Jonah bought a couple of tools and left the shop after about half an hour. They talked with Jesus about the new farm and life in general. As he walked away, he kept thinking that Jesus the son of Joseph was growing fast into a wise young man. And he was right.

The Making of a King

Jesus was born into working class family. His dad worked as a carpenter and became an apprentice there. He worked diligently as a carpenter with his father.

After his 30^th birthday, he switched careers and became a teacher. He taught, challenged and inspired the people around him.

His teachings spread around the world and are still pertinent even after 2000 years. He is one of the inspiring legends upon whose shoulders I stand. What can we learn about this man Jesus Christ?

Lessons from the King of Kings

1 –Diligence Pays

He knew that he was the son of God but he did not sit on his laurels. He was up and about, had a job as a carpenter and worked crazy hours to achieve his goals. Positive thinking will only take you so far. You need to put in the hours and apply yourself to reach your goals.

2 – Have a Mission

His mission on earth was to teach the word of God and die for our sins so we may have eternal life. His mission was not easy; he endured tribulation but did not waver.

Determine what your mission in life is and go for it. Develop a mission statement and spend your life fulfilling it. With a mission statement, everything falls into perspective. You define your own boundaries and prioritize things in your life.

Your mission is different from your goals. Think of your mission as your core values, and your goals as tools to live up to your mission.

3 – Stories Sell

Parable after parable, Jesus shared his lessons with people as stories. He realized that human beings are suckers for a good story. Stories teach and sell.

What is your story? Package your achievements, your desires and goals into stories and tell them. You will be more likely to get an audience with stories than with facts alone. Stories help connect people and turbo charge bonding.

4 – Be a Team Player

Jesus realized that he needed a good team to help pass on his message. He assembled a team of disciples and worked well with them. They taught the gospel even after he was gone.

Everyone is gifted or experienced in their own area. Knowing how to tap into the unique talents and experiences of people can transform you from zero to hero and beyond.

5 – Fear Not

Jesus’ teachings were going against the accepted teachings at the time. He was amassing enemies at an alarming rate. He would have slowed down but he did not. He believed that what he stood for was right and his message needed to be heard.

Do not let fear paralyze you. Fear prevents action and modifies behavior in ways that slow down your journey to victory… What kind of fears do you have? Are they limiting your success? What can you do to face or address your fears?

6 – Show Leadership

Jesus was able to influence others through his teachings, his character and style. He inspired people to want to live a better life instead of forcing them into it. He also empowered his disciples and delegated authority to them.

You will achieve more by being a good leader.

Do not just sit back and wait to be led. Chart your path, grow and give others the opportunity to follow you. A good leader needs to be strong and unwavering. A good leader must have a vision and empathy for his followers. If you want to be a better leader, care more.

7 – Be Prepared

Jesus did not just wake up and start teaching people. He studied carpentry, religion, law and other disciplines. If you want to be a roaring success story, put in the hours to learn and practice. Learn from the people who are already successful at what you aspire to do. Study and copy them.

Gain valuable experiences and do your home work before you embark on a journey. You would not climb Mount Kilimanjaro before thorough preparation…right? Be sucker for preparation if you want to avoid fatal mistakes.

8 – Shun Intolerance

Jesus talked with both the elite and the poor in society. He talked with the sinners and the people the masses rejected. He saved a woman who was about to be stoned for adultery. He ate at a hated tax collectors house.

He treated everyone with love and respect. People come in different in looks, shapes, beliefs, tastes, habits, views etc.

If you don’t accept or at least respect diversity in people, it will limit how high you soar. To rise above mediocrity, we must shun intolerance by taking active steps to respect diversity.

9 – Be Generous

Jesus gave his life to save us from eternal damnation. He endured gross injustices and violations to his human rights for greater good.

When at a party and the booze ran out, he was swift to change water into wine. He turned a few loaves and fish into a lavish bash.

Giving with an open heart will open floodgates of blessings in your life. If you practice the habit of giving, the universe will compensate you many times over. Be a cheerful giver.

Give something of value to people you meet. Not necessarily money but what you have in your reserves. When you give, you are making a deposit in your spiritual account and you will reap your rewards with the same measure you give out.

10 – Humility is not Cowardice

Even though he was the Son of God, Jesus came to the world and was born in a manger. He endured poverty and humiliation to achieve his goals. You may have to swallow humble pie to achieve some of your goals.

Avoid pride especially when things start looking up in your life.  Pride comes before a fall. A bloated ego as a result of winning can obstruct common sense.

Summary

I hope I did not step on too many toes through this blog post. Religion is a touchy subject for some. Having said that; there are many lessons we can learn from Jesus Christ. Take a moment to read the bible even if you are not a Christian. It is a book with pearls of wisdom on how to succeed in life and beyond. Be blessed.

One of the main reasons for starting this blog is for me to learn ways of aligning my career and activities with the spirit of giving. I want to use my God given talents, life experiences, success and failures to inspire you to be the best that you can be. I have my reasons for doing this and I will share them with you shortly. But first I will share with you a short story from my growing up days in Kenya.

There was a lovely family that lived a few blocks from our house. We were relatively good friends and one day, my sister and I went there for a visit. We had a fabulous time, stayed there all afternoon and even had dinner there. When it came time to go we said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. Unfortunately as soon as we walked out, it started raining cats and dogs. We walked back to the house and stood outside the door where we could see everyone inside. It was dark outside and all bright inside. We did not realize it at the time, but our friends could not see us. We watched in disbelief as they tore into our family demonizing us left right and centre. I was shell shocked, how could these people, people we regarded as friends speak such malicious evil? Right after we had such a great time with them?

It is unfortunate that many people will laugh with you, dine with you and then talk nasty behind your back. You probably do that yourself from time to time. I have done it too. It is not a good thing and if we are to rise above mediocrity, we must shun that kind of behavior. It is tempting to bring people down when we are threatened by them. It is easy to want to bring people down if we think they are rising up too fast and leaving us behind.

In Australia, we call it the Tall Poppy Syndrome. Tall Poppy Syndrome is resentment of others’ success. It is something that we need to be aware of and shun as we seek success. If you are planning to be successful, you need to be aware that there are people who will try and bring you down. If you are trying to be successful, spare you energy and focus on what will make you successful instead of wasting time and energy resenting others.

Bringing people down through negative comments and thoughts only hinders your own success. It is a natural trait that we have as humans to want to bring others down, but you should deliberately change this natural urge to a more empowering mindset. The way to do this is by intentionally wanting, wishing and working for the success of others. When others succeed, instead of being jealous, you will be very happy and proud of yourself. It is even better if you can tie your own success to the success of others.

How can you succeed by building others up?

Someone pointed out that I gave an example that drug dealers also provide value to their customers. While it is true that drug dealers provide value in the short term, they ultimately destroy the lives of those same customers. You need to be able to decide how you are going to build others up through your efforts, and whether it is short term or long term. My approach is to focus on how to build others up in the long term.

One of the most successful men in the world today is Bill Gates. I have massive respect for him for his dream, vision, and work of bringing personal computers to the desktops of ordinary families. His company, Microsoft, has been instrumental in building millions of people up by creating software and helping make the PC affordable.

For you to build others up, you have to want it, visualize it and take action. If you are currently thinking of starting a career, you can choose a career that will have a lot of positive impact on others. For example, I was talking to a brilliant engineer friend who wants to use her engineering knowledge to build solar panels and other environmentally friendly solutions. Such an endeavor will help build not just the current generation up, but also future generations.

Succeeding by building others up is akin to planting good seeds. You reap what you sow. If you do a good job for others it will come back to you. For example, if you work hard for your employer and help him achieve his objectives, he may be able to stay in business longer and maybe even give you a pay rise. Whatever your job is, you can do more to improve the fortune of your employer. Do not just do just enough to save your job, go beyond your call of duty to deliver exceptional value.

Building other’s up means that you are self confident about your situation and prospects in life. It means you are grateful for what you have and have a generous spirit to share. This is very important for your success. The more grateful you are, the more success you will attract in your life.

Succeeding by building others up is the most sustainable way of succeeding. If I work really hard to write great articles that will change your life, you are most likely going to keep coming back for more and maybe invite your friends to this site. It is the same in business and other areas of life. If you build other people up, they will be happy with you and spread the word on your behalf saving you big bucks in advertising costs.

Can you succeed if you do not build others up?

Yes you can succeed by being selfish and by destroying other people. Drug dealers do succeed by destroying the long term lives of their customers but that kind of success is not sustainable. Sooner or later it catches up with them.

As Bob Marley used to sing “You can fool some people sometimes, and you can fool some people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time”. It is the same with success, you can succeed sometimes by bringing people down, but you cannot succeed all the time by bringing people down.

An Example of Success through Building Others Up

I love teachers, maybe it has something to do with my dad having been a teacher and the fact that my sister is a teacher. Last Sunday in church they played a video of a dinner discussion between a lawyer and a teacher. As much as I love lawyers too, I thought this video will be a good example of how someone can succeed by building others up. Teachers do an amazing job and we can all learn from them.

Video Transcript

By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

He says the problem with teachers is, “What’s a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”
He reminds the other dinner guests that it’s true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it’s also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we’re eating, after all, and this is polite company.

“I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor,” he says.
“Be honest. What do you make?”

And I wish he hadn’t done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won’t I let you get a drink of water?
Because you’re not thirsty, you’re bored, that’s why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven’t called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, “Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don’t you?”
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

Summary

No matter what you do in life, whether you are a teacher or a lawyer, a cleaner or a business man, you can succeed by building others up. Find what others need and give them exceptional value. Always ask yourself, “what can I do to build this person or people up?”.

Take Action

It does not matter how much you know if you never take action. You will rarely get that dream job unless you place the right job applications. You will not get that lean and fit body unless you exercise and eat right.

Do not just sit there and think of all the things you are capable of. Instead, a have a bias for action. Get out there and do something. You may be thinking of starting a business or a relationship. That will only materialize if you take action. Fantasizing about your potential will only leave you feeling unfulfilled in the end, if you do not take action.

