that may make you learn something new. Your brain is too precious to be exercised and filled with new junk.

10 – Have a couple of bad habits

I saved the best one for last. Get an addiction! Think of all the bad things you can be addicted to. Maybe cigarettes, or alcohol… but everyone does those ones. Why not try something harder like heroine or cocaine? Or if you are not into drugs, why not try watching porn everyday, or too much television?

There are many bad habits you can pick. Maybe simple ones like picking your nose in public or talking with food in your mouth. Or if you really want to ruin your personal brand, why not commit a felony? Be a criminal. Break into someone’s house or kill your enemy.

Summary

You should now have at least two or three neat ways of ruining your personal brand after reading this blog post. You are now aware of what the above actions do to your personal brand. All the best in your mission; whatever it may be.

Read the above paragraph again. This is my shortest blog post ever,  and the most important, atleast in the personal branding series.

1 – Insularity

Insularity is the state of being isolated or detached. It means being lost in your own little world; not paying attention to what others are doing. You are part of a dynamic world; you cannot afford to ignore what is happening in the world around you.

Learn from others who are better than you. Learn to avoid the mistakes of others too. As a blogger, I cannot afford to be insular. I have to constantly understand the environment within which I work. My readers visit other sites and blogs too. That is the reality. I have to constantly visit those blogs too to know what is out there.

2 – Inconsistency

Powerful brands are consistent. Coke tastes the same world over. McDonalds Restaurants have the same quality of service (with minor localization options) worldwide.

Avoid the temptation to flip from one extreme to another. Be consistent in the message you send to the world through your words, appearance or actions.

For this blog to become a powerful brand, I have to stay on course with my stated mission of inspiring you to be the best you can be. I cannot suddenly start writing about politics or pornography and expect to retain my audience and brand image.

3 – Ambiguity

Powerful brands are specific in what they bring to the table. The clearer you are about what your brand is about, the more powerful it will be. Be clear about the message you send to others about your personal brand. If you cannot describe your personal brand in a few words, others won’t be able to either.

4 – Ignorance

Ignorance is not a valid defense in a court of law. Neither is it a valid defense in the court of public opinion. Find all you need to find about personal branding. The more actionable information you have, the more likely you are to build a strong brand.

Be aware of your online reputation. What you post on the internet is never really deleted. It can come back to haunt you in 20 years when you are running for president. Be aware of what others are saying about you online by using web monitoring tools such as Google Alerts.

5 – Stagnation

You may read a personal development book or blog and feel really pumped up to make positive changes in your life. For a few days you may step up your game and make some changes. Then you stop. You are not alone. Many people get a spike of motivation and inspiration then stagnate. Stagnation is a personal brand killer.

In a dynamic society that we live in, you should seek to constantly improve your personal brand. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you may have heard me talk about Kaizen. Kaizen is a Japanese management philosophy that can be applied to many aspects of life. It means making small continuous improvements instead of stagnating.

6 – Self Limiting Beliefs

You can only achieve as much as you think you can. You will face external obstacles in your personal branding efforts. Do not add to the obstacles through your own self limiting beliefs.

Believe that you are capable of building a powerful personal brand. It does not matter if you are black or white, young or old. It does not matter if you have a degree or not, or whether you are charismatic or not. You can always find an angle that suits you and exploit it with good effect.

7 – Asking the Wrong Question

The kind of questions you ask yourself will determine the kind of answers you get. Ask questions such as “How can I be a more valuable member of my team?” or “How can I achieve financial freedom?”

Ask empowering questions instead of questions that create self doubt. If you keep asking yourself the same questions, you will get the same answers you have always got. If you want to get different results, step back from your situation and ask different questions.

8 – Expecting Instant Results

Many people want to be overnight millionaires. They want to have instant personal brands. It does not quite work that way. Instead, find something that you love and stick with it for the long haul.

Overnight success may take 15 years of preparation. Building a good reputation, a business, a career, a relationship takes time. Be prepared to put in the hard work for extended period of time. Many people expect instant results. Differentiate yourself by setting yourself up for the long haul. Strive to be a long distance runner not a sprinter when it comes to personal branding.

9 – Lack of Preparation

90 minutes of an elite soccer game is preceded by thousands of hours of preparation. 90 minutes of a movie is preceded by thousands of hours of footage. Be prepared to put in the hours required to build a personal brand. Prepare meticulously for the crowning moment of your personal brand.

10 – Lack of a Story

Every powerful personal brand has a back story that is repeated over and over. What is your story?

Bill Gates story says that he was a smart kid in school who reluctantly gave up college education to pursue his software empire dream. Barack Obama made sure he told his back story over and over before he ran for president. He even wrote a book called “Dreams of My Father” to tell his back story. Almost every voter knew Obama’s roots before they cast their ballots. It was not accidental; it was all part of personal branding.

11 – Impulse Branding

It may be OK to impulsively buy gum at a supermarket checkout but it is not OK to impulsively build your personal brand. Think through the kind of personal brand you want to create. Exercise due diligence; Do not blindly copy others. Chart your own path.

12 – Part-time Personal Branding

Be vigilant about protecting your personal brand even when nobody is watching. Make personal branding a full-time job. Doing the right thing only when others are watching is a surefire way to court personal branding disasters.

13 – First Impressions Disasters

You do not need a second chance to make a first impression. The kind of first impression you make can last a life time. It is almost impossible to change disastrous first impressions. Pay extra attention every time you have to make a first impression. Bad first impressions leave a permanent stain on an otherwise bright personal brand.

Summary

We have explored common mistakes that pave the road to bad personal branding. We have also looked at how to avoid those mistakes.

I would love to hear your comments on what other mistakes stand in the way of personal branding and how they can be avoided. Your comments are most welcome.

Guilt is a product of social conditioning. People are conditioned from childhood about what is right and what is wrong. Excessive flaunting of material wealth may feel normal to one person, and make another feel absolutely guilty. One person may tell a lie with a straight face while another spends sleepless nights agonizing about it.

The feeling of guilt is sometimes interpreted as a sign of weaknesses and can be used as a tool for emotional manipulation. If you easily feel guilty of taking a particular action, some people may use that to get you to take an action of their choice. To succeed in life, you need to understand the concept of guilt, have a clear conscience and not allow emotional blackmail.

Tips on overcoming guilt

• Accept guilt as a normal part of human emotions.
• Accept that we all make mistakes.
• Apologize for mistakes and move on, do not dwell too much on mistakes.
• Atonement – Find a way of compensating for your wrong doing by doing good.
• Forgiveness – Seek forgiveness from those you have wronged (if any) and forgive yourself.
• Counseling – Seek professional help to handle guilt if you cannot shake off guilt.

