Polygamous Goals Setting

Many people rushed to remove the speck in South African president, Jacob Zuma’s eye (regarding his polygamy), before removing the logs in their own eyes. Why? Introspection is harder than analyzing other people’s affairs.

As we move along with the Goals Series of articles, I want to zoom in on the question of monogamy vs. polygamy of goals. (Valentine’s love is still in the air).

What are the perils of marring many goals? Why does the grass seem greener on the other side of your goal? Is it that hard to be faithful to your major goal in life? How sweet is that forbidden fruit called distractions? Why do we keep falling in and out of love with our goals?

Many people spread themselves too thin. They never stay fixated on something long enough to see it blossom. It is easier to be turned on by the next shiny goal than to pursue a boring goal to its logical conclusion.

Flirting with a new goal is irresistibly exhilarating. It takes us to new highs, gives us goose bumps and makes our minds spin. It is easy to stay up at night thinking of a new goal. It is easy to be passionately infatuated with fresh goals. New goals open the world of possibilities and do wonders for the heart.

Then something happens. The reality of our relationship with that goal sinks in. The excitement is replaced by mundane activities. The honeymoon comes to a crashing halt.

At first there is the desire to rekindle the passion, but that is quickly replaced by the temptation to try something new. Why not seek out yet another goal on the side? Why not juggle a couple of goals incase one does not work out? Subconsciously, we ask, “What is wrong with polygamy?”

Lack of focus is a major cause of infertility of goals. Jumping from one bed of ideas to another is bad karma. It may seem fun and safe at first but it causes nothing but pain and under-performance in the long run.

Enhancing Your Relationship with Goals

If you have been in and out of relationships you know that there is a cost of switching. You either end up hurting yourself, your partner or wasting time… or all of the above. It is the same with goals. Switching from one goal to another comes at a price. It gets expensive as far as time is concerned. It hurts your output and your confidence. Flipping from one goal to another turns out to be a recipe for mediocrity.

Polygamy of goals would work best if you had more than 24 hours a day. It is better to have one sweet goal and give it all the loving that it needs. Spend time with your lovely goal. Dedicate yourself to your goal. Commit to your goal and stick around to see it bear fruits.

Relationships take time and work. Do not starve your goals of attention, time and sheer hard work. Continuously enhance your performance and drive deeper into your goals. Many people never get close to their potential because they swim on the shallow end. They are afraid of the deep end of their desires.

Learn to show love to your goals. One of the best ways of showing love is to learn to listen. Learn all you can about your goal and get real intimate with the details. Go out of your way to make the baby steps of achievements. It is the small things that count. Little by little you will get to do big things.

Sometimes you may feel uninspired to love your goals. In moments like those, seek the advice of goals counselors. Zig Ziglar once said “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily!” Look for ways to stay attracted to your goals daily. Retrace your steps to that which attracted you in the first place. You may need a coach, an inspiring blogger or a good friend to remind you daily that your love for your goal is not in vain. Do what you need to do to stay in love with your goal.

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Someone once said, “Given a long enough timeline, we shall all be dead”. Life is so temporary. We are on earth for a season, yet for a reason. Why are you here? Have you found your mission yet? Have you found your calling yet? What would your legacy be if you took your last breath tonight?

I always fantasized about dying young when I was younger. I listened to Tupac and Biggie Smalls as they sang about their impending deaths. But death no longer excites me. I don’t get the same kick nowadays when I write my own obituary. Unfortunately, my death is just around the corner.

Knowing that I am only mortal helps me focus on the important things in life. I know I can be re-called to my maker anytime now so I have to make every moment count. Am I freaking you out?

Imagine the shock that Nelson Mandela must have had in 2001 when CNN pre-maturely (wrongly) published his pre-written obituary. CNN pulled down the webpage in 20 minutes but the damage had already been done.

Nelson Mandela was neither the first nor the last person to be pre-maturely declared dead. When Mark Twain was wrongly reported to be dead, this is what he famously said: “The report of my death has been grossly exaggerated”.

I know this a gloomy way to start the year, but stay with me.

When setting your 2010 resolutions (if you have not already done so), please keep in mind that you are only here for a season. Align your resolutions with your true mission in life.

If you found out that you were terminally ill, would you spend more time at the pub? Would you spend more time with your family? Would you travel the world? Would you try to make more money? What would you really do?

Find out what really matters and only do that. Your time is limited.

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The emotion of sex contains the secret of creative ability.

CHAPTER 11 ( Think and Grow Rich Book – Napoleon Hill)

THE MYSTERY OF SEX TRANSMUTATION

The Tenth Step toward Riches

WHY MEN SELDOM SUCCEED BEFORE FORTY

I discovered, from the analysis of over 25,000 people, that men who succeed in an outstanding way, seldom do so before the age of forty, and more often they do not strike their real pace until they are well beyond the age of fifty. This fact was so

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astounding that it prompted me to go into the study of its cause most carefully, carrying the investigation over a period of more than twelve years.

This study disclosed the fact that the major reason why the majority of men who succeed do not begin to do so before the age of forty to fifty, is their tendency to DISSIPATE their energies through over indulgence in physical expression of the emotion of sex. The majority of men never learn that the urge of sex has other possibilities, which far transcend in importance, that of mere physical expression. The majority of those who make this discovery, do so after having wasted many years at a period when the sex energy is at its height, prior to the age of forty-five to fifty. This usually is followed by noteworthy achievement.

The lives of many men up to, and sometimes well past the age of forty, reflect a continued dissipation of energies, which could have been more profitably turned into better channels. Their finer and more powerful emotions are sown wildly to the four winds. Out of this habit of the male, grew the term, “sowing his wild oats.”

The desire for sexual expression is by far the strongest and most impelling of all the human emotions, and for this very reason this desire, when harnessed and transmuted into action, other than that of physical expression, may raise one to the status of a genius.

One of America’s most able business men frankly admitted that his attractive secretary was responsible for most of the plans he created. He admitted that her presence lifted him to heights of creative

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imagination, such as he could experience under no other stimulus.

One of the most successful men in America owes most of his success to the influence of a very charming young woman, who has served as his source of inspiration for more than twelve years. Everyone knows the man to whom this reference is made, but not everyone knows the REAL SOURCE of his achievements.

History is not lacking in examples of men who attained to the status of genii, as the result of the use of artificial mind stimulants in the form of alcohol and narcotics. Edgar Allen Poe wrote the “Raven” while under the influence of liquor, “dreaming dreams that mortal never dared to dream before.” James Whitcomb Riley did his best writing while under the influence of alcohol. Perhaps it was thus he saw “the ordered intermingling of the real and the dream, the mill above the river, and the mist above the stream.” Robert Burns wrote best when intoxicated, “For Auld Lang Syne, my dear, we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for Auld Lang Syne.”

But let it be remembered that many such men have destroyed themselves in the end. Nature has prepared her own potions with which men may safely stimulate their minds so they vibrate on a plane that enables them to tune in to fine and rare thoughts which come from–no man knows where! No satisfactory substitute for Nature’s stimulants has ever been found.

It is a fact well known to psychologists that there is a very close relationship between sex desires and

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spiritual urges–a fact which accounts for the peculiar behavior of people who participate in the orgies known as religious “revivals,” common among the primitive types.

The world is ruled, and the destiny of civilization is established, by the human emotions. People are influenced in their actions, not by reason so much as by “feelings.” The creative faculty of the mind is set into action entirely by emotions, and not by cold reason. The most powerful of all human emotions is that of sex. There are other mind stimulants, some of which have been listed, but no one of them, nor all of them combined, can equal the driving power of sex.

A mind stimulant is any influence which will either temporarily, or permanently, increase the vibrations of thought. The ten major stimulants, described, are those most commonly resorted to. Through these sources one may commune with Infinite Intelligence, or enter, at will, the storehouse of the subconscious mind, either one’s own, or that of another person, a procedure which is all there is of genius.

A teacher, who has trained and directed the efforts of more than 30,000 sales people, made the astounding discovery that highly sexed men are the most efficient salesmen. The explanation is, that the factor of personality known as “personal magnetism” is nothing more nor less than sex energy. Highly sexed people always have a plentiful supply of magnetism. Through cultivation and understanding, this vital force may be drawn upon and used to great advantage in the relationships between

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people. This energy may be communicated to others through the following media:

When employing salesmen, the more capable sales manager looks for the quality of personal magnetism as the first requirement of a salesman. People who lack sex energy will never become enthusiastic nor inspire others with enthusiasm, and enthusiasm is one of the most important requisites in salesmanship, no matter what one is selling.