Use Other People’s Resources

I first heard of the term OPM (Other People’s Money) ten years ago. I got fascinated by the concept and read up on it, and discovered it goes further than that. It extends to other resources, not just money.

You can use other people money to amplify your potential. Banks and insurance companies reap huge benefits by using our money. People take their savings to the bank and are rewarded with a negligible interest rate. The bank then takes the money and lends it to the next guy for a fortune. Listed companies use shareholders money to run their operations.

Are you working long hours trying to make a living or is other people’s money working for you? It is not too late to start thinking of how you can take advantage of other people’s money, just like the banks do.

Using other peoples money wisely and profitably WILL amplify your success. On the other hand, losing other people money in a failed venture can leave you with a deep hole in your pocket. The trick is to do your homework on how to profit from other people’s money.

People and banks will lend you an umbrella when it is raining and ask for it when it starts drizzling. It happens all the time especially in the stock market. Many investors will quickly withdraw their money from your venture at the first sign of trouble. Be careful with other people’s money, but do not underestimate its potential.

You can also tap onto other people’s resources; experiences, time, passions and expertise to turbo charge your success. First you need to align your intentions to make sure you are pulling in the same direction. Create a win-win situation and you will laugh all the way to the bank.

Focused Effort

My mind is constantly coming up with ideas of what I need to do. I end up with a plethora of unfinished projects. I consider myself a man of great potential, but am quickly realizing that there are only 24 hours in a day. Not everything that passes through my mind can be done, unfortunately. I am learning to prioritize and saying NO to good opportunities that I would not have let slide a few years ago.

Do you find yourself trying to juggle more than a few projects or ideas? If you get nothing else from today’s posting, get this: Be Focused!

It is an area of life that I admittedly fall short in but I am trying. Why? I think it makes a lot of sense. Why do 10 mediocre things when you can do one thing very well? The more focused you are on something, the greater your success rate. Do not be a jack of all trades and end up as a master of none.

Have a Mastermind Group

In his timeless classic book, “Think and Grow Rich”, Napoleon Hill said “When a group of individual brains are coordinated and function in harmony, the increased energy created through the alliance, becomes available to every individual in the group”.

Very few fortunes (if any) are made by people who work in isolation. That is the precise reason why companies have boards of directors. The directors brainstorm and use their collective experiences, contacts and expertise for the betterment of the company.

You can assemble your own “board of directors” in your life. Identify people you can connect with in harmony, for a definite purpose, and that will surely amplify your potential.

Napoleon Hill also said:  “Men take on the nature and habits and the power of thought of those with whom they associate in a spirit of sympathy and harmony”.

Think of the 5 people closest to you. Chances are they think like you, talk like you and enjoy the same things as you. If you dig deeper, you will realize just how much impact they have in your life. The bible says “show me your friends, and I will tell you what kind of person you are”. They say that birds of a feather flock together.

Consciously assembling a mastermind group could turn out to be on of your best time investments. How do you become a millionaire if all your friends all earn 15,000 per year? How do you live a healthy life if you and your friends are always at the pub till the wee hours of the morning? How do you get ahead in life without a single encouraging voice in the vicinity? A mastermind group is the master key to unlocking potential.

In today’s post we uncover some relationship myths that may be holding us back. Hopefully you will be inspired to approach relationships from a new angle.

Myth 1: A great relationship depends on a seamless connection of the minds.

It is important to remember that you are two different people. You may have different outlooks in life but the kind of relationship you have has nothing to do with this. You will not avoid conflict by supposedly thinking alike. You should not bend backwards and start thinking like the other person in the belief that you will have a happy relationship. On the contrary you will become a very unhappy person.

Myth 2: You require very high problem solving skills in a relationship otherwise it won’t work.

You will be surprised how many problems are actually unsolvable in relationships. This is for the simple reason that you are historically different in your beliefs on some issues. And there is nothing wrong with that. When you are different, problems will keep arising and not all are solvable, but this doesn’t mean you can’t have a good relationship. You just get to a level where both of you can let it go. Learn to live with the differences.

Myth 3: You need to have common interests that hold you together forever.

You don’t need to have common interests to get your relationship working. Creating time for each other is the most important thing to do, not forcing your partner into golf or a book club because that is what you like.

Myth 4: A great relationship has to be peaceful.

Arguments are a part of life and there are times you will feel like setting your partner on fire. But that does not mean your relationship wont work. On the contrary you will be able to settle your differences and perhaps become better people after a very heated argument. Do not feel the temptation to suppress your true feelings when you disagree with your spouse about something

Myth 5: You are able to totally speak your mind in a great relationship.

When words leave your mouth, there is no way you can ever take them back. Whether you have the best relationship in the world, some things that you spurt out may harm your relationship forever. Before you let out those words consider that effect they will have in your relationship, be wise enough to think objectively even when you are very angry.

Myth 6: If you have flaws then you cannot have a great relationship.

No person is perfect. We all have shortcomings in one way or the other. There are some with more visible flaws than others, if your partner has a few problems, learn to work around them. Always focus on the things that attracted you to them in the first place. Work on your relationship and you can achieve nirvana with that same person.

Myth 7: There is a universal way of making a relationship great

There is no single road map to a successful relationship. There are many ways as there are people in the world. This is not to say that the fundamentals of a healthy relationship such as communication be abused. But do not try to blindly do what you read in a book; work with what is good for you and your partner. There is not a standard way of making your relationship great.

This year, I have been unshackling myself from mental slavery. I earmarked 2009 as the year of unparalleled professional and personal growth. It has meant getting rid of some beliefs that were royally screwing my life and preventing me from getting ahead.

I decided to start this blog to share my experiences, lessons and thoughts with others…why? To inspire you to be the best you can be. It has not been an easy road exposing my life to people I might never meet. But it is a small prize to pay to make a positive contribution in your life. I might never meet you in person, but it is my hope that your success will inspire others too.

Early this week, I posted a blog post about setting up systems to serve you. If you have a good belief system… a collection of ideas, outlook, habits, and action triggers, you will succeed. The kind of belief system you set up will determine how high you rise and how far you go. To succeed, you have to let go of self limiting beliefs.

Will Smith is one of my favorite actors of all time. You can watch him on a video I posted in January 2009 on the about page of this blog. He said that he believes whole-heartedly that our thoughts, our feelings, our dreams; our ideas are PHYSICAL in the universe. Your belief system WILL manifest itself in your physical life.

I am living testimony that positive thoughts can transform a life. I had reached the depths sheol and did not like it down there. My beliefs and ideas were keeping me down. I tried the positive thinking “nonsense” and it surprisingly made absolute sense to me. I urge you to give it a try my friend. Commit yourself to a complete renewal of your mind through positive thoughts. What you think, you become. What you believe, you get.

Let us look at a few areas of life that a shaky belief system can cost you (and what to do about it).

Finances

• Generosity – What are your thoughts on giving? I have found that the more you give the more it comes back to you. Do not hoard the little you have thinking that you will start giving when you “get there”. Commit a certain percentage of your time and resources for generosity. If you cannot give $10 to your church when you have $100, it is unlikely that you will give them a hundred grand when you make a million.
• Sow and Reap – As a man soweth, so shall he also reap. What kind of seeds are you planting in your life right now? Whether you realize it or not, you are a farmer. You are always planting and harvesting. If you plant an extravagant lifestyle on credit, you will reap massive debt. If you sow an automatic investment strategy, then you will reap compounded returns.
• Don’t work for money – Do you believe that you have to work for money? That is not cool. Let money work for you instead. Don’t rock up to a job you hate every day for the rest of your life just for the paycheck. Find your passion, do what you like to do, not what money makes you do. The irony is that the more you do what you enjoy doing, the more money you will get.
• The quickest path to happiness – I have said previously on this blog that those who say money cannot buy happiness don’t know where to shop. I maintain that view, but let me add something… you can still be happy without spending your money. The quickest path to happiness is contentment.
• Gain Financial Literacy – Do you bury your head in the sand and let your accountant crunch the numbers for you? Do you say that you are not good with numbers or that finance is too complicated? Such a belief system can cost you a fortune. Get busy now and acquire financial literacy. Celebrities who hand over their money to money managers at times end up in the poor house if they do not pay attention to the details of their financial standing.

Career

• Flexible goals – Some people believe that just because their biology teacher said it, they have to become doctors. Just because you were good in math does not mean you should be an accountant. Be flexible and adaptable to changing times and opportunities in your career.
• It may take time to succeed – Career success does not happen overnight. Be prepared to put in the hours, effort and perseverance. Success is normally found just after others give up. Push yourself, don’t give up.
• Formal qualifications are not the “alpha and omega” of career success. You can succeed in a career that you did not earn a degree. I am a graduate in Business (Marketing & Information Systems) but what I do has little to do with what I studied at uni. I know a lot of people who have had career success in what they trained in. I also a lot of others that have succeeded in areas of their passion even though they do not have any formal training.
• Work on your strengths – In school we are taught to focus on our weak areas. To repeat until we get it. But real life is a little different. Work on your strengths instead of wasting your time on what you are not good at. You can always subcontract your weak areas if you find success on what you are good at.
• It is never too late – I recently read a story about a middle aged lady that had gone back to university to study law. She had been running a clothing store for 20 years. She went on to become a successful lawyer. Do not be stuck in a rut for fear of change. As long as you are not six feet underground, you can do whatever you put your mind to.

Relationships

• Treat yourself nice – How you treat and perceive yourself will have a dramatic effect on how others treat you. Think about it, when you meet new people, you treat them according to how they present or express themselves. Put your best foot forward and others will treat you accordingly.
• Relationships are forever – Think of creating win-win situations with others. Whether you are talking with your customers or wife, treat them with respect and set a foundation for an ongoing relationship.
• Birds of a feather – You will be judged by the company you keep. People you surround yourself with can infect you with their enthusiasm for life or their morbid desire for punishment.
• Stereotypes – Do not succumb to stereotyping yourself or others. Take time to listen and learn about others before making sweeping statements.