Manifestation of Guilt in Life

• Physical Health – Many weight loss and health clubs have January as their biggest months. People normally feel guilty at the start of the year for the over indulgence in December. They make new years resolutions to eat healthier and exercise more. Then eventually they start missing out a gym session, or eat something not so healthy. At first they feel guilty, but soon this guilt fades away as they slide back to old habits.

• Family - People feel guilty for not spending time with their families. A driven career person may spend a lot of time at work and outside work networking with people outside his family. He or she may feel guilty for not being there at critical moments in their family life. Depending on how one responds to the nagging guilt, they may take action to remedy the situation or become oblivious to it.

• Relationships – The best relationships are based on trust and honesty. Sometimes one partner may be less than honest. This may eat away at them; make them want to come clean by sharing what is in their mind. Depending on the level of communication in the relationship they may open up or shun the guilt emotion altogether.

• Career – Guilt may lead people to make or change career choices. For example, someone may feel guilty of not being in the career they wanted and this can affect their performance on the job. Some people feel guilty of being in positions that they feel they do not deserve. Such kind of thoughts can reduce productivity and cause one to lose focus.

• Financial Freedom – Some people may feel guilty for succeeding where others have failed. This can lead to self sabotage. There is such a thing as fear of success and it is all to do with guilt. If you want to succeed in financial terms, you need to first reconcile thoughts of prosperity in your mind. In most cases, it is not your fault that someone else is poor and you are rich. Do not feel guilty for your success especially if you have worked hard for it, and made it through delivering value to others.

• Character – People feel guilty for not being able to have self mastery or emotional control. You may find someone who argues or shouts and then feels guilty for doing so. You may find someone who swears and then feels guilty for doing so. Depending on your personal values, or normal society expectations, you may feel guilty of things that others don’t, and vice versa.

Collective Guilt

In the movie Hotel Rwanda, Joaquin Phoenix’s journalist character said “If people see this footage, they’ll go: ‘Oh my God! That’s horrible!’ and then go on eating their dinner.” People feel guilty of inequalities and atrocities that happen around the world. They feel guilty that they are living a good life while hell breaks loose elsewhere. Without this guilt, rich nations would not aid poor countries when disaster strikes. Without this guilt, rich people would not contribute to causes and charity. But just like in the movie, sometimes people may or may not feel guilty of the suffering of others. They just get on with their meals and block all else.

There was decade long debate in Australia about collective guilt of White Australians over the Aboriginal Stolen Generation. Many people felt that modern Australians should not have to apologize for the mistakes of the previous generations or carry the tag of guilt.

On Feb 12, 2009 Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd made the historic apology to Aborigines for injustices committed over two centuries of white settlement, saying he wanted “to remove a great stain from the nation’s soul.”

Collective guilt, or at least debate about it, is a powerful catalyst for change in society.

Buyer Remorse

I studied marketing at university. One of the concepts that fascinated me was buyer remorse. Buyer’s remorse is an emotional condition whereby a person feels remorse or regret after a purchase. This is mainly after making an extravagant purchase of a high ticket item. People feel guilty for buying things at the spur of the moment, for higher prices, or even for buying on credit.

A prospective buyer may get on an emotional high, thinking of the possibilities, the excitement and fun of making a purchase, but afterward feel really guilty. This may happen after they realize the financial implication or the opportunity cost of their purchase.

Astute marketers spend considerable time and resources fighting buyer remorse. Buyer remorse is responsible for people asking for their money back and can negatively impact profitability. An often used trick for fighting buyer remorse is extending the money back guarantee period in the hope that buyer remorse will subside over time.

If you often experience buyer remorse, you may want to look deeply about your beliefs on money or your spending habits. Buyer remorse is an emotional battle rooted in internal conflict about money. Do you experience buyer remorse?

Summary

Regret  and remorse are the emotional cousins of guilt.  Guilt is a feeling one gets when they do something that they believe is not in line with their character, position or values. Guilt is an emotion that can create societal changes and unearth deep seated beliefs. Guilt can manifest itself positively and negatively in different spheres of life.

I would love to hear your comments on guilt. What kind of things make you feel guilty?

I had 2 weeks to go before my final uni exams. At a time when I needed to be absolutely focused, I lost my concentration. I lost my drive, I lost my appetite. Hey, I realize that men are not supposed to talk about this kind of stuff. But between you and me, let us say that the pain of a breakup does not easily walk away. It can be an impediment for success so we shall talk about it frankly. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. That includes being free from the pain of heartache and being well equipped to handle such pain.

The pain of heartbreak is often said to be indescribable. It can lead to anxiety attacks, loss of appetite, partial or complete insomnia, anger or shock. Heart break leads to nostalgia and feelings of loneliness. It plays mind games with one’s self-esteem and could lead to depression. In some cases, heartbreak causes nausea, fatigue, feelings of emptiness and even death.

I came up with a list of 10 strategies to cope with that pain. I would love to hear your comments and extra suggestions of how to get through the pain.

1)      Forgiveness – No matter what the reason for the break up, you need to let go of anger. You need to forgive yourself and forgive the person whom you broke up with.

2)      Counseling – If you can afford it, or if the situation calls for it, seek professional help or find someone whom you can trust and who can help you ease the pain. Two heads are better than one.

3)      Acceptance - Avoid being in denial. If it is over, it is over. Thinking that things will go back to normal when they are clearly not going to, only exacerbates the pain.

4)      People – Surround yourself with positive people. Try and see the good in people, do not spend too much time alone.

5)      Healing – Allow yourself time for grieving. Then focus on healing the pain. Do what works for you to mend your heart.

6)      Honesty – Be honest with yourself about the pain. What caused the pain? What caused the breakup? You can write down your thoughts, and perhaps create a journal of what you did, what your partner did, what went wrong etc.

7)      Immersion - Immerse yourself fully in a new subject matter. Perhaps join a club, a church or start playing a sport. Get active. Find something to distract you.

8)      Learn – Get busy. Learn something new, learn a language, visit a new place, learn about yourself, fiil your mind with new stuff.

9)      Time - The best medicine for heartbreak is time, time and time. Time heals all heartbreaks. Allow yourself time to moan and time to heal. As the wise teacher said, there is a time for everything. A time to meet someone and a time to break up. There is a time to moan and a time to get over it. Do not rush time or try to turn the clock of time.

10)  Music and Literature – There are so many songs about heartbreaks, love and commitment. Choose your media carefully and enjoy it fully. Get a collection of inspiring songs, movies, poems, books or blogs to give you solace.