The public speaker, orator, preacher, lawyer, or salesman who is lacking in sex energy is a “flop,” as far as being able to influence others is concerned. Couple with this the fact, that most people can be influenced only through an appeal to their emotions,

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and you will understand the importance of sex energy as a part of the salesman’s native ability. Master salesmen attain the status of mastery in selling, because they, either consciously, or unconsciously, transmute the energy of sex into SALES ENTHUSIASM! In this statement may be found a very practical suggestion as to the actual meaning of sex transmutation.

The salesman who knows how to take his mind off the subject of sex, and direct it in sales effort with as much enthusiasm and determination as he would apply to its original purpose, has acquired the art of sex transmutation, whether he knows it or not. The majority of salesmen who transmute their sex energy do so without being in the least aware of what they are doing, or how they are doing it.

Transmutation of sex energy calls for more will power than the average person cares to use for this purpose. Those who find it difficult to summon will-power sufficient for transmutation, may gradually acquire this ability. Though this requires will-power, the reward for the practice is more than worth the effort.

The entire subject of sex is one with which the majority of people appear to be unpardonably ignorant. The urge of sex has been grossly misunderstood, slandered, and burlesqued by the ignorant and the evil minded, for so long that the very word sex is seldom used in polite society. Men and women who are known to be blessed–yes, BLESSED–with highly sexed natures, are usually looked upon as being people who will bear watching.

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Instead of being called blessed, they are usually called cursed.

Millions of people, even in this age of enlightenment, have inferiority complexes which they developed because of this false belief that a highly sexed nature is a curse. These statements, of the virtue of sex energy, should not be construed as justification for the libertine. The emotion of sex is a virtue ONLY when used intelligently, and with discrimination. It may be misused, and often is, to such an extent that it debases, instead of enriches, both body and mind. The better use of this power is the burden of this chapter.

It seemed quite significant to the author, when he made the discovery that practically every great leader, whom he had the privilege of analyzing, was a man whose achievements were largely inspired by a woman. In many instances, the “woman in the case” was a modest, self-denying wife, of whom the public had heard but little or nothing. In a few instances, the source of inspiration has been traced to the “other woman.” Perhaps such cases may not be entirely unknown to you.

Intemperance in sex habits is just as detrimental as intemperance in habits of drinking and eating. In this age in which we live, an age which began with the world war, intemperance in habits of sex is common. This orgy of indulgence may account for the shortage of great leaders. No man can avail himself of the forces of his creative imagination, while dissipating them. Man is the only creature on earth which violates Nature’s purpose in this connection. Every other animal indulges its sex

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nature in moderation, and with purpose which harmonizes with the laws of nature. Every other animal responds to the call of sex only in “season.” Man’s inclination is to declare “open season.”

Every intelligent person knows that stimulation in excess, through alcoholic drink and narcotics, is a form of intemperance which destroys the vital organs of the body, including the brain. Not every person knows, however, that over indulgence in sex expression may become a habit as destructive and as detrimental to creative effort as narcotics or liquor.

A sex-mad man is not essentially different than a dope-mad man! Both have lost control over their faculties of reason and will-power. Sexual overindulgence may not only destroy reason and willpower, but it may also lead to either temporary, or permanent insanity. Many cases of hypochondria (imaginary illness) grow out of habits developed in ignorance of the true function of sex.

From these brief references to the subject, it may be readily seen that ignorance on the subject of sex transmutation, forces stupendous penalties upon the ignorant on the one hand, and withholds from them equally stupendous benefits, on the other.

Widespread ignorance on the subject of sex is due to the fact that the subject has been surrounded with mystery and beclouded by dark silence. The conspiracy of mystery and silence has had the same effect upon the minds of young people that the psychology of prohibition had. The result has been increased curiosity, and desire to acquire more

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knowledge on this “verboten” subject; and to the shame of all lawmakers, and most physicians–by training best qualified to educate youth on that subject–information has not been easily available.

Seldom does an individual enter upon highly creative effort in any field of endeavor before the age of forty. The average man reaches the period of his greatest capacity to create between forty and sixty. These statements are based upon analysis of thousands of men and women who have been carefully observed. They should be encouraging to those who fail to arrive before the age of forty, and to those who become frightened at the approach of “old age,” around the forty-year mark. The years between forty and fifty are, as a rule, the most fruitful. Man should approach this age, not with fear and trembling, but with hope and eager anticipation.

If you want evidence that most men do not begin to do their best work before the age of forty, study the records of the most successful men known to the American people, and you will find it. Henry Ford had not “hit his pace” of achievement until he had passed the age of forty. Andrew Carnegie was well past forty before he began to reap the reward of his efforts. James J. Hill was still running a telegraph key at the age of forty. His stupendous achievements took place after that age. Biographies of American industrialists and financiers are filled with evidence that the period from forty to sixty is the most productive age of man.

Between the ages of thirty and forty, man begins to learn (if he ever learns), the art of sex transmutation.

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This discovery is generally accidental, and more often than otherwise, the man who makes it is totally unconscious of his discovery. He may observe that his powers of achievement have increased around the age of thirty-five to forty, but in most cases, he is not familiar with the cause of this change; that Nature begins to harmonize the emotions of love and sex in the individual, between the ages of thirty and forty, so that he may draw upon these great forces, and apply them jointly as stimuli to action.

Sex, alone, is a mighty urge to action, but its forces are like a cyclone–they are often uncontrollable. When the emotion of love begins to mix itself with the emotion of sex, the result is calmness of purpose, poise, accuracy of judgment, and balance. What person, who has attained to the age of forty, is so unfortunate as to be unable to analyze these statements, and to corroborate them by his own experience?

When driven by his desire to please a woman, based solely upon the emotion of sex, a man may be, and usually is, capable of great achievement, but his actions may be disorganized, distorted, and totally destructive. When driven by his desire to please a woman, based upon the motive of sex alone, a man may steal, cheat, and even commit murder. But when the emotion of LOVE is mixed with the emotion of sex, that same man will guide his actions with more sanity, balance, and reason.

Criminologists have discovered that the most hardened criminals can be reformed through the influence of a woman’s love. There is no record of

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a criminal having been reformed solely through the sex influence. These facts are well known, but their cause is not. Reformation comes, if at all, through the heart, or the emotional side of man, not through his head, or reasoning side. Reformation means, “a change of heart.” It does not mean a “change of head.” A man may, because of reason, make certain changes in his personal conduct to avoid the consequences of undesirable effects, but GENUINE REFORMATION comes only through a change of heart–through a DESIRE to change.

Love, Romance, and Sex are all emotions capable of driving men to heights of super achievement. Love is the emotion which serves as a safety valve, and insures balance, poise, and constructive effort. When combined, these three emotions may lift one to an altitude of a genius. There are genii, however, who know but little of the emotion of love. Most of them may be found engaged in some form of action which is destructive, or at least, not based upon justice and fairness toward others. If good taste would permit, a dozen genii could be named in the field of industry and finance, who ride ruthlessly over the rights of their fellow men. They seem totally lacking in conscience. The reader can easily supply his own list of such men.

The emotions are states of mind. Nature has provided man with a “chemistry of the mind” which operates in a manner similar to the principles of chemistry of matter. It is a well known fact that, through the aid of chemistry of matter, a chemist may create a deadly poison by mixing certain elements, none of which are–in themselves–

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harmful in the right proportions. The emotions may, likewise, be combined so as to create a deadly poison. The emotions of sex and jealousy, when mixed, may turn a person into an insane beast.

The presence of any one or more of the destructive emotions in the human mind, through the chemistry of the mind, sets up a poison which may destroy one’s sense of justice and fairness. In extreme cases, the presence of any combination of these emotions in the mind may destroy one’s reason.

The road to genius consists of the development, control, and use of sex, love, and romance. Briefly, the process may be stated as follows:

Encourage the presence of these emotions as the dominating thoughts in one’s mind, and discourage the presence of all the destructive emotions. The mind is a creature of habit. It thrives upon the dominating thoughts fed it. Through the faculty of will-power, one may discourage the presence of any emotion, and encourage the presence of any other. Control of the mind, through the power of will, is not difficult. Control comes from persistence, and habit. The secret of control lies in understanding the process of transmutation. When any negative emotion presents itself in one’s mind, it can be transmuted into a positive, or constructive emotion, by the simple procedure of changing one’s thoughts.