In Summary

You can do whatever your put your mind to. Your beliefs affect your relationships, your finances, your health and much more. Think positively and constantly re-evaluate your belief system.

Kindly share this article with your friends. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic. For the readers who have supported this blog in the last eight months, I say a big thank you. I appreciate you.

Man can form things in his thought, and, by impressing his thought upon formless substance, can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.

Discussion

I would love to hear you ideas and opinion on the power of thoughts  in wealth creation. Your comments are highly appreciated.

1 – Be Selfish

Assume the world revolves around you and everybody is here to serve you. Make everything all about you. Don’t care about other people. Don’t be attuned to their feelings.

Develop a reputation as a selfish person. Give less than you receive. Don’t listen to what others have to say. Just wait for your turn to speak and tell them how you feel. Dazzle them with your intelligence and insight. You are a great man or woman after all. You know so much and they know so little.

2 – Be Inconsistent

Be completely random. Don’t let mere mortals know what you stand for. Be polite to people in one moment and completely rude the next morning. Say hello to someone and behave like you have never seen them, a few hours later.

Dress immaculately in business suits in the morning and like a thug in the afternoon. Forget what you stood for yesterday. Give people mixed signals. Train people to expect the unexpected with you. Laugh with delight as you see people wonder who you really are. Keep them on their toes. Keep them guessing.

3 – Have a don’t care attitude

Stop paying attention to little details and little people. Do not care about what made you successful in the first place. You have arrived. You have it all. Nothing else matters.

Do not think about the future. Live for the moment. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Behave as if today is the end of life. Don’t save any money, blow the little you have on luxuries you can hardly afford.

Be guilt free. Do not be tied by a little thing called conscience. Be rough with people. Do what your heart desires without regard for consequences on you and on others. Do not be empathetic at all.

4 – Try and please everybody

Be a double dealer. Keep everyone happy regardless of what that does to your reputation. As long as everyone is happy, be happy. Don’t worry about being true, honest or authentic. Focus on keeping everyone happy and everything will be alright.

Don’t have any set boundaries. Shift your boundaries when your values and rules come in the way of pleasing others. Borrow from Tom to pay Ken. Shuffle people around like a deck of cards. They are happy after all.

5 – Be a mini-somebody else

Identify someone you admire. Learn everything you can about them. Learn a whole lot about that one person. Forget who you were and become a mini version of that person. Let that person be surprised and flattered when they see how good a disciple you are.

Follow their every move and attempt to be like them. Let others acknowledge that you are really a mini version of that other guy. Make sure people can’t even tell the difference between you and the person you aspire to be like. (The only difference being that you are the “mini” version)

6 – Be ordinary

Be the opposite of remarkable. Blend in with the crowd. Be invisible. Do not draw any attention to yourself. Let people be shocked when you tell them you went to the same party with them last Saturday. Make sure no one can remember you. Do not be funny. Do not be interesting. Do not standout at all.

Do just enough at your job to avoid being fired. Do half baked jobs. Have a neutral reputation. Do not have an angle, or a defining characteristic that would make you exciting or interesting.

7 – Disappoint people

Have fun with this one. Build people’s expectations, then boom, drop the bombshell. They have been duped. Do not deliver what you said you will. Manage expectations in a weird way. Let people expect so much from you, then give them so little. Make people trust you, and then betray them.

Be a cold liar. Be a snake oil salesman. Lower your own standards every time you deal with people. Be the scum of the earth. Let people see a new form of low every time they deal with you.

8 – Easily Give up

Just relax and stop trying so damn hard! Find something easy to do, avoid anything challenging. Do not follow up on matters. If it takes too long, get bored. It is your right to get bored. Develop a reputation as a person who wants it now. Have zero patience, perseverance and persistence.

9 – Be Ignorant

Forget even the little you knew. Be stagnant. Stop learning new stuff. You already know enough. Why gained specialized knowledge? What for?

Make sure when people want to hide something from you, all they have to do is write it down in a book. Don’t read any book, or ask any questions that may make you learn something new. Your brain is too precious to be exercised and filled with new junk.

10 – Have a couple of bad habits

I saved the best one for last. Get an addiction! Think of all the bad things you can be addicted to. Maybe cigarettes, or alcohol… but everyone does those ones. Why not try something harder like heroine or cocaine? Or if you are not into drugs, why not try watching porn everyday, or too much television?

There are many bad habits you can pick. Maybe simple ones like picking your nose in public or talking with food in your mouth. Or if you really want to ruin your personal brand, why not commit a felony? Be a criminal. Break into someone’s house or kill your enemy.

Summary

You should now have at least two or three neat ways of ruining your personal brand after reading this blog post. You are now aware of what the above actions do to your personal brand. All the best in your mission; whatever it may be.

Freedom from Fear

To stamp your authority in your career you need to eliminate all forms of fear and live courageously. Get rid of the fear of failure, fear of punishment, fear of making mistakes and even the fear of being told “you are fired”.

Fear paralyzes and causes inaction. It modifies behavior and keeps people in their comfort zones. You need to break free from your comfort zone if you are to become an authority in your chosen career. Eliminate the fear of the unknown through constant learning, asking questions and throwing yourself in new and challenging situations.

I like this quote on fear by Marianne Williamson, from her 1992 book, “Return to Love”.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Specialized Knowledge

Enhance your personal brand by becoming highly skilled in your chosen career. You can gain expert status in you field through extensive reading, attending seminars or even apprenticeship. Dig deeper into your field than your peers. Stay in the bleeding edge of innovation in your area of work.

Power of Persuasion

In my favorite movie of all time, The Godfather, Don Corleone made Jack Woltz an offer he could not refuse. I will not get into the details of the offer but sometimes it is necessary to sweeten your offer for you to get ahead in life. People act out of the desire to eliminate pain and desire to gain pleasure. Learn how to use a balance of those two motivations to create an offer that people cannot refuse.

Know who to make the offer to, when and how. You need to practice to become more persuasive if it does not come naturally to you. Listening skills are vital in becoming more persuasive. Learn to listen to both what people say and what they do not say. Learn to read people’s body language and hidden message (like in this section of this blog post).

Unparalleled Value

Don’t just turn up to work. Ask yourself what you can do for your employer, more than you ask yourself what your employer can do for you. Understand and articulate the needs of your customers better than anyone else.

Learn to anticipate their needs and obsess about providing value. Be generous and give until it hurts. Seek feedback from your employer or customers on how your value has impacted them and seek to provide more value based on that feedback.

Remember that money is only a medium of exchange and has no intrinsic value.  The paradox of money is that the sooner you ask for it the less of it you will receive in the long run. Worry about giving value and money will take care of itself. Worry about value creation and delivery more than you worry about pay rises and getting paid.

Power Networking

Meet the key people in your industry. Do not be proud of just accumulating business cards in your rolodex. Make sure your personal brand and first impressions are working to your advantage.

Seek to be friends with your contacts. People love to do business with their friends. It is not corruption, it is human nature. Rarely do people enjoy playing golf with people who have a one track mind – business, more business and yet more business.

Do not pressure people in your networking efforts. Be desirable. Package yourself nicely. Let others seek you for your appeal instead of you pushing yourself to them.

Leadership Skills

Learn, internalize and practice leadership skills. Be good in goal setting, project management and be good with people. Develop your people skills by seeing the good in them, and seeking to bring out the best in others.

Develop your leadership skills through attending leadership seminars, talking with other leaders, reading books, blogs and watching DVDs on leadership skills development. Go out there and learn to lead by doing. Leading even the smallest of teams will develop more of your leadership skills than a seminar would.

Mentoring

Chart your own career path. Decide what is important for you. You do not want to wait for a mentor to tell you what is good for you. They will guide you based on their world view, past experiences and warped ideas of who you are.

Do not have just one mentor. Find many people who you admire and find little things about each that you can implement in your life. Do not become a clone of someone else.

To become an authority in your field and to prosper your personal brand, consider mentoring others. Share your lessons that you have learned over time. Give whoever you are mentoring genuine value. Be genuinely interested in helping the people you mentor.

Outlast Competition

Authority status is not acquired overnight. Be persistent in your aspiration for authority status in your chosen field. Continuously develop your career. Learn the ropes. Learn the people. Ingrain yourself in the culture. Be an insider. Speak the lingo.

Outlasting your competition does not mean staying with the same company or line of business all your life. But it does mean immersing yourself in one general area of business for years on end. Remember that rolling stones gather no moss. You need to stick around for the harvest. Authorities do not plant then leave immediately.

Believe in Yourself

Others may doubt you, do not join them. Conduct a SWOT analysis of yourself. Learn your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. You cannot be everything. Find an angle and stick with it. Become really good at what you do using your own unique angle.

There will always be people who are better than you in something just as there will always be people you are better than. Do not let the success of others make you jealous or diminish your belief in yourself.

Be happy in your own achievements, however humble. Count your blessings everyday. Build your confidence by achieving and celebrating your milestones on your career journey.

Befriend the Rule Book

Each profession operates within confines of the law and standards. Know the limits in your careers. Stretch the limits but do not break them. Ignorance is not a defense. Find advisors to guide you when you get to ETC (end of thinking capacity).

Summary

To become an authority in your chosen career, you must first believe in yourself. Know the rules and network expertly. Gain specialized knowledge and use it to give unparalleled value. Be free from fear and develop your leadership. Authority status does not happen overnight so be prepared to work for it.

I would love to hear your comments on how to achieve authority status and other ways of enhancing your personal brand in a career setting.

A powerful personal brand is consistent. Consistency does not mean stagnation. It does not mean lack of growth. It does not mean doing the same thing over and over. Consistency in personal branding means sending a uniform message to your target audience. It means maintaining a standard and avoiding actions that could damage your personal brand.

One of the quickest ways to damage a personal brand is through inconsistency. When people stop paying attention to their personal brand, the results can be disastrous. They slide back to old habits or do things that damage people’s perception of them. For example, a successful businessman can damage his personal brand by being charged in court for domestic violence. An elite footballer can damage his personal brand by being exposed as having a drug problem.