Summary

The pain of a break up is real. It can impact negatively on personal and/or professional development. It is good to learn coping strategies.

If you have suggestions of how to cope with heartbreak, please share with us. If you have songs to help ease the pain, poems or blogs please feel free to share.

Go forth and find love my friends!

What is Love?

There are a million and three ways of defining love. Love is a strong positive emotion of regard and affection. It is a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction. According to the bible, Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.

What is Appreciation?

Appreciation is an expression of gratitude. It is the understanding of the nature or meaning or quality or magnitude of something. Appreciation is the opposite of taking things for granted. You can appreciate the good that others do. You can appreciate what your loved one, employee, employer, friend or parent does.

How to Show Love

• Empathy – You can show love to someone by understanding them and seeing things from their perspective. Putting yourself in someone’s shoes is a brilliant way of showing your love.
• Speak Love – Tell your partner that you love them. Say the magic words. Let them hear you say it.
• Time - Time is a finite resource. Spending time with someone is a great way of showing love. Do not do disappearing acts on those you love. Spending quality time with the one you love helps them feel special.
• Communication – Talk openly, clearly and firmly with those you love. Do not give them conflicting messages. Set clear boundaries of what can or cannot be done and communicate that as clearly as possible. Use communication to manage expectations to avoid disappointments.
• Actions – Actions speak louder than words. Show love by doing what you are expected to do, and beyond. Walk the talk.
• Honesty – Be brutally honest with those you love. There is nothing that erodes love as fast as broken trust.
• Affection – Depending on your culture or relationship, you can demonstrate your love through affection, either privately or publicly (PDA).
• Gifts - Giving gifts is a good way of showing love. Give out of love and do not expect something in return. Do not give gifts only when you are obligated to give such as birthday or holidays.
• Hour of Need – Be there at the hour of need when your friend or loved ones needs you. There is nothing worse than the feeling of being forsaken at the hour of need. Be careful not to be perceived as a fair weather friend.
• Complements - Give genuine complements to your loved one. It is a good way of building that warm feeling and confidence. Learn the difference between flattery and genuine complements.
• Compromise – Be flexible and willing to meet half way. Do not insist on only having your way. Do not let them walk all over you either.
• Forgiveness – Do not hold grudges for longer than you have to. Learn to let go and forgive people for wrong doing. Give your loved one wiggle space if they find themselves on the wrong. Do not make them feel cornered. Give them a soft landing and an opportunity to rectify their  mistakes.

How to Show Appreciation

• Be creative – Do not do what is expected all the time. Take time to think of ways of showing appreciation, depending on what the person did. Appreciation does not have to be complex or expensive.
• Tell them – The best way of appreciating someone is to tell them that you do. Be specific on what you are thanking them for.
• Spend Time – Spend time with people you appreciate.
• Recognition – Recognize people for their good deeds publicly or within your circle of friends. Genuine recognition can be a fuel for more good deeds.
• Focus on the good side – Focus on the positive aspect of their actions. Talk about it with them, highlight what you like, and they may continue doing more of that.
• Thank you notes – Send follow up thank you notes to people who go out of their way to make you happy or perform exceptional service.

Summary

Love one another, and appreciate those who do  good things. Appreciation is one of the deepest of human desires. Showing love and appreciation attracts good things to your life. Be more proactive in showing love and appreciation.

I would love to hear of ways that you have used to show love or appreciation. Please post your comments (be specific on what kind of actions you took or recommend).

Today’s post is different. I will tell a story of my friend Michael*. Michael started from very humble beginnings. He had to work really hard to make ends meet. He was very driven and really ambitious. He had a personality that endeared him to people. He made friends easily. Watching him interact with strangers was fascinating. You could be forgiven for thinking that they were old friends. Many said that he had a magnetic personality. He was very persuasive and easily influenced people.

According to the ladies that hang out with Michael at the club house, Michael was gifted in the looks department. He was also very intelligent. Many referred to him as a walking encyclopedia. According to his former workmates, he was very skilled at his job.

A bevy of beauties always surrounded Michael. His career was going well. He moved out of his old neighborhood as he rose through the ranks at the company where he worked. He amassed a group of hangers-on that served to reassure him of his importance.

The old Michael was no more. The new Michael became obnoxious. He was always bragging about this or that accomplishment or array of possessions. His listening skills went out the window. He could never admit mistakes and had a massive sense of self worth and entitlement. He bragged to his drinking buddies that he was indispensable at the firm.

Then the global recession happened. The company had to make some cutbacks. Michael became jobless. His former friends suddenly got busy. His girlfriends stayed on until his savings were depleted. As soon as they walked out, the bank called. The bank called in its loans, the car, the house, and the cards. Michael was broke. He was devastated.

He called his friend Nathan*. He needed a place to stay. He needed a massage therapy for his broken ego. But all Nathan could offer was a place for Michael to stay for a few weeks.

What can we learn from Michael? You can be on top of your game today and out in the trenches tomorrow. Do not step on others on your way up. You may need them on your way down.

Ego is a dangerous emotion. The purpose of this series of articles is to inspire you to harness your emotions for success.  A big ego is related to pride. The antidote for a big ego is humility.

Humility is not a sign of weakness or cowardice. A healthy ego can co-exist with humility. You may have the money, the looks, the smarts, the personality and the skills, but do not rub them on people’s faces. Avoid the temptation to inflate your self importance or ego.

A young lawyer that always brought in the bacon for his firm was overworking himself. He was putting in about 100 hours per week in matters that he could have easily delegated. He however did not trust anyone to do the job as well as he thought he could. One day a senior partner at the firm pulled him aside and requested him to join him at the partner’s house over the weekend.

The young lawyer took time from his busy weekend schedule at the office and made his way to the partner’s house. The partner took him for a drive, and they went to a local cemetery. The young lawyer kept looking at his watch wondering what the point of visiting the graveyard was. Then the partner said to him “all these graves are filled with men and women, some of whom thought that the world would not go on without them”. The young lawyer got the message. Did you?

How to protect your ego

• Be humble – Recognize your abilities and uniqueness from day one, but do not shove them down anyone’s throat.
• Have a little insurance for your ego – Do not keep all your ego eggs in one basket. Do not define yourself with only one aspect of your life. Spread the risk. Be involved with more activities, people, hobbies and interests.
• Have a support network – Cultivate relationships with people who love you and accept you for your basic self. If you get into a new relationship do not shun your old friends. If you get money do not divorce yourself from old friends or family.
• Develop your personal values – Looks and money may fade away but the inner person will always be with you. Only do things that are congruent with your personal values.
• Never give up – If what was working for you stops working, re-invent yourself. Do something else. Be a fighter. Die another day. Be persistent.