THERE IS NO OTHER ROAD TO GENIUS THAN THROUGH VOLUNTARY SELF EFFORT! A man may attain to great heights of financial or business achievement, solely by the

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driving force of sex energy, but history is filled with evidence that he may, and usually does, carry with him certain traits of character which rob him of the ability to either hold, or enjoy his fortune. This is worthy of analysis, thought, and meditation, for it states a truth, the knowledge of which may be helpful to women as well as men. Ignorance of this has cost thousands of people their privilege of HAPPINESS, even though they possessed riches.

The emotions of love and sex leave their unmistakable marks upon the features. Moreover, these signs are so visible, that all who wish may read them. The man who is driven by the storm of passion, based upon sex desires alone, plainly advertises that fact to the entire world, by the expression of his eyes, and the lines of his face. The emotion of love, when mixed with the emotion of sex, softens, modifies, and beautifies the facial expression. No character analyst is needed to tell you this–you may observe it for yourself.

The emotion of love brings out, and develops, the artistic and the aesthetic nature of man. It leaves its impress upon one’s very soul, even after the fire has been subdued by time and circumstance.

Memories of love never pass. They linger, guide, and influence long after the source of stimulation has faded. There is nothing new in this. Every person, who has been moved by GENUINE LOVE, knows that it leaves enduring traces upon the human heart. The effect of love endures, because love is spiritual in nature. The man who cannot be stimulated to great heights of achievement by love,

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is hopeless–he is dead, though he may seem to live.

Even the memories of love are sufficient to lift one to a higher plane of creative effort. The major force of love may spend itself and pass away, like a fire which has burned itself out, but it leaves behind indelible marks as evidence that it passed that way. Its departure often prepares the human heart for a still greater love.

Go back into your yesterdays, at times, and bathe your mind in the beautiful memories of past love. It will soften the influence of the present worries and annoyances. It will give you a source of escape from the unpleasant realities of life, and maybe–who knows?–your mind will yield to you, during this temporary retreat into the world of fantasy, ideas, or plans which may change the entire financial or spiritual status of your life.

If you believe yourself unfortunate, because you have “loved and lost,” perish the thought. One who has loved truly, can never lose entirely. Love is whimsical and temperamental. Its nature is ephemeral, and transitory. It comes when it pleases, and goes away without warning. Accept and enjoy it while it remains, but spend no time worrying about its departure. Worry will never bring it back.

Dismiss, also, the thought that love never comes but once. Love may come and go, times without number, but there are no two love experiences which affect one in just the same way. There may be, and there usually is, one love experience which leaves a deeper imprint on the heart than all the others, but all love experiences are beneficial, except

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to the person who becomes resentful and cynical when love makes its departure.

There should be no disappointment over love, and there would be none if people understood the difference between the emotions of love and sex. The major difference is that love is spiritual, while sex is biological. No experience, which touches the human heart with a spiritual force, can possibly be harmful, except through ignorance, or jealousy.

Love is, without question, life’s greatest experience. It brings one into communion with Infinite Intelligence. When mixed with the emotions of romance and sex, it may lead one far up the ladder of creative effort. The emotions of love, sex, and romance, are sides of the eternal triangle of achievement-building genius. Nature creates genii through no other force.

Love is an emotion with many sides, shades, and colors. The love which one feels for parents, or children is quite different from that which one feels for one’s sweetheart. The one is mixed with the emotion of sex, while the other is not.

The love which one feels in true friendship is not the same as that felt for one’s sweetheart, parents, or children, but it, too, is a form of love.

Then, there is the emotion of love for things inanimate, such as the love of Nature’s handiwork. But the most intense and burning of all these various kinds of love, is that experienced in the blending of the emotions of love and sex. Marriages, not blessed with the eternal affinity of love, properly balanced and proportioned, with sex, cannot be happy ones–and seldom endure. Love, alone, will

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not bring happiness in marriage, nor will sex alone. When these two beautiful emotions are blended, marriage may bring about a state of mind, closest to the spiritual that one may ever know on this earthly plane.

When the emotion of romance is added to those of love and sex, the obstructions between the finite mind of man and Infinite Intelligence are removed. Then a genius has been born!

What a different story is this, than those usually associated with the emotion of sex. Here is an interpretation of the emotion which lifts it out of the commonplace, and makes of it potter’s clay in the hands of God, from which He fashions all that is beautiful and inspiring. It is an interpretation which would, when properly understood, bring harmony out of the chaos which exists in too many marriages. The disharmonies often expressed in the form of nagging, may usually be traced to lack of knowledge on the subject of sex. Where love, romance and the proper understanding of the emotion and function of sex abide, there is no disharmony between married people.

Fortunate is the husband whose wife understands the true relationship between the emotions of love, sex, and romance. When motivated by this holy triumvirate, no form of labor is burdensome, because even the most lowly form of effort takes on the nature of a labor of love.

It is a very old saying that “a man’s wife may either make him or break him,” but the reason is not always understood. The “making” and “breaking” is the result of the wife’s understanding, or

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lack of understanding of the emotions of love, sex, and romance.

Despite the fact that men are polygamous, by the very nature of their biological inheritance, it is true that no woman has as great an influence on a man as his wife, unless he is married to a woman totally unsuited to his nature. If a woman permits her husband to lose interest in her, and become more interested in other women, it is usually because of her ignorance, or indifference toward the subjects of sex, love, and romance. This statement presupposes, of course, that genuine love once existed between a man and his wife. The facts are equally applicable to a man who permits his wife’s interest in him to die.

Married people often bicker over a multitude of trivialities. If these are analyzed accurately, the real cause of the trouble will often be found to be indifference, or ignorance on these subjects.

Man’s greatest motivating force is his desire to please woman! The hunter who excelled during prehistoric days, before the dawn of civilization, did so, because of his desire to appear great in the eyes of woman. Man’s nature has not changed in this respect. The “hunter” of today brings home no skins of wild animals, but he indicates his desire for her favor by supplying fine clothes, motor cars, and wealth. Man has the same desire to please woman that he had before the dawn of civilization. The only thing that has changed, is his method of pleasing. Men who accumulate large fortunes, and attain to great heights of power and fame, do so, mainly, to satisfy their desire to please women.

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Take women out of their lives, and great wealth would be useless to most men. It is this inherent desire of man to please woman, which gives woman the power to make or break a man.

The woman who understands man’s nature and tactfully caters to it, need have no fear of competition from other women. Men may be “giants” with indomitable will-power when dealing with other men, but they are easily managed by the women of their choice.

Most men will not admit that they are easily influenced by the women they prefer, because it is in the nature of the male to want to be recognized as the stronger of the species. Moreover, the intelligent woman recognizes this “manly trait” and very wisely makes no issue of it.

Some men know that they are being influenced by the women of their choice–their wives, sweethearts, mothers or sisters–but they tactfully refrain from rebelling against the influence because they are intelligent enough to know that NO MAN IS HAPPY OR COMPLETE WITHOUT THE MODIFYING INFLUENCE OF THE RIGHT WOMAN. The man who does not recognize this important truth deprives himself of the power which has done more to help men achieve success than all other forces combined.

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Let us here it from Napoleon Hill himself. Brace yourself, it is a long chapter, but I hope you will read it all and be truly inspired to unleash the genius within you. If you can, please print this blog post.

CHAPTER 11 ( Think and Grow Rich Book)

THE MYSTERY OF SEX TRANSMUTATION

The Tenth Step toward Riches

ANYBODY can WISH for riches, and most people do, but only a few know that a definite plan, plus a BURNING DESIRE for wealth, are the only dependable means of accumulating wealth.

THE meaning of the word “transmute” is, in simple language, “the changing, or transferring of one element, or form of energy, into another.”

The emotion of sex brings into being a state of mind.

Because of ignorance on the subject, this state of mind is generally associated with the physical, and because of improper influences, to which most people have been subjected, in acquiring knowledge of sex, things essentially physical have highly biased the mind.

The emotion of sex has back of it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:–

Sex transmutation is simple and easily explained. It means the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.

Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires.

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When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times. So strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it. When harnessed, and redirected along other lines, this motivating force maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.

The transmutation of sex energy calls for the exercise of will-power, to be sure, but the reward is worth the effort. The desire for sexual expression is inborn and natural. The desire cannot, and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression which enrich the body, mind, and spirit of man. If not given this form of outlet, through transmutation, it will seek outlets through purely physical channels.

A river may be dammed, and its water controlled for a time, but eventually, it will force an outlet. The same is true of the emotion of sex. It may be submerged and controlled for a time, but its very nature causes it to be ever seeking means of expression. If it is not transmuted into some creative effort it will find a less worthy outlet.