To maintain a consistent brand image, it is important to set giant personal branding goals. These goals can then be broken down into sub goals. Consistent achievement of those sub goals over time gives a consistent brand direction. Those baby steps add up.

Powerful personal brands take years to develop. It is not the radical changes that you make to your personal brand that count. It is the small, gradual, never ending improvements that shape people’s perception f you.

Consistency Applied

• Health - Consistency in exercise and good eating habits help maintain a healthy body and mind. Regular exercise helps develop discipline and good health. This manifests itself in other areas of life and directly impacts on personal branding efforts.

• Finances – Having a consistent investment/saving plan helps protect a person in times of hardships. Putting aside a percentage of your earnings will ensure your personal brand is protected in tough times.Financial difficulties can be damaging to a personal brand. Being consistent in the way you prudently manage finances is insurance for your personal brand.

• Networking – Consistently meeting new people and developing existing relationships has a big impact on personal branding. It helps improve recognition and trust. It takes time for people to trust new contacts. It is not enough to attend one business networking meeting, collect business cards, and call it a day.Think of contacts as an investment. Think of how you can benefit from each other over the long term. Work on solidifying your relationship over time. Follow up with your contacts regularly by providing value or friendship. Do not just approach your contacts when you need something from them. Let the power of compounding work in your favor. Be consistent in the way you approach networking.

• Mind – You need to put your thoughts on a leash. Don’t let them wander off too far from where you want them to be. You can do this through constant affirmations and consistently reminding yourself what it is that you want to achieve.If you let your thoughts wander too far from your control, you will miss the bus. The bus that leads to success. This is one area of life where you are allowed to be a dictator. Dictate your thoughts. Consistently feed your mind with empowering thoughts that will help in your self improvement efforts and personal branding.

• Relationships – The best relationships are built through consistent communication. Consistent actions such as love, honesty and generosity are rewarded through fulfilling relationships. It is not what you do once in a while that builds a fabulous relationship. It is the small consistent things done regularly that count.

• Character – This is the area of lasting success that is unfortunately ignored by many who aspire to be successful. Setting and reaching character goals will make you a better person. Character is who you are when nobody is looking. Are you a man or woman of honor? of integrity? are you honest? Are you self disciplined?Character is different from talent, it is shaped over time by the events, decisions you make and actions that you take. The strength of someone’s character refers to their inner person, whom they really at the core.When a man loses every single earthly possession all he has to fall back on is his character. The strength of character consists of virtues such as integrity, courage, fortitude, honesty, and loyalty, good behaviors or habits. Character is what determines a person’s ultimate destiny.

• Contribution – Giving value to others is the perfect way of building a personal brand. Developing a consistent habit of giving to others is like planting seeds of a powerful personal brand. Be a cheerful giver. Give something of value to people you meet. Not necessarily money but what you have in your reserves.When you give you are making a deposit in your spiritual account and you will reap your rewards with the same measure you give out. Obsess on consistently giving to others; whether it is through your time, ideas, money or gifts.

Summary

Consistency means sending out a consistent message regarding your personal brand. It means avoiding extremes and focusing on growth through taking baby steps.

It is the small steps that you take consistently in business, health, mind, relationships, finances etc that make the ultimate difference. Protect your personal brand through consistency.

I would love to hear your comments regarding the value of consistency. How has consistency helped you in your life? What areas of life do you think can improve if you were consistent? Your comments are most welcome.

Read the above paragraph again. This is my shortest blog post ever,  and the most important, atleast in the personal branding series.

1 – Insularity

Insularity is the state of being isolated or detached. It means being lost in your own little world; not paying attention to what others are doing. You are part of a dynamic world; you cannot afford to ignore what is happening in the world around you.

Learn from others who are better than you. Learn to avoid the mistakes of others too. As a blogger, I cannot afford to be insular. I have to constantly understand the environment within which I work. My readers visit other sites and blogs too. That is the reality. I have to constantly visit those blogs too to know what is out there.

2 – Inconsistency

Powerful brands are consistent. Coke tastes the same world over. McDonalds Restaurants have the same quality of service (with minor localization options) worldwide.

Avoid the temptation to flip from one extreme to another. Be consistent in the message you send to the world through your words, appearance or actions.

For this blog to become a powerful brand, I have to stay on course with my stated mission of inspiring you to be the best you can be. I cannot suddenly start writing about politics or pornography and expect to retain my audience and brand image.

3 – Ambiguity

Powerful brands are specific in what they bring to the table. The clearer you are about what your brand is about, the more powerful it will be. Be clear about the message you send to others about your personal brand. If you cannot describe your personal brand in a few words, others won’t be able to either.

4 – Ignorance

Ignorance is not a valid defense in a court of law. Neither is it a valid defense in the court of public opinion. Find all you need to find about personal branding. The more actionable information you have, the more likely you are to build a strong brand.

Be aware of your online reputation. What you post on the internet is never really deleted. It can come back to haunt you in 20 years when you are running for president. Be aware of what others are saying about you online by using web monitoring tools such as Google Alerts.

5 – Stagnation

You may read a personal development book or blog and feel really pumped up to make positive changes in your life. For a few days you may step up your game and make some changes. Then you stop. You are not alone. Many people get a spike of motivation and inspiration then stagnate. Stagnation is a personal brand killer.

In a dynamic society that we live in, you should seek to constantly improve your personal brand. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you may have heard me talk about Kaizen. Kaizen is a Japanese management philosophy that can be applied to many aspects of life. It means making small continuous improvements instead of stagnating.

6 – Self Limiting Beliefs

You can only achieve as much as you think you can. You will face external obstacles in your personal branding efforts. Do not add to the obstacles through your own self limiting beliefs.

Believe that you are capable of building a powerful personal brand. It does not matter if you are black or white, young or old. It does not matter if you have a degree or not, or whether you are charismatic or not. You can always find an angle that suits you and exploit it with good effect.

7 – Asking the Wrong Question

The kind of questions you ask yourself will determine the kind of answers you get. Ask questions such as “How can I be a more valuable member of my team?” or “How can I achieve financial freedom?”

Ask empowering questions instead of questions that create self doubt. If you keep asking yourself the same questions, you will get the same answers you have always got. If you want to get different results, step back from your situation and ask different questions.

8 – Expecting Instant Results

Many people want to be overnight millionaires. They want to have instant personal brands. It does not quite work that way. Instead, find something that you love and stick with it for the long haul.

Overnight success may take 15 years of preparation. Building a good reputation, a business, a career, a relationship takes time. Be prepared to put in the hard work for extended period of time. Many people expect instant results. Differentiate yourself by setting yourself up for the long haul. Strive to be a long distance runner not a sprinter when it comes to personal branding.

9 – Lack of Preparation

90 minutes of an elite soccer game is preceded by thousands of hours of preparation. 90 minutes of a movie is preceded by thousands of hours of footage. Be prepared to put in the hours required to build a personal brand. Prepare meticulously for the crowning moment of your personal brand.

10 – Lack of a Story

Every powerful personal brand has a back story that is repeated over and over. What is your story?

Bill Gates story says that he was a smart kid in school who reluctantly gave up college education to pursue his software empire dream. Barack Obama made sure he told his back story over and over before he ran for president. He even wrote a book called “Dreams of My Father” to tell his back story. Almost every voter knew Obama’s roots before they cast their ballots. It was not accidental; it was all part of personal branding.

11 – Impulse Branding

It may be OK to impulsively buy gum at a supermarket checkout but it is not OK to impulsively build your personal brand. Think through the kind of personal brand you want to create. Exercise due diligence; Do not blindly copy others. Chart your own path.

12 – Part-time Personal Branding

Be vigilant about protecting your personal brand even when nobody is watching. Make personal branding a full-time job. Doing the right thing only when others are watching is a surefire way to court personal branding disasters.

13 – First Impressions Disasters

You do not need a second chance to make a first impression. The kind of first impression you make can last a life time. It is almost impossible to change disastrous first impressions. Pay extra attention every time you have to make a first impression. Bad first impressions leave a permanent stain on an otherwise bright personal brand.

Summary

We have explored common mistakes that pave the road to bad personal branding. We have also looked at how to avoid those mistakes.

I would love to hear your comments on what other mistakes stand in the way of personal branding and how they can be avoided. Your comments are most welcome.

Then she smiled some more and asked me a question. I had no choice but to answer her so I opened my mouth. She dropped the DVDs in panic and horror. She thought I was from a horror movie. You see my friend; I had lost two of my front teeth at the accident, but could still pull off a smile – as long as I kept my mouth shut. I was not a pretty sight.

My mean side then took over for the next couple of weeks. I would go from shop to shop in Perth, smiling at shop assistants or other shoppers with my lips sealed. When I was sure they were hooked, I would open my mouth and smile widely. The looks on their faces were Kodak moments that will forever be etched in my memory!

The wonders of modern dentistry were able to restore my normal smile, albeit at a high cost. I enjoy smiling and I hope to inspire you to smile today. Ok go ahead now, smile!

A smile is a facial expression formed by flexing those muscles near both ends of the mouth. A smile can also be found around the eyes. It is an expression of the emotions of pleasure, happiness, or amusement.

I grew up in Kenya where there are 42 tribes each with their own language. No matter what language one speaks in Kenya, or anywhere in the world for that matter, there is a universal power in smiling. You can and should smile, in any language.

I was reminded of the power of smiling after my accident when I lost my ability to have a normal smile. Then a couple of days ago, one of my favorite blog readers, Brenda Njeru mentioned something about smiling. I smiled instantly and decided to write about the power of smiling; hence this blog post.

Brenda said “I have always wondered why people are always smiling at me when I am walking in the streets, only with time did I realize I was the one smiling:)”. How true.

Why Smile?

• Smiling creates a good impression – Companies train their staff to smile in order to make a good impression to their customers. Smiling puts the other person at ease and changes the atmosphere. If you genuinely smile at people, they will like you and treat you much better than if you have a frown or a ‘stone face’.

• Smiling changes your emotional state – Smiling makes one happy and content. The physical act of smiling even in difficult times can help improve your emotional state. It can help you light up, relax and be cheerful.