Summary

A healthy ego means confidence to go for goals. However, if the ego gets too big, it can get on the way of success.

Humility is a virtue that protects us from a false sense of importance. Developing personal values and a support network helps protect us from the pain of a broken ego.

Do you have any story to share about the pain of broken egos? Do you have any examples of ego gone bad? I would love to hear from you.

* Names and other details have been changed to protect the identity of the people mentioned.

Then she smiled some more and asked me a question. I had no choice but to answer her so I opened my mouth. She dropped the DVDs in panic and horror. She thought I was from a horror movie. You see my friend; I had lost two of my front teeth at the accident, but could still pull off a smile – as long as I kept my mouth shut. I was not a pretty sight.

My mean side then took over for the next couple of weeks. I would go from shop to shop in Perth, smiling at shop assistants or other shoppers with my lips sealed. When I was sure they were hooked, I would open my mouth and smile widely. The looks on their faces were Kodak moments that will forever be etched in my memory!

The wonders of modern dentistry were able to restore my normal smile, albeit at a high cost. I enjoy smiling and I hope to inspire you to smile today. Ok go ahead now, smile!

A smile is a facial expression formed by flexing those muscles near both ends of the mouth. A smile can also be found around the eyes. It is an expression of the emotions of pleasure, happiness, or amusement.

I grew up in Kenya where there are 42 tribes each with their own language. No matter what language one speaks in Kenya, or anywhere in the world for that matter, there is a universal power in smiling. You can and should smile, in any language.

I was reminded of the power of smiling after my accident when I lost my ability to have a normal smile. Then a couple of days ago, one of my favorite blog readers, Brenda Njeru mentioned something about smiling. I smiled instantly and decided to write about the power of smiling; hence this blog post.

Brenda said “I have always wondered why people are always smiling at me when I am walking in the streets, only with time did I realize I was the one smiling:)”. How true.

Why Smile?

• Smiling creates a good impression – Companies train their staff to smile in order to make a good impression to their customers. Smiling puts the other person at ease and changes the atmosphere. If you genuinely smile at people, they will like you and treat you much better than if you have a frown or a ‘stone face’.

• Smiling changes your emotional state – Smiling makes one happy and content. The physical act of smiling even in difficult times can help improve your emotional state. It can help you light up, relax and be cheerful.

• Smiling makes you more attractive – I can only remember one period in my life that smiling did not make me more attractive (after my accident). Smiling makes people attracted to you because it projects external and internal beauty.

• A smile changes other people’s state – Smiling is contagious. As Brenda experienced, when you smile at others, it makes them smile back at you. Try smiling at a baby and the baby will warm up to you. Try and smile at your partner or colleague and they will smile back at you. Smiling improves the environment for social interaction.

• It is easier to smile than frown – You use more muscles frowning than you do smiling. It takes 43 muscles to frown but only 17 muscles to smile. Take the easy road my friend. Smile today.

• Makes you seem more successful – Smiling helps project an image of satisfaction, contentment and happiness. A confident smile can do wonders for your career or relationships. People like being associated with successful people. Smiling improves your perceived level of success and therefore attracts people to your life.

• Smile-leniency effect – I am not sure how many lawyers or criminals read this blog, but I found something that they may want to investigate further. Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Natural History says “though courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and nonsmilers guilty, they give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the ‘smile-leniency effect.’”.

The George Bush Smile

George Bush Smile

Enlightr.com has an article on smiling that talked of a “George Bush Smile”. Here is what the article author had to say:

“President George W. Bush always has a permanent smirk on his face. Ray Birdwhistell found that smiling among middle-class people is most common in Atlanta, Louisville, Memphis, Nashville and most of Texas. Bush is a Texan and they smile more than most other Americans. As a result, in Texas, an unsmiling individual might be asked if he was ‘angry about something’, while in New York, the ‘smiler’ might be asked, ‘What’s so funny?’ President Jimmy Carter was also a Southerner who smiled all the time. This worried the Northerners who feared that he knew something they didn’t.”

Be careful who you smile at!

Summary

Count your blessings if you can smile without scaring people away. Use your beautiful smile to put people at ease, to improve your emotional state and make yourself more attractive. However, be careful about who you choose to smile to!

Jealousy is a negative emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship. It consists of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.

Jealousy has been with us for as long as man has been on earth. Cain and Abel were the first and second sons of Adam and Eve in the religions of Christianity, Islam and Judaism. Cain, a farmer, committed the first murder by killing his brother Abel, a shepherd, because of jealousy concerning God’s favoritism of Abel.

Many families with more than one kid experiences the emotion of jealousy as kids compete for their parent’s affection. If parents are not careful, sibling rivalry can get a life of its own leading to fights and mutual hatred of family members. Parents should be careful how they treat their kids to avoid planting the seeds of jealousy.

The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. Jealousy can destroy that which you are trying to build. Jealousy can reduce the quality of your life or cost you in more than one way. We shall look at how to control jealousy to avoid it coming back to bite you.

Each of us is prone to jealousy but in different degrees. There are some people who constantly have feelings of insecurity because of fear of losing loved ones. Then there are those who seem so detached, with a devil-may-care attitude.

Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy can occur when valued relationships are threatened. Many couples feel threatened by the possibility of heartbreak. Jealousy is rooted in fear and is self perpetuating. Jealous people tend to exaggerate the mistakes of others and become really creative at manufacturing scenarios where they may be hurt.

However, a little jealousy helps couples bond. It is a show of love and caring. Wanting to keep a man for herself is seen as a lady’s way of showing love in some cultures. If a man is not jealous of his wife of girlfriend, he may be seen as weak in some culture. Jealousy in this case is seen as an affirmation of love.

There is however a fine line between jealousy and domestic abuse. What may start as love may quickly turn to a hostage situation. Some couples go overboard with mutual suspicion of each others intentions and commitment. This leads to paranoia that leads to diminished trust and affection. Jealousy stems from fears and uncertainty and if those are not addressed it may lead to emotional instability, relationship breakup or crimes of passion.

Crimes of passion are crimes like assault or murder, against a spouse or other loved one because of sudden strong impulse such as a jealous rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime.

Professional Jealousy

Professional jealousy refers to the negative emotions that result from perceived disparities in fortunes. It can lead to stunted professional growth.

Examples of professional jealousy situations include, colleagues being jealous of one another because of missed promotions, salary levels, relationships with others in the workplace or awards & achievements.