Fortunate, indeed, is the person who has discovered how to give sex emotion an outlet through some form of creative effort, for he has, by that discovery, lifted himself to the status of a genius.

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Scientific research has disclosed these significant facts:

The research from which these astounding discoveries were made, went back through the pages of biography and history for more than two thousand years. Wherever there was evidence available in connection with the lives of men and women of great achievement, it indicated most convincingly that they possessed highly developed sex natures.

The emotion of sex is an “irresistible force,” against which there can be no such opposition as an “immovable body.” When driven by this emotion, men become gifted with a super power for action. Understand this truth, and you will catch the significance of the statement that sex transmutation will lift one to the status of a genius.

The emotion of sex contains the secret of creative ability.

Destroy the sex glands, whether in man or beast, and you have removed the major source of action. For proof of this, observe what happens to any animal after it has been castrated. A bull becomes as docile as a cow after it has been altered sexually. Sex alteration takes out of the male, whether man

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or beast, all the FIGHT that was in him. Sex alteration of the female has the same effect.

THE TEN MIND STIMULI

The human mind responds to stimuli, through which it may be “keyed up” to high rates of vibration, known as enthusiasm, creative imagination, intense desire, etc. The stimuli to which the mind responds most freely are:–

The desire for sex expression comes at the head of the list of stimuli, which most effectively “step-up” the vibrations of the mind and start the “wheels” of physical action. Eight of these stimuli are natural and constructive. Two are destructive. The list is here presented for the purpose of enabling

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you to make a comparative study of the major sources of mind stimulation. From this study, it will be readily seen that the emotion of sex is, by great odds, the most intense and powerful of all mind stimuli.

This comparison is necessary as a foundation for proof of the statement that transmutation of sex energy may lift one to the status of a genius. Let us find out what constitutes a genius.

Some wiseacre has said that a genius is a man who “wears long hair, eats queer food, lives alone, and serves as a target for the joke makers.” A better definition of a genius is, “a man who has discovered how to increase the vibrations of thought to the point where he can freely communicate with sources of knowledge not available through the ordinary rate of vibration of thought.”

The person who thinks will want to ask some questions concerning this definition of genius. The first question will be, “How may one communicate with sources of knowledge which are not available through the ORDINARY rate of vibration of thought?”

The next question will be, “Are there known sources of knowledge which are available only to genii, and if so, WHAT ARE THESE SOURCES, and exactly how may they be reached?”

We shall offer proof of the soundness of some of the more important statements made in this book–or at least we shall offer evidence through which you may secure your own proof through experimentation, and in doing so, we shall answer both of these questions.

p. 265

“GENIUS” IS DEVELOPED THROUGH THE SIXTH SENSE

The reality of a “sixth sense” has been fairly well established. This sixth sense is “Creative Imagination.” The faculty of creative imagination is one which the majority of people never use during an entire lifetime, and if used at all, it usually happens by mere accident. A relatively small number of people use, WITH DELIBERATION AND PURPOSE AFORETHOUGHT, the faculty of creative imagination. Those who use this faculty voluntarily, and with understanding of its functions, are GENII.

The faculty of creative imagination is the direct link between the finite mind of man and Infinite Intelligence. All so-called revelations, referred to in the realm of religion, and all discoveries of basic or new principles in the field of invention, take place through the faculty of creative imagination.

When ideas or concepts flash into one’s mind, through what is popularly called a “hunch,” they come from one or more of the following sources:–

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There are no other KNOWN sources from which “inspired” ideas or “hunches” may be received.

The creative imagination functions best when the mind is vibrating (due to some form of mind stimulation) at an exceedingly high rate. That is, when the mind is functioning at a rate of vibration higher than that of ordinary, normal thought.

When brain action has been stimulated, through one or more of the ten mind stimulants, it has the effect of lifting the individual far above the horizon of ordinary thought, and permits him to envision distance, scope, and quality of THOUGHTS not available on the lower plane, such as that occupied while one is engaged in the solution of the problems of business and professional routine.

When lifted to this higher level of thought, through any form of mind stimulation, an individual occupies, relatively, the same position as one who has ascended in an airplane to a height from which he may see over and beyond the horizon line which limits his vision, while on the ground. Moreover, while on this higher level of thought, the individual is not hampered or bound by any of the stimuli which circumscribe and limit his vision while wrestling with the problems of gaining the three basic necessities of food, clothing, and shelter. He is in a world of thought in which the ORDINARY, work-a-day thoughts have been as effectively removed as are the hills and valleys and other limitations of physical vision, when he rises in an airplane.

While on this exalted plane of THOUGHT, the creative faculty of the mind is given freedom for

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action. The way has been cleared for the sixth sense to function, it becomes receptive to ideas which could not reach the individual under any other circumstances. The “sixth sense” is the faculty which marks the difference between a genius and an ordinary individual.

The creative faculty becomes more alert and receptive to vibrations, originating outside the individual’s subconscious mind, the more this faculty is used, and the more the individual relies upon it, and makes demands upon it for thought impulses. This faculty can be cultivated and developed only through use.

That which is known as one’s “conscience” operates entirely through the faculty of the sixth sense.

The great artists, writers, musicians, and poets become great, because they acquire the habit of relying upon the “still small voice” which speaks from within, through the faculty of creative imagination. It is a fact well known to people who have “keen” imaginations that their best ideas come through so-called “hunches.”

There is a great orator who does not attain to greatness, until he closes his eyes and begins to rely entirely upon the faculty of Creative Imagination. When asked why he closed his eyes just before the climaxes of his oratory, he replied, “I do it, because, then I speak through ideas which come to me from within.”

One of America’s most successful and best known financiers followed the habit of closing his eyes for two or three minutes before making a decision.

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When asked why he did this, he replied, “With my eyes closed, I am able to draw upon a source of superior intelligence.”

The late Dr. Elmer R. Gates, of Chevy Chase, Maryland, created more than 200 useful patents, many of them basic, through the process of cultivating and using the creative faculty. His method is both significant and interesting to one interested in attaining to the status of genius, in which category Dr. Gates, unquestionably belonged. Dr. Gates was one of the really great, though less publicized scientists of the world.

In his laboratory, he had what he called his “personal communication room.” It was practically sound proof, and so arranged that all light could be shut out. It was equipped with a small table, on which he kept a pad of writing paper. In front of the table, on the wall, was an electric pushbutton, which controlled the lights. When Dr. Gates desired to draw upon the forces available to him through his Creative Imagination, he would go into this room, seat himself at the table, shut off the lights, and CONCENTRATE upon the KNOWN factors of the invention on which he was working, remaining in that position until ideas began to “flash” into his mind in connection with the UNKNOWN factors of the invention.

On one occasion, ideas came through so fast that he was forced to write for almost three hours. When the thoughts stopped flowing, and he examined his notes, he found they contained a minute description of principles which had not a parallel among the known data of the scientific world.

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Moreover, the answer to his problem was intelligently presented in those notes. In this manner Dr. Gates completed over 200 patents, which had been begun, but not completed, by “half-baked” brains. Evidence of the truth of this statement is in the United States Patent Office.

Dr. Gates earned his living by “sitting for ideas” for individuals and corporations. Some of the largest corporations in America paid him substantial fees, by the hour, for “sitting for ideas.”

The reasoning faculty is often faulty, because it is largely guided by one’s accumulated experience. Not all knowledge, which one accumulates through “experience,” is accurate. Ideas received through the creative faculty are much more reliable, for the reason that they come from sources more reliable than any which are available to the reasoning faculty of the mind.

The major difference between the genius and the ordinary “crank” inventor, may be found in the fact that the genius works through his faculty of creative imagination, while the “crank” knows nothing of this faculty. The scientific inventor (such as Mr. Edison, and Dr. Gates), makes use of both the synthetic and the creative faculties of imagination.

For example, the scientific inventor, or “genius,” begins an invention by organizing and combining the known ideas, or principles accumulated through experience, through the synthetic faculty (the reasoning faculty). If he finds this accumulated knowledge to be insufficient for the completion of his invention, he then draws upon the sources of

p. 270

knowledge available to him through his creative faculty. The method by which he does this varies with the individual, but this is the sum and substance of his procedure:

Sometimes the results are both definite and immediate. At other times, the results are negative, depending upon the state of development of the “sixth sense,” or creative faculty.