• Smiling makes you more attractive – I can only remember one period in my life that smiling did not make me more attractive (after my accident). Smiling makes people attracted to you because it projects external and internal beauty.

• A smile changes other people’s state – Smiling is contagious. As Brenda experienced, when you smile at others, it makes them smile back at you. Try smiling at a baby and the baby will warm up to you. Try and smile at your partner or colleague and they will smile back at you. Smiling improves the environment for social interaction.

• It is easier to smile than frown – You use more muscles frowning than you do smiling. It takes 43 muscles to frown but only 17 muscles to smile. Take the easy road my friend. Smile today.

• Makes you seem more successful – Smiling helps project an image of satisfaction, contentment and happiness. A confident smile can do wonders for your career or relationships. People like being associated with successful people. Smiling improves your perceived level of success and therefore attracts people to your life.

• Smile-leniency effect – I am not sure how many lawyers or criminals read this blog, but I found something that they may want to investigate further. Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Natural History says “though courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and nonsmilers guilty, they give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the ‘smile-leniency effect.’”.

The George Bush Smile

George Bush Smile

Enlightr.com has an article on smiling that talked of a “George Bush Smile”. Here is what the article author had to say:

“President George W. Bush always has a permanent smirk on his face. Ray Birdwhistell found that smiling among middle-class people is most common in Atlanta, Louisville, Memphis, Nashville and most of Texas. Bush is a Texan and they smile more than most other Americans. As a result, in Texas, an unsmiling individual might be asked if he was ‘angry about something’, while in New York, the ‘smiler’ might be asked, ‘What’s so funny?’ President Jimmy Carter was also a Southerner who smiled all the time. This worried the Northerners who feared that he knew something they didn’t.”

Be careful who you smile at!

Summary

Count your blessings if you can smile without scaring people away. Use your beautiful smile to put people at ease, to improve your emotional state and make yourself more attractive. However, be careful about who you choose to smile to!

I remember reading a book by Nelson Mandela called the Long Walk to Freedom. There was a quote that I really like. I do not feel worthy to use the great words of Mandela, but I cannot find better words to describe how I feel right now on this blog’s journey and today’s milestone.

I have walked the long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended.

The long walk to inspiring my friends on this blog has not ended. In fact it has just begun. There are so many topics and areas of life that I want to touch on. After posting 50 blogs, I have been exposed to a lot of people and ideas. After climbing a great hill, I have found many more to climb. But today I take a moment to reflect on the distance we have come, but we can only rest for a moment. The journey for success has just begun.

When I launched the blog, I stated the following as my reasons for blogging. They remain true today.

Why am I doing this?

• I am running this website as a way of giving back to the internet community that has so generously given me a living for the last 7 years.
• It is a great way to connect with people and to learn from my friends.
• To promote my other website Kasarani.com – A site dedicated to bringing Kenyans together.
• To document my successes and challenges in the hope of inspiring others.
• To make new friends, contacts and possible future business partners.

At this point in time, there are about 500 people reading this blog per day from more than 40 countries. Many have posted comments and others sent me encouraging messages, telling me that they have been inspired by the blog. That is my fuel for continuing to blog. This blog has been a great way to connect with people and learn from my friends.

The blog has also been quite useful for leading the Kenyan readers to Kasarani.com. I have “met” so many people through this blog, many of whom will remain my friends for years to come and be possible business partners. I have got the joy that I prayed for when I launched this blog. I hope you have been inspired by the blog so far.

Ideas without Action are Worthless

I suspected that blogging was powerful but had never realized how powerful it really is. For a few months, I was thinking of launching the blog, but never got around to it. It took one piece of advice from Mwangi, a fellow blogger to get me moving. He told me to focus on taking action instead of trying to fit all the pieces in the puzzle.

Many of us aspire to be a success in this or that. But we never really let our dreams move from our mind to their physical equivalent. Taking action is what has brought this blog to life. I encourage you to turn your ideas into action. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

What the Future Holds

I will continue writing blog posts for the next few months or years on a variety of topics. The topics will include health, careers, travel, relationships, finance, technology, business, education, sports, entertainment, character, emotions, sex, family, travel etc. These will be arranged in series, with each series having between 5 and 20 blog posts.

The site will be expanded to allow more interactivity and sense of community between members. This will allow us to leverage each others strengths and life experiences in order to grow and succeed in all aspects of life.

The Power of Gratitude

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who have supported this blog in every way. I really appreciate your support. We have been in this journey together. Thank you.

In particular, the people who have posted comments on this blog have helped bring a different point of view, and encouraged me to continue writing. First I would like to thank the top 20 commenters, ranked by the number of comments posted: Paula, Nyomi, Brenda Njeru, Joy, Charity, Alen, Carol, James Karuku, Tommy Adebayo, M. Mwangi, David Hamilton, John, Rachel, Irene, Sam, Ken Mwangi, James Gitau, Philip W, Sublimity, Mwangi – the Displaced African.

I would also like to recognize the following people for posting comments. The list is long so I have arranged them alphabetically; Antony Ngari, Abdullatif Manjothi, Aileen Veleci, Aisha, Akams, Allan Lucumay Amelia Mwendwa, Amo, Andrew Muasya , Andrew Njuguna, Andrson , Angeey, Ann Kibunja, Anne, Anne , Anthony, Atef , Atieno South Korea, Austine Viera, Babu, Ben Gathogo, Benn Rono, Bikundo, Boyfulani, Carol Achieng Otieno, Carolyn, Cate, Catherine, Cathy Nyawira, Cecilia Kabura, Cee, Charles, Charles Oloo, Charles Simba, Christine Magati, Colin, Dan Mahiri, Daniel ,Daniel “Jeshi-X” Ngari – Kenya , David Kamau, David M, Dennis Muchiri, Diana, Dickson Mwangangi, Doba, Edu, Elly, Emile, Emily A, Eric Muema Kiilu, Erica Kiptoo, Esther Kinene, Eston, Eva Kamiri, Evah, Faiza, Felix, Fred Michori, Gabriel Kemboi, Gabriel Olofu, Gathoni Kimuyu, George, George Mutale, Georgia Atieno, Gitau, Gladys Maina, Gorata, Grace, Grace, Hildah, Humphrey Mburu, Ibe Arua, Irene Kiptoo, Irungu, Irungu Wagura, Jackie, James Adolwa, James Muriuki, James Mwendwa Kivuva, Janet, Jazz, Jeri, Job Kungu, John, John Onyango Rare, John Tedesco, Joram, Joseph Karuga, Josephine Macharia, Josphine Njeri, Joyce, Joyce, Juliet, June, Kami Wa Nyina Wa Macua, Kanja Paul, Kaoumiuz, Karanja Kamotho, Karen, Kennedy Kamau, Kim Anointted, Kimaku, Kip, Kuria Steve, Leybowuwoya, Linda, Linda K. Mugo, Linet Kerubo, Liz, Liz, Lloyd Kikunzu, Lorna, Louise Nyaboke, Lucie, Lucy Mundia, Lucynd, Lydia, Lydia Muriithi, Macharia, Manciny Neemoh Migwi, Marcel Masaga, Martin Muchira, Marto, Max, Mayoress, Meli, Michael Murithi, Michelle M, Mike, Mike Kamanu, Milly, Miriam Ruff, Molly, Morris, Moses Waruiru, Motivational, Mumbi, Muthoka, Mutuma Timothy, Mwalimu, Mwangangi, Nancy, Narasha, Natty Dread, Nellie, Nelson, Nganga, Nick Tumbo, Nimo, Nisa, Njeri, Njeri, Nya, Nyayiemi, Onesmus Makori, Pam, Patrick Odhiambo, Paul Gitonga, Paula, Pauline Mwaniki, Peter Mburu, Peter Nduati, Phoebe, Prince Miyake, Racheal Wangari Njeru, Rachel, Rajab, Renee M, Rue , Roy, Sally, Shad rack, Shad rack, Showy, Simon, Slimjess, Sophie, Stan, Steve, Steve Nick, Steve Njau (Kybs), Sulaiman, Susannah, Thaka, Tom Kabau, Victor, Vikky, Wanja, Wilson Odhiambo, Woji Christian C, Xtine Dida, Zippy,

I would also like to appreciate all the people who have sent me messages on Facebook, friendship requests, and shared the blog posts with their friends on social networks and via email. Thank you so much.

Here are the 50 blog posts so far.

Introduction Series

1 – Welcome to DanielNgari.com

2 – What does Success mean to you?

3 – Do you have a Blueprint for Success?

4 – What do you focus on?

5 – Success: How badly do you want it?

6 – You reap what you sow.

7 – What is Kaizen?

8 – Run your life like a Corporation.

9 – Financial Freedom Manifesto

10 – The Amazing Power of Compounding

11 – Travel Light to Success

12 – The Law of Giving

13 – Write your Living Obituary

14 – Rising above Mediocrity

15 – Shun Intolerance

16 – Rekindle your Dormant Passion!

17 – Are you a Prisoner or a Hostage?

18 – Wheel of Fortune No More!

Power Series

19 – The Power of Persistence

20 – The Power of Gratitude

21 – The Power of Positive Thinking

22 – The Power of Hard Work

23 – The Power of Perspectives

24 – The Power of Commitment

25 – The Power of Visualization

26 – The Power of Action

27 – The Power of Discipline

28 – The Power of Follow Up

29 – The Power of Self Mastery

30 – Power Series Summary – A Personal Story

People Series

31 – Succeed by Building Others Up

32 – We are One but we are Many – Race & Racism

33 – How to Bring Out the Best in People

34 – Are You Addicted to Hot Juicy Gossip?