Professional jealousy can also be as a result of one person or company experiencing a higher level of success. Instead of being jealous of others, it is best to carve your own niche and succeed on your terms.

Taming Jealousy

• Trust – Lack of trust in relationships is a major cause of jealousy. Couples who do not trust each others commitment or love are most likely to be jealous. Trust is earned overtime and couples should focus on actively building and maintaining trust as a foundation for a loving relationship.
• Communication – Without communication it is hard to understand each other. Without understanding each other, people are left to make assumptions about others. When you make assumptions about what the other person is up to, you may find yourself being jealous over matters that could have been sorted through communication.
• Confidence – Jealousy is caused by insecurity and lack of confidence. If you fear that your loved one may leave you because of ABC or D, then fix those things. Instead of cowering in fear, rectify the situation. Do whatever it takes to build your self confidence. It is your responsibility to be self confident not your partners. Do what you have to do to become confident in your abilities, looks and personality. If you have to hit the gym, make more money, or be better groomed, just do it.
• Acceptance - You have to accept that people are different and even in relationships; no two people ever merge to become one. You will always find something wrong in your partner if you look for it. Accept that there are some things that you cannot change about people and learn to live with it or move on.
• Empathy – Empathy means seeing things from the other person’s perspective. Open yourself to the possibility that there is always another way of interpreting situations.
• Abundance Mindset - Jealousy comes from a scarcity mindset. Change your mindset to one of infinite possibilities. There are many fish in the ocean, do not kill yourself over one at the pond.
• Write Journal – Writing your daily thoughts will help you understand yourself and why you get jealous. Write down your feelings and reasons for acting in a particular way. Then apply the power of baby steps to take corrective measures to tame jealousy.

Summary

Jealousy is a negative emotion that has been on earth since time immemorial. It is like a boomerang, if you let it rule your life it will come back to bite you.

You can tame jealousy by being more trusting, confident and empathetic. Writing a journal and having an abundant mindset can also help tame the green eyed monster called jealousy.

Our School Anthem

Thoughts and deeds shall bide with task.
Keep the Rose brightly ye our emblem.
Sieve the trash dear Lord we ask.
For Nihil Praeter Optimum.
In pride we ride.
With rules abide.
As all the boys and staff combine.
All members here in Lenana.
We aim at Nothing But The Best.

I do not have the answer to the question of pride vs. humility. I am torn right through the middle by different schools of thought and would love to hear your thoughts on this. I think conflict on issues like this affect our level success.

What is Pride?

Pride is a feeling of self-respect and personal worth. It also means satisfaction with your (or another’s) achievements. Pride can be both a positive and negative emotion.

Pride can be viewed as either a virtue or vice. When viewed as a virtue, pride in one’s appearance and abilities is known as virtuous pride, greatness of soul or magnanimity. When viewed as a vice it is often termed vanity or vainglory.

Negative pride is the opposite of humility. Unfortunately for most people, especially the church, there is no distinction between positive and negative pride. Pride is regarded as one of the seven deadly sins. In fact, it is regarded as the ultimate source from which the other sins arise.

It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self. The bible’s story of Lucifer pin points pride (his desire to compete with God) as the cause of his fall from Heaven, and his resultant transformation into Satan.

Depending on who you talk to, they will tell you pride is synonymous to any of the following words: Ego, Joy, Delight, Pleasure, Big-Headedness, Best, Elite, Prime, Cream, Brag, Boast, Cockiness, Self-Love,  Self-Worth, Self-Respect, Self-Exaltation, Self-Admiration, Self-Confidence, Self-Glorification,  Self-Importance, Self-Sufficiency, Dignity, Vanity, Satisfaction, Scornfulness or Pretension. Some of those words are good while others are bad.

Clearly, the word pride is a problem for a lot of people. Some will say that pride comes before a fall; while others believe that the pride of accomplishments is what drives people to success. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be, to encourage you to succeed, and to be proud of your accomplishments.

Even the bible is not really clear about the issue of pride. 2 Corinthians 5:12 says:

We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart.

Apostle Paul’s writing in the above verse shows that one can be proud and be within the will of God.

• Proverbs 8:13 (NIV).  To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

• Proverbs 16:18-19 (NIV).  Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.

What is Humility?

Humility, or being humble, is the characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. It is a disposition to be humble; a lack of false pride.

Humility is one of the seven heavenly virtues that are designed to protect people from the temptations of the seven deadly sins. It is regarded as modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. It is characterized by giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one’s own self.

Pride in Relationships

I believe that for one to have a good relationship you must be proud of your partner. You cannot have a healthy relationship with someone if you look down upon them. Pride is a natural selection tool to help in appropriate pairing. If your partner is not proud of you, it may be a sign of trouble.

A parent should be proud of his family and spend time with them in order to have a deep and meaningful relationship. It is hard for love to thrive without mutual pride, and desire to be with each other.

Pride in Careers

Pride is the belief that you have everything in your career under control because of your uniqueness, skills, authority, and competence. One cleaner will say “I am only a cleaner” while another one will say with pride “I am the cleaner”. The way you look at your job and your importance should not be dictated by others. You should be proud of your position and if you find yourself not being proud, use that as a sign to up your game and move ahead.

Pride in Finances

Many people spend in pride and end up in financial ruin. Instead, invest in pride. Be choosy about your investments. Get the investments that you deserve. Do not have a haughty spirit and spend your money to show off to others. Instead focus on long term financial strategies that you will be proud of for years to come.

Summary

Depending on your religious affiliation, you may see pride as a bad thing. I grew up with pride being demonized, but I am proud person. I like to think of myself as proud in a positive way, proud of who I am, and my contribution to the world.

Many religious and successful people and those that aspire to succeed probably experience conflict in this issue. However as soon as one starts being proud of their achievements, the internal bible tells them to stop. It becomes harder to stop after tasting the sweet joy of success.

I would love to hear your views on pride and humility. Maybe I am missing something.

Being optimistic can bring better health and happiness. Optimism brings a positive mood, high morale, popularity, long life, success and freedom from stress.

Optimism can be learned. You can train yourself to interpret things in a more positive way. You can train yourself to look at a glass as being half full instead of being half empty. How do you respond when life doesn’t go your way? If you do not get the results you expected, do you give up, or do you up your game and try again?

What are upward spirals?

Have you ever had periods in your life where everything seems to be going well, and other periods when everything seems to be going all wrong?

We experience upward or downward spirals in life. Upward spirals mean success that breeds more success. Being optimistic helps steer us to action that improves our current situation. Optimism leads to actions that spur further success.