Mr. Edison tried out more than 10,000 different combinations of ideas through the synthetic faculty of his imagination before he “tuned in” through the creative faculty, and got the answer which perfected the incandescent light. His experience was similar when he produced the talking machine.

There is plenty of reliable evidence that the faculty of creative imagination exists. This evidence is available through accurate analysis of men who have become leaders in their respective callings, without having had extensive educations. Lincoln was a notable example of a great leader

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who achieved greatness, through the discovery, and use of his faculty of creative imagination. He discovered, and began to use this faculty as the result of the stimulation of love which he experienced after he met Anne Rutledge, a statement of the highest significance, in connection with the study of the source of genius.

The pages of history are filled with the records of great leaders whose achievements may be traced directly to the influence of women who aroused the creative faculties of their minds, through the stimulation of sex desire. Napoleon Bonaparte was one of these. When inspired by his first wife, Josephine, he was irresistible and invincible. When his “better judgment” or reasoning faculty prompted him to put Josephine aside, he began to decline. His defeat and St. Helena were not far distant.

If good taste would permit, we might easily mention scores of men, well known to the American people, who climbed to great heights of achievement under the stimulating influence of their wives, only to drop back to destruction AFTER money and power went to their heads, and they put aside the old wife for a new one. Napoleon was not the only man to discover that sex influence, from the right source, is more powerful than any substitute of expediency, which may be created by mere reason.

The human mind responds to stimulation!

Among the greatest, and most powerful of these stimuli is the urge of sex. When harnessed and transmuted, this driving force is capable of lifting men into that higher sphere of thought which enables

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them to master the sources of worry and petty annoyance which beset their pathway on the lower plane.

Unfortunately, only the genii have made the discovery. Others have accepted the experience of sex urge, without discovering one of its major potentialities–a fact which accounts for the great number of “others” as compared to the limited number of genii.

For the purpose of refreshing the memory, in connection with the facts available from the biographies of certain men, we here present the names of a few men of outstanding achievement, each of whom was known to have been of a highly sexed nature. The genius which was their’s, undoubtedly found its source of power in transmuted sex energy:

Your own knowledge of biography will enable you to add to this list. Find, if you can, a single man, in all history of civilization, who achieved outstanding success in any calling, who was not driven by a well developed sex nature.

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If you do not wish to rely upon biographies of men not now living, take inventory of those whom you know to be men of great achievement, and see if you can find one among them who is not highly sexed.

Sex energy is the creative energy of all genii. There never has been, and never will be a great leader, builder, or artist lacking in this driving force of sex.

Surely no one will misunderstand these statements to mean that ALL who are highly sexed are genii! Man attains to the status of a genius ONLY when, and IF, he stimulates his mind so that it draws upon the forces available, through the creative faculty of the imagination. Chief among the stimuli with which this “stepping up” of the vibrations may be produced is sex energy. The mere possession of this energy is not sufficient to produce a genius. The energy must be transmuted from desire for physical contact, into some other form of desire and action, before it will lift one to the status of a genius.

Far from becoming genii, because of great sex desires, the majority of men lower themselves, through misunderstanding and misuse of this great force, to the status of the lower animals.

Continued on Part 2. Please Read On.

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Not all your friends can play this role of a right hand man. Not everyone in your career line can do that either. To ensure that you have the right man (or woman) for the job,  be careful to check that they have some of these qualities.

1.    Has good motives

There are two types of friends; givers and takers. Givers will share their ideas, encourage you, motivate you, be there for you and much more. Takers will be on the look out for what they can squeeze out of you. They will take your ideas, your fighting spirit, your enthusiasm and resources.

You don’t want someone who is around to steal your ideas then take off. Gauge people who are genuinely interested in giving you the support you need. This does not mean you don’t share ideas with them, it but let it be mutual.

2.    Have common goals

Don’t hold hands with someone jumping off the cliff (unless you are also jumping). When you are aiming for the same thing then it is easier to share experiences with your right hand man. A good right hand man should be moving in the same general direction as you.

3.    Positive outlook in life

People who expect the best from life exude positivity and it’s contagious. They will push you to be the best you can be. But if your right hand man is only good at pointing out the flaws and impossibilities. Then you need to change company. If you surround yourself with such people you will not realize it but you will begin picking that negativity and doubting yourself. Make sure your right hand man is one who will have positive influence on you.

4.    A person who you can learn from

Your right hand man doesn’t need to be your mentor but you should be able to learn a few things from this person either directly related to your career or in general aspects of life. He/she should be a person who enriches your life in one way or the other. They should have a positive effect on you.

5.    Your right hand man should be reliable

Reliability is what sets apart friends from acquaintances. We all want to be around people we can trust. A person you know can count on to be there when you need them. The last thing you need is right hand man who does not pick up his phone when you are caught between a rock and a hard place.

6.    Trustworthiness is key

A right hand man will be privy to some of your trade secrets, your weaknesses. You need to trust that such information is in safe hands.  This is a person who knows quite a bit about you and could hurt you if he/she wanted to. Have an eye for spotting backstabbers before they hurt you.

7.    A genuine friend

It is important that above all that your right hand man be your friend. When you have a genuine friend in your right hand man, then most of these are things will fall into place. A friend will want the best for you; a friend will be there to listen when you need someone to listen; a friend will also take care of your affairs in your absence.

When you have that person who can always be with you in your journey to success this is a great asset for you and will help you keep you focused.

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1.    You expect that your partner will fix it all

As an individual, you may have deep issues such as fear or low self-esteem.  You may wrongly imagine that as long as you are in a relationship your partner will fix those problems.

Some of the problems you have as a person, only YOU can solve. A relationship should not be a substitute for problem solving skills. Expecting your partner to be Mr or Mrs Fix-it-all is self delusion and leads to disappointment.

2.    Control freak

If you are a control freak then that relationship is not likely to last so long. If one of you is always threatening to leave when things are not done in a certain way, then that’s a big red sign right there. Forcing your way in the relationship does not help solve anything either.

3.    Lack of trust

Trust is a fundamental ingredient in establishing a relationship. If you cannot trust the other person you will have problems getting convinced that they really love you. Diminishing trust is a sign of an impending catastrophe in a relationship.

4.    You have no other friends besides your significant other

If you are always hanging out with your significant other because you don’t have any networks besides your relationship, then by all means that’s unhealthy. Having other friends does not mean you do love your partner any less. But you get to learn from other people as well and there is nothing wrong with mingling and having a good time with other friends.

5.    There is abuse

Abuse can with be mental, verbal, or emotional. If the other person is subjecting you to any kind of abuse, then your relationship is ailing. The victim is always put down everyday of her/his life. In some cases they are not brave enough to speak out, so it looks like all is well. Abuse is not one of the recipes of a great relationship and both of you need to work on it.

6.    You feel like you have lost your own identity

Sharing your life with another person does not mean you become one. You are still two different people and you should not lose your uniqueness. Do not try to be like the other person. Your uniqueness is an asset in your relationship. Use it to add some freshness and flavor in your relationship. When you feel like you have lost that, then you are in a relationship that needs fixing.

7.    You are always on a disappointment mode

There is nothing that your partner seems to get right. None of your needs are met. This causes you disappointment all the time. It maybe a sign that maybe you are with the wrong person, or you need to revise your expectations. Evaluate your demands, what has changed? Are they different from what they were initially? Why did they change? These are some of the questions you can probe to try fix this problem.

8.    You get jealousy fits

When you don’t want to see your partner talk to anybody else, then this is a cause to worry you. This kind of insecurity is a sign of other deeply unsettling issues in your relationship. You need to sit and get to the root cause of this mistrust. There may be a bigger problem that should be arrested before things get out of hand.

9.    There are restrictions to your life

If you have restrictions on when and who you can see in your family, or among your friends, then you have a cause to worry. If your partner puts a ceiling on your goals and ambitions, then this is a relationship that needs fixing.

10. You are bored

Relationships are not supposed to be drama filled or action movies. You can afford to doze on and off and still have a great relationship. But if you are bored senseless, then that is a worrying sign. Find things to keep you interested in your partner. You only live twice, so make your current life better than your after life.

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Communication is the lubricant of the relationship machine. It is one of the major corner stones of a relationship. Without proper and clear communication, a relationship may be as good as a shell. You need to let your partner in on what you are going through.

Learning to communicate with your partner will have gone a long way in improving a relationship. However, it has to be two way, both have to make time for listening and empathizing with each other.

2 – Work at it

Some people love the thrill of the chase but get bored senseless when it comes to the day to day operations of the relationship. Do you still do the sweet little things that you used to do in the early days of the relationship? Sloppiness and laziness damage relationships. Relationships are hard work so fold up your sleeves and get to work.