35 – Show Me Your Friends

36 – The Curse of Conformity

37 – A Magic Word Called Empathy

38 – Meet Invisible People

39 – Stuff Positive People Like

40 – A Winning Contacts Building Strategy

41 – People Series Summary – People & Success

Mind Series

42 – A Beautiful Mind – (Not the Movie)

43 – Concentration Precedes Success

44 – The Joy of a Winning Mindset

45 – The Value of Specialized Knowledge

46 – The Amazing Power of “Why”

47 – Live Courageously – Put Fear in its Place

48 – The Quickest Path to Happiness

49 – Speed Reading For Prosperity

50 – Mind Series Summary – It is all in the Mind

Summary

I am glad that you have joined me on this journey of self discovery and success lessons on this blog. We have reached a small milestone and I am happy to celebrate. But we can only linger for a moment. There are more blog posts to write, more things to learn. There are more people to reach out to.

I would love to hear your comments on how the blog has impacted you and what kind of articles you would love to be reading on the blog. In the next few days, I will be upgrading the website to allow for more interactivity. The focus now is not just me inspiring my friends, it is now about friends inspiring each other.

This is the last blog post on the people series. In this series, we have looked at a few issues that may affect your success or relationships with other people. Today’s blog post is listing of all the blog posts in this series and a brief summary of each.

1. Succeed by Building Others Up

Succeeding by building others up is akin to planting good seeds. You reap what you sow. If you do a good job for others it will come back to you. If you focus on providing exceptional value to others, you will build them up and eventually it will get back to you.

2. How to Bring Out the Best in People

You can bring out the best in people by making them feel good about themselves. People will often forget what you say to them, but few forget how you make them feel. You can make people feel better by being genuinely interested in them, expecting the best from them and accepting them for whom they are.

Most people do not take criticism very well. It is better to avoid criticizing people and instead provide them with a soft landing even when they make mistakes. People are different; listening to them helps gain an understanding that can help you bring out the best in them.

3. A Magic Word Called Empathy

Empathy means sharing in another person’s feelings and emotions. It means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Having an emotional barometer means being in tune with the changes in moods, feelings and circumstances of others. Without understanding each others’ emotional states, it is hard to communicate and move along in harmony.

4. Show Me Your Friends

Show me your friends and I will tell you what kind of person you are. The company you keep reflects on you. Birds of a feather flock together. People assume you are just like the people you hang out with. Have you ever done an audit of the kind of people you allow into your space?

Your friends will have a very important impact on your thought pattern, ambition and rate of progress. Associate with people who are positive and get rid of people who pull you down.

5. Are You Addicted to Hot Juicy Gossip?

Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.  Many people love gossip.

The problem with surrounding yourself with “gossip friends” is that they rarely talk positive things about anything or anyone. They are always looking to tear others instead of building them up. Their main focus on life is negative thoughts, words and situations. They delight in misfortune and peddle the spirit of fear.

Gossip permeates through different aspects of life. People are fascinated by gossip, both men and women. People love gossip, be it celebrity gossip, social or office gossip. Gossip serves as a form of entertainment and is very enticing.

You should however ask yourself what kind of impact gossip has and control how much of it you let into your life. Avoid gossip if it seriously impacts on your success.

6. The Curse of Conformity

Many people do not realize that by trying to conform to social conditioning, we may be unknowingly limiting our success.

People who are just like everyone else end up becoming invisible. Something remarkable is worth talking about, worth paying attention to.

You become remarkable by daring to be different. You become remarkable by stepping up your game. If you do things the same as everyone else, you will get the same results. I encourage you to find your angle. Bring something different to the table. Do not conform to what everyone else does, especially in business and careers. Be remarkable. Dare to be different. Be the best you can be.

7. We are One but we are Many – Race & Racism

Racism is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and those racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. We are all part of the human family and we should focus more on what brings us together instead of what divides us. We are one but we are many.

Ignorance is the cause of racism. Do something today to shun intolerance by learning something positive about people from a different race or part of the world or country. It is the small steps towards accepting diversity that will help us rise above mediocrity and usher in an era of social justice and success.

8. Meet Invisible People

It is easy to ignore people who are different or who rank lower than us in our professions. The meet invisible people blog post looked at scenarios and example of how people ignore others in life. It is good to acknowledge or appreciate those “invisible” people around us.

9. Stuff Positive People Like

A lot has been written about stuff white people like and stuff black people like. Many of the people reading this blog are positive people so I thought of creating a list of stuff positive people like. It is good to have a laugh at ourselves every now and again.

10. A Winning Contacts Building Strategy

You will need other people in order to reach the apex of your success. Call it standing on the shoulders of giants or what you may. Contacts building strategies are vital for the upwardly mobile. A winning contacts building strategy focuses on quality & sustainability not just numbers for the sake of numbers.

Focus on building contacts that you can get something from, as well as offer them something. Think not what your contacts can do for you, but what you can do for your contacts.

Next Series

That marks the end of the people series. We looked at some human relations issues that have the potential of influencing our success.

The next series will focus on the mind. We shall look at how we can sharpen our minds, and use our minds as tools for our success. The new series will look at issues like concentration, thoughts, mind maps, sparkling creativity, power of imagination and much more. I look forward to your visits and hope that I will be able to inspire you to be the best you can be by utilizing the immense power of your mind for success.

Win Win Strategy

Focus on building contacts that you can get something from, as well as offer them something. Think not what your contacts can do for you, but what you can do for your contacts.

Personal Branding

Let your reputation precede you. If people hear about you before hand from a trusted friend or associate, they are more likely to be receptive to you and your ideas. Think of how you want to be perceived by potential contacts and stick with that image in your communication, grooming, speech and mannerisms.

Investment Mindset

Think of contacts as an investment. Think of how you can benefit from each other over the long term. Work on solidifying your relationship over time. Follow up with your contacts regularly providing value or friendship. Do not just approach your contacts when you need something from them. Let the power of compounding work in your favor.

Common Ground

Find a common ground with your contacts. Find something that you and they like besides what you want from them. You may find common ground in social groups, mutual friends, sports, current events, shared values, shared heritage etc. This may give you an edge at a most unexpected point in life.

Appreciation

People love to be recognized and appreciated. If one of your contacts does something significant or worth talking about, say thank you. Follow up with a note or a phone call. Recognize them publicly for their efforts if appropriate.

Do not be Desperate.

A wise old lady once told me that desperation is a foul smelling cologne. If people perceive you as too quick to grab their name or business card for selfish reasons they will shun you. Position yourself as someone worth knowing.

Patience

It may take a long time for your contacts building strategy to materialize. Do not give up. Everything comes to those who wait. If you are good at what you do, word of mouth will eventually pay off. Be patient and your contacts building strategy will pay healthy dividends.

Learn to Set Boundaries

Not everyone needs to be in your address book. Do not just take people’s business cards because they have been printed. Cherry pick the right sort of contacts for you. Without boundaries you would waste time that could be better spent enhancing the quality of your existing contacts.

All the best in your contacts building strategies.

2. Positive Books – Positive people like telling everyone who can listen to go read a book by so and so. Ohh that book changed my life. Ohh that book will transform you. Positive people will spend a lot of money on positive books. Anything called self development, self improvement, personal development, winning, overcoming is a regarded as a good buy. Positive people will always share with other positive people about the message in those positive books. They will know the names of positive writers such as Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, and Norman Vincent Peale. Positive people will name each author and the titles they wrote. Publishing houses love positive people.

3. Motivational Speakers – Positive people like listening to motivational speakers. They can quote for you and give you stories about the top motivational speakers like Tony Robbins.

4. Positive Blogs and Websites -Positive people just love pointing their RSS readers to positive blogs. They love visiting positive blogs like this one for their daily dose of inspiration. Positive people know a few positive websites that they check on every now and then. Website developers optimize their websites with keywords to make it easy for positive people to find them. Words like motivation, self improvement and success are given prominence by the positively web savvy webmasters.

5. Other Positive People -Positive people just love positive people. They will congregate where there is a smell of positivity. If they hear, see or read something positive, they cannot help it but share it with a fellow positive person. They really love other positive people and keep away from people they consider negative.

6. Heroes -Positive people always seem to want a hero. This may be a person distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength; it may be a person who has done really well in life. They seek out such people to be friends with them in the hope that a little of that magic will rub off them. Positive people are like stalkers, they will do incredible research, spit out stats about their heroes. These heroes do not even need to be alive.

7. Seminars – As soon as positive people can afford it, they make sure they attend a Mecca of positivity. They look out for the best conferences, seminars and retreat to learn to be even more positive. They spend a fortune going to these seminars and proclaim to all that can listen that the seminar changed their life. Of course the seminar organizers love positive people. They listen to them and learn how to make a more positive seminar next time. The seminar organizers are on a first name basis with their local bank managers courtesy of the positive people.

8. Tapes, CDs & Podcasts -After attending seminars or church services, positive people buy tapes, CDs or Podcasts for their iphones so that they can listen on the go. Positive people put tapes and CDs in their car to listen to every positive message they can get. Positive people listen to their iPod  full of positive messages, preaching or motivational talks.

9. Dreams -Positive people like dreaming. They always dream of a better tomorrow even when today looks impossible. They are good at visualizing how life can be if only they can stay positive. People who know positive people well try to get them to keep their dreams alive. That is why positive people like hanging out with other positive people. Positive people let other positive people dream and even cheer them on.

10. Self Hypnosis – Positive people love self hypnosis. Self hypnosis is the ability to influence positive self-improvement through the inner processes of focused awareness. Positive people sit there and just let go, they get into their own world, controlling their thoughts, and infecting themselves with the idea that they want. They love getting into the zone. It feels good for positive people to regularly self hypnotize.

11. Positive Affirmations -Positive people like having a collection of positive affirmations. They tell themselves those words over and over hoping it will change their lives. It is not uncommon to find a positive person exercising while muttering “you can do it if you put your mind into it”. Positive people sincerely believe that positive affirmations will change their lives.

12. Life Coach -Positive people love the idea of a life coach. They flirt with the idea of someone wise coming to tell them what to do. Do this do not do this. They like that idea and think that it would transform their lives.

13. Personal Stories – Positive people like sharing personal stories. They love hearing the positive stories of others. They will gossip without realizing it. They will share deep secrets as a way of bonding. Positive people are always very curious to hear a personal side to the lessons. Self improvement teachers weave personal stories into their message for the positive people to really connect with the message.