Optimism vs. Pessimism

Optimism is the feeling that all is going to turn out well. It is a general expectation of the best in all things. Optimists generally believe that people and events are inherently good, so that most situations work out in the end for the best.

Pessimism is the feeling that things will turn out badly. It means looking for the dark side and to expect the worst in all things. A pessimist is a person who expects the worst

The purpose of optimism is to help us thrive while the purpose of pessimism is to help us survive. Optimists are able to see opportunities, while pessimists see danger. What would you rather be; an optimist or a pessimist?

Optimism stirs people to action even when they fail. Pessimists like to think of themselves as more pragmatic and careful. An optimist may say “I tried and failed, maybe if I try again I will succeed”. A pessimist would say “I failed last time, there’s no point of trying again”.

Optimism and Networking

Optimists draw people towards them. Most people prefer to be near those who radiate positive energy. Optimism is contagious, it helps lift people up. It helps make and keep friends. Nobody wants to be surrounded by pessimists who spread gloom and bring them down. Uplifting souls are easier to network with. Improve your optimism in life and get a positive spiral in your networking efforts.

Optimism and Health

Optimists are less likely to die from any cause than pessimists. They are less likely to die from heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes or smoke cigarettes. Optimists are more likely to exercise and eat right. Optimists experience less stress, which means a stronger immune system.

Optimism and Relationships

Believing in your partner and your future together is a strong determinant of how you treat each other. Optimists see the best in their partners and take actions to improve their relationships. Pessimists on the other hand look out for the negative in their partners. Whatever the mind conceives becomes a reality.

Optimism and Careers

Optimists are more likely to succeed in careers. They see the best in people and seek out opportunities and take action to realize their goals. They believe in themselves and are more willing to take risks for career advancement. The more they advance or succeed in careers, the more optimistic they become.

Summary

Being optimistic helps people cope with life’s challenges. It improves health, mind and well being. This helps create positive upward spirals that breed more success.

How would you rate your optimism in various aspects of your life on a scale of 1 to 10?

• Finances
• Relationships
• Family
• Health
• Career
• Character

Fear prevents action and modifies behavior in ways that slow down your journey to victory. Fear has its good side; it just needs to be put in its right place.

Benefits of Fear

1) Survival – Fear helps us see another day. Without fear we would walk right onto an oncoming train or play with dangerous snakes. Without fear we would be recklessly putting our lives on the line. Without fear we would be having unprotected sex with strangers. Rational fear is good and promotes our survival.

2) Excitement – Extreme sports provide an adrenaline rush that is exhilarating and exciting. Living dangerously is fun; not boring at all. I want to get a motor bike and my family and friends tell me that I will die if I do that. I fear that but it still tremendously excites me to perform dangerous stunts with a motor bike. Maybe I should first blog first before getting one, just in case.

According to psychologist Arthur Aaron, fear creates sexual excitement. Stuff happens when people curl up after watching a horror movie. Stuff happens when people are in new cites, getting lost, away from their comfort zones. Fear can provide a powerful form of excitement and there are people who are addicted to living dangerously and pushing the envelop; for that one more bit of excitement brought about by fear.

3) Behavior Modification – Fear of rejection, fear of being ostracized or bullied or even the fear of offending others helps in modifying people’s behaviors to make them socially acceptable. Fear of paying traffic fines or fear of drink driving accidents helps people modify their behavior for the better.

Common Fears & Phobias

Everybody has their own fears and phobias. According to a 2005 Gallup Poll, the top fears by people are

1) Snakes
2) Public Speaking
3) Heights
4) Claustrophobia
5) Spiders and Insects
6) Needles and Shots
7 ) Mice
8)  Flying

According to the Discovery Channel, the top fears are:

1) Fear of Snakes
2) Fear of Being Buried Alive
3) Fear of Heights
4) Fear of Being Bound and Tied Up
5) Fear of Drowning
6) Fear of Public Speaking
7 ) Fear of Hell
8 ) Fear of Cancer
9) Fear of Tornadoes and Hurricanes
10) Fear of Fire

In his classic book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill listed six basic fears. He reckoned that most human beings suffer each of these fears from time to time.

1) The Fear of Poverty
2) The Fear of Criticism
3) The Fear of Ill Health
4) The Fear of Loss of Love of Someone
5) The Fear of Old Age
6) The Fear of Death

Fear of Failure

Many people are paralyzed from taking action by the fear of failure. They fear trying out things or taking action in the belief that they may fail by doing so.

Living in fear of failure means you will only attain a fraction of your success. It is best to dissect what it is you fear and take appropriate steps to correct the fear.

The Effects of Fear of Failure in Daily Life

1) Finances – Many people fear taking risks, even calculated risks in their quest for financial freedom. But in many cases, unless you are willing to venture out of your comfort zone financially, you may never reap big enough dividends to be free. Other people fear going broke or missing opportunities. People who fear missing opportunities end up chasing every opportunity that presents itself.

2) Career – Fearing that you are going to lose your job might be a genuine fear in a recession economy, but it reduces the creativity and output of a worker. People who fear taking career risks end up in mediocre roles that they hate but are too afraid to move way from.

3) Friendships – People fear being ostracized by their friends if they do not conform to the “code of conduct”. That code of conduct normally means peer pressure. People end up conforming to the whims of others to avoid rejection and humiliation. It is a great personal victory to overcome these types of fears.

4) Relationships – Many people never truly give themselves to their relationship partners because of the fear of being heart broken. They hold back and this in turn makes the partners suspect that the person is not fully committed to the relationship. Fear can prevent the deep feeling of love in relationships. The fear of commitment can also hinder relationships where one or both partners fear that their freedom will be taken away from them once they commit to the relationship. Other people end up staying in bad relationships that are emotionally draining or physically abusive because of the fear of being alone. That kind of fear can be destructive to the well being of each person in the relationship

Fear of Success

Many fear people that even after succeeding they still wont be happy. That fear can be very limit to your success. For example if you goal is to get rich and you believe that rich people are evil and will go to hell, then you might end up sabotaging yourself so you do not become rich, hence not go to hell. Clarifying your goals and making them congruent with your belief system can help with this.

Sometimes people fear that once they succeed, they will stand out from their friends and make enemies out of them. In Australia, it is called the fear of the Tall Poppy Syndrome.

People fear that success might be sweet then end. They may fear that success is not sustainable. They rationalize for example that it is better to never taste luxury and success, than taste it then lose it. People who are obese and want to lose weight might fear succeeding for a period then putting the weight back on, thus feeling like failures.