Be keen to make your partner feel good about themselves.  Consciously working to improve the relationship is what keeps the fire burning.

3 – Make time

In the current world, people have to work for long hours or even take up several jobs. This however does not mean that your relationship should be left unattended. Learn to create time daily or weekly to spend with your partner, and connect with them as at a personal level. Be careful not to spend this time talking about the children or bills. Utilize it to enjoy each others company and connect with them and what they are going through as individuals.

4 – Support each others decisions

When your partner has an idea, for instance starting a business or buying something, be there to help them and offer them the support that you can. Be a pillar to your partner and you will be surprised how such will bring you closer together.

5 – Do not force them to change

Trying to change your partner may cause more harm than good in your relationship. Instead focus on their good traits and reinforce them. Learn to live with their flaws but do not force your partner to be something they are not, just because that is what you want, or that’s how you expect them to behave.

6 – Take care of yourself

Before you can take care of your partner you need to take care of yourself. You need to watch your health, and make sure you are living responsibly. Only when you are in good shape can you be able to take care of your partner. This will also help you remain desirable and maintain the good image your partner saw when you were starting out.

7 – Do not judge harshly

Criticism can cause a rift between you and should be approached very carefully. When correcting your partner do so with love and gently, shouting and belittling your partner may not serve your intended purpose.

8 – Evolve with your relationship

Change is a constant in life; needs and expectations are not static. Your relationship changes with time too. And for you to keep it going, you have to be aware of the changes taking place and adjust accordingly. Simply put, keep renewing your contract, to make sure your changing needs and your partners are met.

9 – Make decisions jointly.

If you start running your own show in your relationship then you are just spelling out disaster. This is because you will start having things that your partner has no idea about. Consult with your partner before you make any decisions, they will feel needed and loved when you solicit their input and their thoughts about any issue.

10 – Courtship should last a lifetime

You remember the effort you put to make your partner happy when your relationship was young? The gifts, compliments, loving embraces – those little things that you initially did, go a long way in helping you bond more. They have the best effect if they are surprises. Your relationship will continue to grow everyday.

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Trust is simply reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, or surety of someone or something. Trust does not just happen, it is cultivated over a long period of time. The little things that you do everyday are the little trust deposits. It takes years to do this.

1. Choose between secrets and trust.

Unless you are in the CIA, remember that secrets are not good nourishment for your relationship. Secrets erode a tremendous amount of energy and trust. The richer your secrets warehouse, the poorer your trust granary. The energy used in deciphering and hiding secrets could be better used in enriching your relationship. Take it upon yourself to open up before secrets eats your relationship like a hungry swine.

2. The devil is in the details.

A relationship is an investment. Respect your investment partner through a detailed product disclosure statement.  Leaving out vital details can erode trust faster than you can say sorry.

3. Predictability may be boring but it is not evil

Let your partner know where you are and what you are up to. Clear any questions or any doubts your spouse may have about you. If possible stick to a schedule and be consistent. The minute he/she starts questioning what you are up to, or what you did with the last paycheck then problems are bound to arise.

4. Timely and clear communication

Incase there will be a change in the norm communicate early enough to your partner. Keep them on the loop on what is happening. Let them in on your progress. This way you drive out any fears or doubts that your partner may have. This may seem boring but trust me it’s works. Drop an sms every so often. Let your significant other in on what is going on. If you intend to make a major investment, talk about it early enough.

5. Have some faith in the other person

When someone knows that you have some faith in them and you do believe in their competence, then they will be more open to trusting you. Learn to compliment your partner and give them credit when it’s due. When trying to correct them do not do so in a manner to make them feel put down. They are more likely to trust you and feel safe with you when you use such an approach.

6. Walk the talk

Make sure your words match you actions. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When you learn to fulfill what you say, you will be making progress in terms of building trust.

7. Speak out

This is real life my friend, not Hansen and Gretel. Don’t drop hints like breadcrumbs and hope that your partner will find his way to your mind. Ladies, do yourself a favor and just lay it out. What you expect from your partner?  Ambiguity breeds inaction. If you want this or that, then just speak it out. This way, your expectations will be met with minimal fuss. In the process trust is built and maintained.

8. Unveil your personality

Let you partner know what kind of person you are without a doubt. What makes you mad or what makes you tick. Unfortunately many people are a bit hesitant with this. They dread their partners figuring them out (might be a wise move, in some cases). However, if something offends you or makes you uncomfortable then state it clearly. Abraham Lincoln wisely said “to sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.”

9. Be reliable

Reliability is the long haul trick to solid trust. Trust is built over time, just like rivers and trees. Keep the small promises, keep time, and show up for meetings.  This closely ties with keeping your word. When you say you are going to do something do not let them down, make sure that it is done.

10. Be honest

Avoid lying even about the very small things. It’s that small lie that will lead to a bigger one and to bigger one and you are tied up in a frenzy of lying. Covering up lie with a lie makes you lie low. Pause and ask yourself, is it really worth it?

Trust is like a balloon, one little prick and its all gone. Years and years spent creating it can all go up in smoke. It is something that anyone in a relationship should guard fiercely. George MacDonald said in one his quotes ‘to be trusted is a better compliment than to be loved” I could not agree more.

I would love to hear what you have to say about the sensitive topic of trust through your comments.

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In today’s post we uncover some relationship myths that may be holding us back. Hopefully you will be inspired to approach relationships from a new angle.

Myth 1: A great relationship depends on a seamless connection of the minds.

It is important to remember that you are two different people. You may have different outlooks in life but the kind of relationship you have has nothing to do with this. You will not avoid conflict by supposedly thinking alike. You should not bend backwards and start thinking like the other person in the belief that you will have a happy relationship. On the contrary you will become a very unhappy person.

Myth 2: You require very high problem solving skills in a relationship otherwise it won’t work.

You will be surprised how many problems are actually unsolvable in relationships. This is for the simple reason that you are historically different in your beliefs on some issues. And there is nothing wrong with that. When you are different, problems will keep arising and not all are solvable, but this doesn’t mean you can’t have a good relationship. You just get to a level where both of you can let it go. Learn to live with the differences.

Myth 3: You need to have common interests that hold you together forever.

You don’t need to have common interests to get your relationship working. Creating time for each other is the most important thing to do, not forcing your partner into golf or a book club because that is what you like.

Myth 4: A great relationship has to be peaceful.

Arguments are a part of life and there are times you will feel like setting your partner on fire. But that does not mean your relationship wont work. On the contrary you will be able to settle your differences and perhaps become better people after a very heated argument. Do not feel the temptation to suppress your true feelings when you disagree with your spouse about something

Myth 5: You are able to totally speak your mind in a great relationship.

When words leave your mouth, there is no way you can ever take them back. Whether you have the best relationship in the world, some things that you spurt out may harm your relationship forever. Before you let out those words consider that effect they will have in your relationship, be wise enough to think objectively even when you are very angry.

Myth 6: If you have flaws then you cannot have a great relationship.

No person is perfect. We all have shortcomings in one way or the other. There are some with more visible flaws than others, if your partner has a few problems, learn to work around them. Always focus on the things that attracted you to them in the first place. Work on your relationship and you can achieve nirvana with that same person.

Myth 7: There is a universal way of making a relationship great

There is no single road map to a successful relationship. There are many ways as there are people in the world. This is not to say that the fundamentals of a healthy relationship such as communication be abused. But do not try to blindly do what you read in a book; work with what is good for you and your partner. There is not a standard way of making your relationship great.

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1 – Plant the wrong seeds.

Program your mind to expect the worst. Visualize bad things in the relationship. When you create scenarios of quarrels and breakups in your mind, then guess what my friend this is what will eventually happen.

2 – Have a reckless mouth.

When the other party rubs you the wrong way even in very little incidences, don’t hold back. Spit out the meanest things you have learnt since grade school. Then if you still have a little sympathy left you can apologize all you want but your work is done, the damage is already done

3 – Get a big head.

When you are complimented by your partner, use that chance to rub in how good you are than they are and brag about it all you want. Belittle them then thank them for realizing your potential or your beauty. The only problem is that you may not be getting one of these anytime soon.

4 – Assume your partner is a mind reader

When you don’t speak out your mind and assume that the other person knows what you expect of them or what you want them to do for you, then you can be sure to destroy yourself and your relationship. This is because you will often be disappointed and angry at things you imagine the other party has psychic powers to detect.

5 – Forget the word ‘sorry’.