14. Positive Advertisements -Positive people love positive advertisements. They will watch a full 30 minutes infomercial featuring Tony Robbins and pick up the phone to call the number on the screen. Positive people react to certain words and mode of delivery of words. Positive marketers are masters at using words, stories and pictures that trigger positive people to be receptive to their advertising.

15. Interviews -Positive people love watching interviews of positive people and people who have overcome adversity. They really connect with such interviews and the TV network executives get very happy with the TV ratings. Positive interviewers know what kind of questions to ask in order to make the interviewee answer in a way that positive people love.

16. Gadgets -Positive people love gadgets. Gadgets that help them be more positive like iPods are preferred. Positive people also seek out gadgets to help them in personal productivity boosts like calendaring systems and organizers.

17. Positive Cards -Positive people know how to spot a positive card for every occasion. They will look for a positive card to send to a sick person telling them to get well soon. They will find the most positively loving card to send to their loved ones. Positive card makers love positive people.

18. Positive Music -People’s tastes in music are different, but when it comes to positive music, positive people are almost always ready to jump beyond their comfort zone. Positive people are inspired by positive music and can listen to that music for hours on end. Of course radio stations and record label companies love positive people.

19. Positive Videos/TV -Positive people like having their own TV stations. These stations may be inspirational or religious. Positive people love watching positive videos. They may be amateur videos or professional training videos. Given the opportunity, positive people will spend hours on YouTube watching positive videos and music videos.

20. Mentor -Positive people always want to have a mentor. They always seek out for someone who can encourage them in their success journey. Positive people hope to succeed and become a mentor to someone in the future.

Summary

Do not take yourself too seriously. And being positive is not such a bad thing. If you know a couple of positive people, please share this blog post with them. They may be able to see a thing or two about themselves in a new light.

I would love to hear your ideas about more stuff that positive people like, incase I missed any (am sure I did).

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the ability to share in another person’s emotional state. It means putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. Empathy does not mean changing your emotional state to be a duplicate of another person’s emotional state. It does not mean pitying or being compassionate. It means trying to understand where they are coming from.

Why Empathy Matters

Empathy helps you connect with people deeply. Empathy helps avoid conflict and increase mutual respect. Empathy helps you succeed with people.

If you understand how a person is feeling, you are better able to adjust your words or behavior to avoid confrontation or upsetting that person. Without empathy, a parent would not instinctively cover their baby when the temperature drops to a lower level than the baby is able to handle. Without empathy, you would be cracking dirty jokes to people who have just received sad news. Without empathy, you would be on Facebook chatting while your employer scratches his head wondering who he is going to fire.

Emotional Barometer

One thing that I have learned to add to my success arsenal is an emotional barometer. I am still developing this aspect of my life and for good reason.

You need to have a way of tracking the emotional states of those around you. Your success is determined by what goes on in your mind, as well as the people around you. You may have everything going for you but if you are not in tune with other people’s emotions, you may not achieve some goals.

You need to know when people are happy, confident, afraid, disappointed, excited, sad, jealous or negative. Many people I have met have emotional roller coasters though some try to hide it. You need to become adept at telling how a person is really feeling at any moment in time.

People are different and even one person’s emotional state may change with the flick of a switch. If you do not have a good barometer, you may find yourself saying the wrong thing. You may be caught up in the inertia of the previous emotion. A statement that could have been funny a minute ago could cost you a friendship depending on the person’s new emotional state.

Empathy Baby Steps

Emotion is said to be the first language that children learn. Children will attempt to comfort a fellow crying baby showing that they are born empathetic. You were born to have empathy and you can hone it as a skill for success using the power of baby steps.

The more time you spend with someone, the more it is likely that you will understand their emotional state. If understanding someone’s emotional state does not come naturally for you, do not despair. You can practice the skill over time. All you need is to be aware you are developing a new skill. Then start practicing reading people’s emotions and adjusting your words and behavior to suit the situation. Within no time you will become a master of empathy.

Empathy in Practice

You can apply empathy in relationships, friendships, business, and careers and even in blogging. I have to put myself in your shoes to be able to communicate my ideas clearly and inspire you to be the best you can be. It is not always easy but I hope to become better at it with time.

In your human relationships, work on developing a good emotional barometer of the person or people around you. Without understanding each others’ emotional states, it is hard to communicate and move along in harmony.

In business, you need to be empathetic to the emotional states of your customers. Why do customers buy Harley Davidson motorcycles? It is for the sense of belonging to the club. Understand the motivation behind your customers and stakeholders. Understand your customers’ emotional states in various situations, seasons or state of the economy.

Think of ways you can be more in tune with the emotional state of someone today. Go ahead and work on your emotional barometer.

I did not choose to be born on a small farm in the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya. Abdul Mohamed did not choose to be born on the mountains of Afghanistan. Andy Maxwell did not choose to be born in New Jersey, USA. We did not choose to be born in one place or into a particular way of life.

The way of life we are born into determines to a large extent our outlook, beliefs, religion etc. This is because people feel the need to conform to what they were born into. That is ok when you are young. But as we grow older and have dreams of our own, it is a good idea to reconsider what to conform to.

What is Conformity?

According to Wikipedia, Conformity is the process by which an individual’s attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors are influenced by other people. This influence occurs in both small groups and society as a whole, and it may be the result of subtle unconscious influences, or direct and overt social pressure.

The Genesis of Conformity

Conformity begins at birth and continues through out life. Every time a person joins a group, they first learn what the group is about and try to conform to its way of life. These groups may be religious, professional, social, family or interest based groups.  You can choose what you want to conform to or not to conform to by the kind of groups you join. If you do not want to conform to an idlers group ideals, then avoid that group like a plague. Avoid groups that conflict with your value system and goals in life.

Peer Pressure Devil

People generally want to be accepted in the groups they join or the society within which they belong. People who do not conform to the ideas behind the group are ostracized, bullied or made fun of. To avoid this, many people will shelve their thinking caps and moral standards to be able to conform to the groups. It starts at an early age in school. Popular kids who are part of the “in group” may tease the less popular kids making them feel pressured to do things they would not normally do.

Peer pressure extends through out life. People feel like they need to prove themselves to others or look the part. Many people get in debt because of social pressure to keep up with the Joneses and the Kardashians of this world.

Peer pressure can cause relationship trouble when people get to relationships for social pressure reasons instead of love. Relationships can crack if the partners succumb to social pressure, allowing outsider influence on how they treat each other.

Peer pressure also affects people’s morals, standard of living, ambition, tastes and much more. You can avoid peer pressure by choosing who you allow to your life, and developing strength of character and setting/sticking with your boundaries. It is not easy but can be done with a disciplined and persistent approach.

The Purple Cow

I recently read Seth Godin’s new book, Purple Cow. The book talks about transforming your business by being remarkable. In today’s competitive world, you cannot afford to be ordinary. Ordinary is the new invisible. You’re either a Purple Cow or you’re not. You’re either remarkable or invisible. Make your choice.

Here is what Seth Godin wrote:

“While driving through France a few years ago, my family and I were enchanted by the hundreds of storybook cows grazing in lovely pastures right next to the road. For dozens of kilometers, we all gazed out the window, marveling at the beauty. Then, within a few minutes, we started ignoring the cows. The new cows were just like the old cows, and what was once amazing was now common. Worse than common: It was boring.

Cows, after you’ve seen them for a while, are boring. They may be well-bred cows, Six Sigma cows, cows lit by a beautiful light, but they are still boring. A Purple Cow, though: Now, that would really stand out. The essence of the Purple Cow — the reason it would shine among a crowd of perfectly competent, even undeniably excellent cows — is that it would be remarkable. Something remarkable is worth talking about, worth paying attention to. Boring stuff quickly becomes invisible.”

Become Remarkable

You become remarkable by daring to be different. You become remarkable by stepping up your game. If you do things the same as everyone else, you will get the same results. I encourage you to find your angle. Bring something different to the table. Do not conform to what everyone else does, especially in business and careers. Be remarkable. Be different. Be the best you can be.

Guilty By Association

If you hang out with thieves, do not be surprised if people start keeping a closer eye on their valuables when you are in the vicinity. If you hang out with thieves, do not be surprised if police knock on your door one day as “part of the investigation”.

You are judged by the company you keep. In the court of public opinion, you may be accused, tried and even condemned just by the kind of company you keep. Be conscious about the friends you have. Their moral aptitude is assumed to be similar to yours.

President Barack Obama found himself on a tight corner based on the company he had kept. He had to distance himself from a number of people to avoid being judged and condemned by association. He had to let go of his former church pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright, and spent considerable resources clarifying his association with (and distancing himself from) Louis Farrakhan and Bill Ayers.

Just Let Go

If you are serious about your success, you may have to let go of some people from your life. Get rid of negative people from your life. Let them go. They will drag you down. Get rid of people who push you down. Do not spend time and energy trying to gain acceptance. You are good as you are. You do not need anyone’s permission to succeed. Be ruthless and get rid of people who waste your time and take your focus away from your goals. You will be happier in the long run if you do that.

Common Interests

The kind of activities you do will determine who ends up on your address book. If you are always at the pub, you will have more drinking buddies than industry friends. If you spend a lot of time in bible study groups you will have more religious types as friends.

Determine what kinds of activities are closely knit with your mission in life. Pursue those and you will get friends based on your common interests. If you want to run your own business and you spend most of your time at a “jobless corner’, or with people who work for “the man”, you will start thinking like them and your dream will remain just a dream. Go out there and meet people who share your vision and interests.

Comfort Zone Friends

When I first came to Australia in 1998, I made quite a few Kenyan friends here because we viewed life from a similar perspective. We spoke the same languages (English, Swahili and Sheng). It was comfortable having Kenyans as friends in a foreign country. But they are comfort zone friends. I do not have to put much effort or do anything extra to be friends with them. That feels good. Unfortunately, that comfort zone can limit the potential for success.

To succeed in business and life in general, I have had to reach out to other people, from diverse backgrounds. There are only about 3000 Kenyans in Perth, Western Australia, a city of 1,554,769 people. For that reason, I have had to make friends from beyond my comfort zone to be able to succeed.