People fear that chasing success is like chasing the wind and that the more you get the more you will want. They might rationalize that it is better to stop chasing success than to become a slave of chasing more and more success eternally.

Our Greatest Fear

I like this quote by Marianne Williamson.

“It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” —Marianne Williamson

Live Courageously

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Summary

Fear has its place in survival and behavior modification, but it can paralyze progress. Successful people should learn about fear and manage it, and even harness it to get the results that they want. Understand fear and put fear in its place. What kind of fears do you have? Are they limiting your success? What can you do to face or address your fears?

Anger management skills include stress management, empathy, impulse control, forgiveness, managing expectations, positive self talk and communication skills improvement.

This is the first topic that I am dealing with in this new series of emotions. It was not originally going to be the first topic. But yesterday someone really pissed me off. They just happened to know how to press my buttons. They said all the wrong things, did all the wrong things. I just about had enough of them. I got angry. I got mad.

Then I started thinking about anger. I asked myself why I was angry, why this person had managed to make me feel that way. I felt that I could not effectively do my work or focus on the good in life. Then it hit me, I am not alone. Many of us experience anger on a constant basis. Some know how to deal with it. But one thing is clear; anger keeps us from achieving our objectives.

For some people, anger becomes a habit, a natural state. We become what we think about and do on a regular basis. We are creatures of habit. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. Anger does not bring out the best in people and I hope to inspire you to better manage anger. This blog post is a letter to me as much as it is a letter to you.

Anger in different areas of life

• Family – Children get angry with parents for not letting them have their way. Anger may be directed towards siblings and other relatives. Parents may direct their anger towards their kids for not behaving as they should.

• Relationships – People in relationships may stockpile resentment and give each other the “silent treatment”. They may avoid intimacy, affection and communication because of anger. Some of the reasons for anger may be minor while others maybe major, enough to shake the foundation of the relationship.

• Career – An employer may be angry at the employees for not doing enough to help a company meet its objectives. Employees may be angry at the employer for an array of grievances. People may also direct their anger to co-workers, competitors, customers and business partners.

• Society – Some people may feel slighted by society and blame others for their misfortunes. Inequalities in society may breed anger sometimes with serious consequences.

• Politics – Anger at the stand taken by one government may lead to an invasion or a world war. Many people are angry at lawmakers for laws that do not serve their objectives.

What is Anger?

Anger is a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance. It is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage.

Anger clouds judgment. It is distracting and kills concentration. Anger can bog you down and makes mountains out of anthills.

Anger is a result of failed expectations. Anger is the difference between what you expected and what you experienced. If you expect people to do something within a particular timeframe and they do not do it, you may get angry. How we chose to interpret things and why they happen is a strong determinant of how angry we get.

Benefits of Anger

Anger is not entirely evil. It is an internal message that tells us that something is not right. It is a message that tells us that we are not happy with how things are. Without anger, people would just accept the status quo and not advance.

• Anger may fuel the desire for success. Some people use anger to spur them to action, to reach within their depths and find success in what they do. Anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish our goals.

• Anger helps modify society. Laws and what is socially acceptable can be modified by anger. Many laws have come into existence because of public outrage. Many laws on domestic violence, child abuse, police brutality and animal rights can trace their roots to anger.

• Anger helps us ask better questions. If we keep asking the same questions, we get the same answers. Anger makes people ask questions that may illuminate a different way of thinking that may lead to success.

• Anger builds relationships; depending on how anger is dealt with, it can enhance the quality of relationships. Anger helps highlight differences in people’s way of thinking and resolving the anger may help the relationship get stronger.

Dangers of Anger

• Anger is self perpetuating – Whenever a person feels angry they start focusing on what is making them angry. The more they focus on something, the more reasons they get for being angry. Many relationships are broken by anger and rage.

• Anger leads to failure - Anger clouds judgment and cause people to make mistakes. Anger prevents people from listening and taking advice. It messes up with the ego and leads people to a path of destruction.

• Anger leads to arguments and confrontation – Anger can lead people to violence, abuse and confrontation. Anger prevents people from reasoning together and causes disagreements.

• Anger stifles creativity – Many people are not at their element when angry. The people who feel slighted are on a lower plane of thoughts than winners. Anger makes people only as creative as it would take to right the wrong, but not to move beyond that. Anger steals focus and concentration.

• Anger reduces happiness – An angry person is not happy as they find all the reasons not to be. Happiness is a state that does not sit very well with anger.

• Anger saps energy – Anger takes away energy that could be better used in pursuing success and improving the quality of life.

• Anger prevents responsibility – Angry people tend to blame others instead of taking responsibility. It is very hard to succeed in life without taking responsibility for ones fortunes or actions.

Anger Management Techniques

• Use a journal to record every time you feel angry. Proactively notice when you are about to get angry. Analyze the associated feelings and thoughts. Start addressing those issues one by one. Address each of the thoughts and feelings.

• Avoid victim mentality – A victim mentality makes people angry. Adopt a winner’s attitude as opposed to that of a victim. Winners make things happen while things happen to victims. Winners take responsibility while victims blame others. Winners look at the positive in situations while victims look for the negative.

• Use Humor – Laughter is the best medicine. Humor helps one to get a more balanced perspective on issues instead of being dangerously angry. We say that one day “we shall laugh about this” when in difficult situations. Why not laugh about it today? Avoid sarcastic laugh and jokes as they may just perpetuate the reasons for anger.

• Calculated Response - Delay your responses when angry. You may need to take time out or try your best to control your impulses. Remember that you always have a choice to do right or wrong. Think of repercussions before taking rash action when angry.

• Ask Better Questions - Use anger to solve deep problems. Try and learn from the reason why you are angry and think of ways of preventing future anger.

• Manage Expectations - Avoid unrealistic expectations and give room for error to others.

• Empathy - Try put yourself in the shoes of others to help you understand how your anger may affect them or their reason for doing that which made you angry in the first place.

• Positive Self Talk - Fill your mind with positive messages and think of ways of improving your life and the situation instead of focusing on the negatives and the details of your anger.

• Forgiveness - Forgive yourself and those who wrong you. It does not mean turning the other cheek and letting people walk all over you. Instead communicate your unhappiness and resolve differences then move on.

• Communicate Effectively - Be assertive in your communication. Express your needs assertively without hurting others or resulting to aggressive behavior.

Summary

I hope this article has helped you look at the emotion of anger in a new perspective. Anger has some benefits but it can slow us down in the journey for success if not handled properly. Handling anger is a necessary and important part of success.

An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Answers.com defines emotions as a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort. Emotions are a complex subject that has been defined and examined by many researchers. We shall only be looking at a few emotions and trying to understand how they affect our success.