Even when it is proven beyond reasonable doubt that you are on the wrong, don’t give a hoot about anything. Just don’t utter those magic words ‘am sorry’ they will sabotage your mission.

6 – Be a fault finder.

We are humans and so is your partner, and we are far from perfect if you look for something to put you off you will definitely find not just one but several.

7 – Belittle your partner.

Make jokes to put them down when you are out for a drink with your friends. Laugh at physical faults that your partner may have publicly.

8 – Break every promise.

You know the things that matter most to your partner, go ahead and not fulfill them, even when you had made a promise to. Make those things the least of your concerns.

9 – Assume you are always right

Refuse to accept any other views from your partner. Stand your ground rigidly even when you are not very reasonable. You are always right after all!

10 – Listen with your ears wide shut.

When they are telling you about their day or a problem they have just stare at them look like you are listening when going through the errands you will be running tomorrow in your mind.

Summary

The above habits are enough rope for anyone craving to put their house on fire. Now get to work my friend, work on your relationship instead of destroying it.

Other articles you may enjoy :

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2. Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship There are actions and habits that should be reason enough...
3. Making your Relationship Last Some relationships are single serving like airline food. Others last...
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In the last series, we were talked of Getting Ahead in life. From my experience, the fastest way of succeeding and sustaining success is growing and nurturing relationships. Be they business, social, family or dating relationships, how you relate with others determines how high you ascend or how low you sink.

The people you interact with have a deep impact on how you feel and who you eventually become. No matter what stage in life you may be in, you need other people. Cultivating relationships is a powerful skill to add to your success arsenal.

This series will be exploring various relationships and aspects of relationships. But before we do that, let’s get clear on why relationships matter. Why do we even need to bother fostering great relationships?

1. Relationships give lasting happiness

We are social animals. We need people around us to be happy. The people around us ignite happiness, cultivate it and share in it. This is the only way to have lasting happiness. You may enjoy your own company and be happy alone but this is very limited. The happiness in isolation has a ceiling. You can be happy enjoying you wealth alone, and maybe enjoy bashing and walking on everyone around you, and gain great satisfaction from that. But the sad news is, this kind of happiness can only go on to a point. It is through the relationships you, be it family or friends or colleagues that one derives true and sustainable happiness. There is joy in sharing other people’s successes and helping them in times of need.

2. You get help through relationships.

No man is an island. No man is self sufficient. You cannot have everything you need in your life and it doesn’t matter how rich you become. From time to time, you will need other people in your life. It is the people that you relate with that you will talk to when you have a problem and need help. It is through relationships cultivate that you get a helping hand in your hour of need.

3. Relationships are a source of learning.

Through our different relationships we get to learn about life, about ourselves and about other people as well. The relationships that we keep are a great source of knowledge, insight, and influence. We learn a lot from the people we relate with regardless of age, race, gender. There is something to learn from everyone we relate with.

4. Relationships offer opportunities

One of the greatest assets when it comes to getting ahead in life is our networks. This is an asset that can really steer you into achieving your goals. These networks cannot exist in a vacuum neither can they be developed with non-human objects. They are based on relationships. And in your journey to success, your relationships may turn out to be o the best of your investments.

5. Relationships are mirrors to our souls.

A wise man said once, ‘show me your friends and I will tell you who you are’. The relationships we have are a direct reflection of who we are. Birds of a feather flock together, and chances are you will end up in circles of people with a mindset and behavior just like you. You are likely to develop relationships with people who reflect you in some way or the other.

6. Relationships give you security.

With good friends around, friends who are reliable, and friends that you can count on, there is a sense of security when you know that there are people out there that have your back. One of the great reasons why people get married is for this same reason. There is a feeling of security amongst both partners mentally and financially.

7. Relationships drive our ambitions.

One of the reasons why we work so hard everyday is so that we may guard some relationships that we have in our lives. Everybody wants the best for their children and will do great things to make sure they have met them. You want to impress a girl, you work very hard to afford that expensive car. Your friend has a PHD, you work tirelessly to get one too. Relationships shape our ambitions and world view. However, be careful on the kind of ambitions your relationships create in you. Keeping up with the Joneses blindly might not be your best move yet.

8. Relationships offer a sounding board for our thoughts, ideas.

When you have something in mind, there are people that you talk to. People who will give you a genuine opinion of whatever thought or idea you may have. It may be your wife or best friend or mentor who will listen and tell you what they think about your ideas. It is through these relationships that one is able to improve on the same or forget about it all together. Relationships provide a platform for this. You are able to tell if you are still on the right track by soliciting feedback from the people around you.

9. Relationships keep you sane

Life is full of pressures left, right, and center. But when you have stable relationships networked around you, you are able to maneuver each day with renewed power. Through sharing with friends, or getting that smile from your daughter. You can imagine how this life would be without having those relationships. Total darkness.

10. Relationships are success

One way to measure your success is by analyzing the kind of relationships you have. If you have a trail of failed relationships and people that you have let down, I wonder how successful you can term yourself to be. There is victory and joy in having stable and mature relationships, be it at work, or with your family, or even with your friends. Your relationships are a measure of your true success.

Summary

Relationships do matter to everybody under the sun. You cannot live in a world of your own and be truly successful. We all need each other. I hope you now have an extra incentive to get back on the drawing board and improve a couple of your relationships.

If you like this article, please share with your friends. I would also love to hear from you through the comments.

Other articles you may enjoy :

1. Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship There are actions and habits that should be reason enough...
2. Revealed: 7 Relationship Myths Relationships often fail because of having the wrong mind set....
3. 10 Surefire Ways of Destroying a Relationship. Yesterday we talked about the importance of relationships in our...
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This year, I have been unshackling myself from mental slavery. I earmarked 2009 as the year of unparalleled professional and personal growth. It has meant getting rid of some beliefs that were royally screwing my life and preventing me from getting ahead.

I decided to start this blog to share my experiences, lessons and thoughts with others…why? To inspire you to be the best you can be. It has not been an easy road exposing my life to people I might never meet. But it is a small prize to pay to make a positive contribution in your life. I might never meet you in person, but it is my hope that your success will inspire others too.

Early this week, I posted a blog post about setting up systems to serve you. If you have a good belief system… a collection of ideas, outlook, habits, and action triggers, you will succeed. The kind of belief system you set up will determine how high you rise and how far you go. To succeed, you have to let go of self limiting beliefs.

Will Smith is one of my favorite actors of all time. You can watch him on a video I posted in January 2009 on the about page of this blog. He said that he believes whole-heartedly that our thoughts, our feelings, our dreams; our ideas are PHYSICAL in the universe. Your belief system WILL manifest itself in your physical life.

I am living testimony that positive thoughts can transform a life. I had reached the depths sheol and did not like it down there. My beliefs and ideas were keeping me down. I tried the positive thinking “nonsense” and it surprisingly made absolute sense to me. I urge you to give it a try my friend. Commit yourself to a complete renewal of your mind through positive thoughts. What you think, you become. What you believe, you get.

Let us look at a few areas of life that a shaky belief system can cost you (and what to do about it).

Finances

• Generosity – What are your thoughts on giving? I have found that the more you give the more it comes back to you. Do not hoard the little you have thinking that you will start giving when you “get there”. Commit a certain percentage of your time and resources for generosity. If you cannot give $10 to your church when you have $100, it is unlikely that you will give them a hundred grand when you make a million.
• Sow and Reap – As a man soweth, so shall he also reap. What kind of seeds are you planting in your life right now? Whether you realize it or not, you are a farmer. You are always planting and harvesting. If you plant an extravagant lifestyle on credit, you will reap massive debt. If you sow an automatic investment strategy, then you will reap compounded returns.
• Don’t work for money – Do you believe that you have to work for money? That is not cool. Let money work for you instead. Don’t rock up to a job you hate every day for the rest of your life just for the paycheck. Find your passion, do what you like to do, not what money makes you do. The irony is that the more you do what you enjoy doing, the more money you will get.
• The quickest path to happiness – I have said previously on this blog that those who say money cannot buy happiness don’t know where to shop. I maintain that view, but let me add something… you can still be happy without spending your money. The quickest path to happiness is contentment.
• Gain Financial Literacy – Do you bury your head in the sand and let your accountant crunch the numbers for you? Do you say that you are not good with numbers or that finance is too complicated? Such a belief system can cost you a fortune. Get busy now and acquire financial literacy. Celebrities who hand over their money to money managers at times end up in the poor house if they do not pay attention to the details of their financial standing.