Do you only hang out with only people you are comfortable with? Give yourself a challenge, try and make one new friend from beyond your comfort zone every week. Did you know that you could have a different outlook in life if you expanded your friendship circles?

Friendship Circles

I admire people who have a lot of friends. However, I personally only have friends that I can count with my fingers in one hand. These are people who are in my close friendship network and I will walk or run for miles for them. I will do a lot for them and they would do the same for me.

Beyond the close friends, I have friends that I group in “circles”. I have church friends, work friends, former schoolmates, internet friends and family friends. I find it really important to clarify what kind of person a certain friend is.  I have hundreds of acquaintances because of my social nature, but I always make sure I understand what “circle” each person is in, in my life. Each circle of friends has a certain influence in my life. You will find that to be true in your own life. Be careful about who you let into your friendship circles.

Success and Friends

Your friends will have a very important impact on your thought pattern, ambition and rate of progress. Associate with people who are positive and get rid of people who pull you down.

In your quest for success, you may from time to time have to make difficult decisions to stop associating with former friends. Do not hang out with people just to avoid them gossiping about you, talking behind your back, calling you a “snob”. Understand that to soar like an eagle you have to avoid the company of chicken.

Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.  Many people love gossip. I was brought up to believe that men do not gossip. That was until I hit the pub and really listened to people. After all the usual talk about economy, politics, business, sports etc, people just cannot help it but just gossip. There are different types of gossipers in my book; gossip peddlers and gossip consumers. But they are all addicted to the juice.

Gossip Friends

Do you have a friend who always seems to be in the know? Someone who always knows what others are doing, where, when, and with whom? It is good to have such a person around to keep you in the loop. But do you really need to be in the loop? Do you really need to know what is happening in the private lives of others? Gossip can be useful in some occasions, but I find that too much of it can lower potential for success.

The problem with surrounding yourself with “gossip friends” is that they rarely talk positive things about anything or anyone. They are always looking to tear others instead of building them up. Their main focus on life is negative thoughts, words and situations. They delight in misfortune and peddle the spirit of fear.

Gossip friends prevent us from reaching our true potential. Sometimes it may be obvious, but in most cases it is very subtle and it happens over a long period. If you continuously surround yourself with people who speak ill of others, and haters of progress, you will curtail your desire for success in order to conform and not be the victim of the gossip.

Types of Gossip

There are different types of gossip or shall we call them levels of gossip. Let us examine four of them.

1) Celebrity Gossip

People spend an incredible amount of time keeping up with celebrities. They want to be the first to know who will be attending the Grammy Awards or the Oscars. They want to know which celebrity is having an affair and with whom.

Major media outlets promote celebrity gossip to increase their readership. When people get addicted to celebrity gossip they just do not seem to want to stop. You will find magazines dissecting the happenings in Hollywood in excruciating details. I bet there are people who know more about Hollywood than their local area. The paparazzi are always on hand to get the latest photo scoop of the faltering celebrities. They hound actors, singers and anyone who fits the celebrity bill.

2) Workplace Gossip

Some may call it office politics. There is always a person in the office who is the “daily news agency“. This is the person who knows what everyone is doing, “thinking” or planning. Be careful with these kind of people, they may be talking about you behind your back just as easily as they talk about others to you.

3) Social Circle Gossip

People in the same social circle cannot help talking about each other. It starts at an early age where popular kids in school talk about the less popular kids. It may lead to peer pressure and character modification that may not be apparent for years. Social circle gossip can be gossip about people in a football team, people from the same church, mothers union, drinking buddies, at the local hair salon etc.

4) Family Gossip

Family members sometimes do not know they are gossiping. It may be a parent speaking to her son about the other children, thinking that they are talking about family matters while in reality these family matters may just be gossip. People who do not conform to the family line of thought or family way of life are most likely the victims of the gossip. Be careful about what you talk to your family members about the other family members. Family gossip is notorious for family breakups and bad blood between members of a family. It is best to discuss things in the open where appropriate instead of talking behind each others backs even when “trying to help”.

Functions of Gossip

If gossip did not serve a purpose then humanity would have thrown it to the dust bin perhaps.

1) Entertainment

Gossip is a form of entertainment “from the smallest village where my father was born, to the biggest cities in the world”. It is fun to lean about what is going on in other people’s lives. I have recently seen magazine headlines screaming “Inside the Obama Marriage”. That is just pure gossip, but entertaining nevertheless.

2) Killing Time

Gossip keeps people engrossed for hours on end. I find in Australia some people are able to talk for hours, mainly because the calls are untimed but also because the gossip just wont end. If you ever find yourself bored, find your favorite gossip peddler and the time will seem to fly.

3) Making Connections

Gossip can be a great way of making a connection with people. If you share some gossip with me, I will share some with you. Scratch my back and I will scratch yours. That seems to be the modus operandi for many relationships. I bet there are people who call each other friends and the only thing they have in common is gossip. In my opinion, you should seek to make connections with people on shared interests that go beyond gossip for you to build a good foundation for a relationship, friendship or partnership. Having said that, gossip is a practical way of people to get to know each other and eventually explore each other beyond the narrow confines of gossip.

4) Information Gathering/ Dissemination

Gossip has been used for generations as a way of gathering and dissemination of information. In Kenya where I come from gossip is a standard way of neigbors to know what is going on in their local community. Gossip is also used by shrewed politicians to advance their agenda. Starting a rumor could be used for character assasination or to advance certain objectives. Being in the gossip loop gives people an overview of what is going on in the lives of people close to them.

5) Social Accountability

Without gossip, many people would be doing things without regard knowing that it would never come to bite them. Knowing that somebody will “talk” makes people behave. Gossip, especially on the internet, helps consumer find out who is telling the truth and who is taking advantage of others. The fear of gossip helps keep people on the straight and narrow.

The Allure of Gossip

Gossip is very enticing. It is so easy to talk about other people instead of focusing on what ails us. It is easier to see the speck in someones eye than to see a log in our own. Gossiping about others helps in momentarily assuming we are perfect, creating a good feeling within. A feeling of superiority and moral supremacy. Gossip helps belittle others in the mistaken belief that doing so exalts us.

Gossip especially when shared with a friend seems to cement a friendship. Unfortunately, relationships and friendships based on nothing more than gossip do not go on for too long. They wither with each gossip gone wrong.

Gossip Channels

• TV - Television helps helps in the dissemination of gossip at monumental scales. All that is required is one television station to pick up a story. Within no time, other stations play catch up and start talking about the same gossip. There are stations that unashamedly make a living out of gossip. Entertainment Tonight is a good example of well loved television stations that propagate gossip worldwide.

• Radio – Talk back radio hosts and many radio anchors are spectacular gossiping machines. They will at times start a rumor and preach as if it were the gospel truth, and encourage listeners to call in with their views, further enhancing the juicy gossip.

• Internet – Online discussion forums and social networks such as Facebook and Myspace are fast becoming heavyweights in gossip. Wherever two or three people are gathered online without a specific mandate, there is bound to be some gossip. I could be wrong.

• SMS – It is so easy sending a text message enticing someone to be a gossip consumer. For example a message such as “Guess who I just saw with Alex?” could be the start of a series of text messages gossiping about a couple of friends.

• Magazines – Every time I am at the gas station or supermarket checkout, I always browse the magazines and I tell you some of those headlines really grab me. As an advertiser, I know the power of headlines and I tell you some of the gossip magazines are top notch in terms of attention grabbing techniques.

• Blogs – There are many blogs dedicated to nothing more than gossip. Amongst the most popular is PerezHilton.com . This is a blog by celebrity blogger Mario Armando Lavandeira.  He writes under the pseudonym Perez Hilton. On his website, Lavandeira posts gossip items about musicians, actors and celebrities. He often posts tabloid photographs over which he has added his own captions or “doodles.”

Gossip & Success

We have delved into great detail about gossip on today’s blog. But what has gossip really got to do with your success? You are the person most qualified to answer that question. All I can do is guide you by asking you five questions regarding gossip and success.

1) Where is Your Focus?

What you focus on determines your actions. Your actions determine your success. When you are busy talking about others or reading about celebrities, who have done this or that, are you aware that you may be losing focus from your mission in life or tasks at hand?

2) What is your Perspective?

Gossip generally involves looking at things from a “superior” perspective. If you keep gossiping about someone, you are telling yourself that you are better than that person perhaps. What if you tried putting yourself in the shoes of others? Would that make you gossip more or less?

When people gossip, they tend to look at issues from a negative perspective. The more you spend time on the negative end of life, the less success you get. Are you doing yourself justice by constantly focusing on the shortcomings, failings and mistakes of others?

3) How about time?

Is gossip the best use of your time? What if you used half of your current gossip time to more meaningful pursuits in life? What if you spent less time gossiping and working towards your goals? What impact would that have on your success?

4) Gossip a Priority?

What are your priorities in life? Does gossip and gossip friends tend to magnify small issues and make mountains out of them? Does gossip currently interfere with your priorities? Should you really be giving that much time and attention to gossip and gossip peddlers?

5) Can you be Conscious Gossip?

Gossip is not always bad. But could you at least try to put it on a leash. Could you control the amount of gossip that occupies your life? Could you control the kind of people you let into your life to peddle lies, untruths and negative comments about others? What effect would that have on your success? If you love gossip, could you just admit to yourself that you love gossip… could you celebrate the fact that a little gossip wont hurt you? Could you become more balanced in life instead of just tagging along? Could you take more control in regards to your actions, thoughts, words and destiny?

Summary

Gossip permeates through different aspects of life. People are fascinated by gossip, both men and women. People love gossip, be it celebrity gossip, social or office gossip. Gossip serves as a form of entertainment and is very enticing.

You should however ask yourself what kind of impact gossip has and control how much of it you let into your life. Avoid gossip if it seriously impacts on your success.

Gossip Assignment

Go gossip about DanielNgari.com with a friend! Please share this post with your gossip buddies. hehe