Emotional Intelligence

Salovey and Mayer (1990) defined emotional intelligence (EI) as “the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”

This series will be about improving our emotional intelligence for success in all spheres of life.

• Perceiving emotions – this means detecting and making sense of emotions. It means identifying your emotional states.
• Using emotions – harnessing emotions to change your mood, think or take action.
• Understanding emotions – comprehending how emotions relate to each other and how they evolve.
• Managing emotions – harnessing our own emotions and those of others to achieve the desired goals. It means directing emotions (positive and negative ones) towards attainment of your goals (success).

Positive and Negative Emotions

Emotions can be positive or negative. They range from joy, passion, and hope to anger, jealousy and guilt.

Some positive emotions include: Able, Accepted, Accepting, Accomplished, Accountable, Achieving, Adequate, Affluent, Ambitious, Appreciated, Assertive, Authentic, Awesome, Balanced, Beautiful, Blessed, Brave, Bright, Brilliant, Calm, Capable, Caring, Certain, Cheerful, Cherished, Comfortable, Committed, Compassionate, Complete, Composed etc

Negative emotions include:  Ashamed, Criticized, Disrespected, Embarrassed, Humiliated, Inferior, Insulted, Invalidated, Controlled, Imprisoned, Inhibited, Forced, Manipulated, Abandoned, Alone, Brushed off, Confused, Discouraged, Ignored, Insignificant, Invisible, Abused, Afraid, Attacked, Defensive,  Frightened, Insecure, Intimidated, Cynical, Guarded, Skeptical, Suspicious, Untrusting etc

Summary

As you can see, there are very many types of emotions, both positive and negative. We shall be looking of ways of harnessing our emotions for success.

If you have a suggestion of the kind of emotions to tackle in this series, I would love to hear from you either on the comments form or on the contact form on the blog.

Kind Regards.
Daniel Ngari

His resignation and reasons given were hailed as “extraordinary public service”. His resignation marked a step forward in the destigmatisation of mental illness in Australia.

Gordon Parker, of Sydney’s Black Dog Institute, predicted Dr Gallop’s confession would assist other people, particularly men, in seeking help for their own mental health problems. “It’s a marker of how destigmatisation is proceeding in this country for a politician to be able to … openly use the word depression as a reason for stepping down”.

Professor Parker said Dr Gallop’s diagnosis was a reminder that “the black dog” did not respect rank or position. It can affect anybody at any time,” he said. Around one million Australian adults and 100,000 young people live with depression each year.

Dr Gallop is now a Professor and Director, Graduate School of Government at the University of Sydney, Australia. He gave a speech titled “Depression – past, present and future” at the launch of Beaton Consulting/beyondblue Annual Professions Survey, in Melbourne on the 23rd of April 2007. Below are some highlights from his speech.

• Since my own decision to seek medical help for depression early in 2006 I have learnt a good deal about myself and the condition which we have appropriately labelled “The Black Dog”

• However, in order to learn these things I had to acknowledge that I had a problem. Self help only follows when there is self awareness. By its very nature depression is a secret for whom there is no story-teller. Not talking about it is part of its definition.

• We hold it in as it tears away at our senses and our sensibility. It’s very personal and its very deep. We disconnect from the world and from others, with despair occasionally descending into a living hell.

What is Depression?

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by a pervasive low mood, low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. Depression is one of the most common of all mental health problems. One in five people experience depression at some stage of their lives.

Depression is more than just a low mood – it’s a serious illness. While we all feel sad, moody or low from time to time, some people experience these feelings intensely, for long periods of time and often without reason. People with depression find it hard to function every day and may be reluctant to participate in activities they once enjoyed. (beyondblue.org.au)

Types of Depression

• Major depression – a depressed mood that lasts for at least two weeks. This may also be referred to as clinical depression or unipolar depression.
• Psychotic depression – a state of depression so severe that the person loses contact with reality and suffers a variety of functional impairments. It is a depressed mood which includes symptoms of psychosis. Psychosis involves seeing or hearing things that are not there (hallucinations), feeling everyone is against you (paranoia) and having delusions.
• Dysthymia – is a type of low-grade depression typified by depressed mood that lasts for years.
• Mixed depression and anxiety – a combination of symptoms of depression and anxiety.
• Bipolar disorder – (formally known as manic depressive illness) – involves periods of feeling low (depressed) and high (manic). (Source)

Symptoms of Depression

• Self Esteem – Low self-esteem is a symptom of depression.
• Sleeping Patterns – Depression can lead to irregular sleep patterns and insomnia.
• Appetite – Depression tends to suppress most biological functions and drives related to hunger. Changes in appetite or weight may signal depression.
• Negative Emotions – Depression brings forth negative emotions such as pessimism, anger, guilt, irritability and anxiety.
• Emotional Rollercoaster – Varying emotions throughout the day, for example, feeling worse in the morning and better as the day progresses
• Hard to Please: Hobbies and interests may no longer be pleasing. Depression leads to lack of interest in activities or moments previously enjoyed.
• House of Pain: Depression may make one more susceptible to a host of pains and ailments.
• Changed sex drive: absent or reduced
• Concentration and Memory: some people are so impaired that they think that they are becoming demented.
• Reduced motivation: it doesn’t seem worth the effort to do anything, things seem meaningless.

There is a simple depression quiz on http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-symptom-quiz that can be used to diagnose depression.

Antidepressants

An antidepressant is a psychiatric medication used for alleviating major depression. It is a class of drugs used to treat depression; and often have undesirable side effects.

Depression and suicide

Although most people who are depressed do not kill themselves, untreated depression can increase the risk of possible suicide. It is not uncommon for depressed individuals to have thoughts about suicide whether or not they intend to act on these thoughts. Up to 15% of those who are clinically depressed die by suicide. The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression can make suicide feel like the only way to make the pain go away. If someone you know is threatening suicide or talking of wanting to hurt him/herself, seek professional help right away.

Useful Depression Links

• http://www.webmd.com/depression/default.htm
• http://www.beyondblue.org.au
• http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

Summary

Depression is a serious mental problem that affects 1 in 5. It can lead to suicide on one extreme but for the vast majority of people, it is only mild, but enough to curtail happiness and achievement.

If you suspect you have depression, there is no shame in seeking medical assistance as illustrated by former WA premier Dr Geoff Gallop.

Do you have thoughts on depression that you would like to share with fellow readers? Have you ever been depressed? Do you know anyone who has gone through depression? Do you have a unique point or insight that you can add to this topic? I would love to hear your opinion. Thank you.