Career

• Flexible goals – Some people believe that just because their biology teacher said it, they have to become doctors. Just because you were good in math does not mean you should be an accountant. Be flexible and adaptable to changing times and opportunities in your career.
• It may take time to succeed – Career success does not happen overnight. Be prepared to put in the hours, effort and perseverance. Success is normally found just after others give up. Push yourself, don’t give up.
• Formal qualifications are not the “alpha and omega” of career success. You can succeed in a career that you did not earn a degree. I am a graduate in Business (Marketing & Information Systems) but what I do has little to do with what I studied at uni. I know a lot of people who have had career success in what they trained in. I also a lot of others that have succeeded in areas of their passion even though they do not have any formal training.
• Work on your strengths – In school we are taught to focus on our weak areas. To repeat until we get it. But real life is a little different. Work on your strengths instead of wasting your time on what you are not good at. You can always subcontract your weak areas if you find success on what you are good at.
• It is never too late – I recently read a story about a middle aged lady that had gone back to university to study law. She had been running a clothing store for 20 years. She went on to become a successful lawyer. Do not be stuck in a rut for fear of change. As long as you are not six feet underground, you can do whatever you put your mind to.

Relationships

• Treat yourself nice – How you treat and perceive yourself will have a dramatic effect on how others treat you. Think about it, when you meet new people, you treat them according to how they present or express themselves. Put your best foot forward and others will treat you accordingly.
• Relationships are forever – Think of creating win-win situations with others. Whether you are talking with your customers or wife, treat them with respect and set a foundation for an ongoing relationship.
• Birds of a feather – You will be judged by the company you keep. People you surround yourself with can infect you with their enthusiasm for life or their morbid desire for punishment.
• Stereotypes – Do not succumb to stereotyping yourself or others. Take time to listen and learn about others before making sweeping statements.

In Summary

You can do whatever your put your mind to. Your beliefs affect your relationships, your finances, your health and much more. Think positively and constantly re-evaluate your belief system.

Kindly share this article with your friends. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic. For the readers who have supported this blog in the last eight months, I say a big thank you. I appreciate you.

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WHETHER you change your vocation or not, your actions for the present must be those pertaining to the business in which you are now engaged. You can get into the business you want by making constructive use of the business you are already established in; by doing your daily work in a Certain Way. And in so far as your business consists in dealing with other men, whether personally or by letter, the key-thought of all your efforts must be to convey to their minds the impression of increase.

Increase is what all men and all women are seeking; it is the urge of the Formless Intelligence within them, seeking fuller expression.

The desire for increase is inherent in all nature; it is the fundamental impulse of the universe. All human activities are based on the desire for increase; people are seeking more food, more clothes, better shelter, more luxury, more beauty, more knowledge, more pleasure– increase in something, more life.

Every living thing is under this necessity for continuous advancement; where increase of life ceases, dissolution and death set in at once.

Man instinctively knows this, and hence he is forever seeking more. This law of perpetual increase is set forth by Jesus in the parable of the talents; only those who gain more retain any; from him who hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.

The normal desire for increased wealth is not an evil or a reprehensible thing; it is simply the desire for more abundant life; it is aspiration.

And because it is the deepest instinct of their natures, all men and women are attracted to him who can give them more of the means of life.

In following the Certain Way as described in the foregoing pages, you are getting continuous increase for yourself, and you are giving it to all with whom you deal.

You are a creative center, from which increase is given off to all.

Be sure of this, and convey assurance of the fact to every man, woman, and child with whom you come in contact. No matter how small the transaction, even if it be only the selling of a stick of candy to a little child, put into it the thought of increase, and make sure that the customer is impressed with the thought.

Convey the impression of advancement with everything you do, so that all people shall receive the impression that you are an Advancing Man, and that you advance all who deal with you. Even to the people whom you meet in a social way, without any thought of business, and to whom you do not try to sell anything, give the thought of increase.

You can convey this impression by holding the unshakable faith that you, yourself, are in the Way of Increase; and by letting this faith inspire, fill, and permeate every action.

Do everything that you do in the firm conviction that you are an advancing personality, and that you are giving advancement to everybody.

Feel that you are getting rich, and that in so doing you are making others rich, and conferring benefits on all.

Do not boast or brag of your success, or talk about it unnecessarily; true faith is never boastful.

Wherever you find a boastful person, you find one who is secretly doubtful and afraid. Simply feel the faith, and let it work out in every transaction; let every act and tone and look express the quiet assurance that you are getting rich; that you are already rich. Words will not be necessary to communicate this feeling to others; they will feel the sense of increase when in your presence, and will be attracted to you again.

You must so impress others that they will feel that in associating with you they will get increase for themselves. See that you give them a use value greater than the cash value you are taking from them.

Take an honest pride in doing this, and let everybody know it; and you will have no lack of customers. People will go where they are given increase; and the Supreme, which desires increase in all, and which knows all, will move toward you men and women who have never heard of you. Your business will increase rapidly, and you will be surprised at the unexpected benefits which will come to you. You will be able from day to day to make larger combinations, secure greater advantages, and to go on into a more congenial vocation if you desire to do so.

But in doing all this, you must never lose sight of your vision of what you want, or your faith and purpose to get what you want.

Let me here give you another word of caution in regard to motives.

Beware of the insidious temptation to seek for power over other men.

Nothing is so pleasant to the unformed or partially developed mind as the exercise of power or dominion over others. The desire to rule for selfish gratification has been the curse of the world. For countless ages kings and lords have drenched the earth with blood in their battles to extend their dominions; this not to seek more life for all, but to get more power for themselves.

Today, the main motive in the business and industrial world is the same; men marshal their armies of dollars, and lay waste the lives and hearts of millions in the same mad scramble for power over others. Commercial kings, like political kings, are inspired by the lust for power.

Jesus saw in this desire for mastery the moving impulse of that evil world He sought to overthrow. Read the twenty-third chapter of Matthew, and see how He pictures the lust of the Pharisees to be called “Master,” to sit in the high places, to domineer over others, and to lay burdens on the backs of the less fortunate; and note how He compares this lust for dominion with the brotherly seeking for the Common Good to which He calls His disciples.

Look out for the temptation to seek for authority, to become a “master,” to be considered as one who is above the common herd, to impress others by lavish display, and so on.

The mind that seeks for mastery over others is the competitive mind; and the competitive mind is not the creative one. In order to master your environment and your destiny, it is not at all necessary that you should rule over your fellow men and indeed, when you fall into the world’s struggle for the high places, you begin to be conquered by fate and environment, and your getting rich becomes a matter of chance and speculation.

Beware of the competitive mind!! No better statement of the principle of creative action can be formulated than the favorite declaration of the late “Golden Rule” Jones of Toledo: “What I want for myself, I want for everybody.”

About

The Get Rich Series is based on The Science of Getting Rich. It  is a classic book by Wallace D. Wattles. It is a practical manual intended for the men and women whose most pressing need is for money; who wish to get rich first, and philosophize afterward.

Discussion

I would love to hear you ideas and opinion on this chapter. Your comments are highly appreciated.

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Then she smiled some more and asked me a question. I had no choice but to answer her so I opened my mouth. She dropped the DVDs in panic and horror. She thought I was from a horror movie. You see my friend; I had lost two of my front teeth at the accident, but could still pull off a smile – as long as I kept my mouth shut. I was not a pretty sight.

My mean side then took over for the next couple of weeks. I would go from shop to shop in Perth, smiling at shop assistants or other shoppers with my lips sealed. When I was sure they were hooked, I would open my mouth and smile widely. The looks on their faces were Kodak moments that will forever be etched in my memory!

The wonders of modern dentistry were able to restore my normal smile, albeit at a high cost. I enjoy smiling and I hope to inspire you to smile today. Ok go ahead now, smile!

A smile is a facial expression formed by flexing those muscles near both ends of the mouth. A smile can also be found around the eyes. It is an expression of the emotions of pleasure, happiness, or amusement.

I grew up in Kenya where there are 42 tribes each with their own language. No matter what language one speaks in Kenya, or anywhere in the world for that matter, there is a universal power in smiling. You can and should smile, in any language.

I was reminded of the power of smiling after my accident when I lost my ability to have a normal smile. Then a couple of days ago, one of my favorite blog readers, Brenda Njeru mentioned something about smiling. I smiled instantly and decided to write about the power of smiling; hence this blog post.

Brenda said “I have always wondered why people are always smiling at me when I am walking in the streets, only with time did I realize I was the one smiling:)”. How true.

Why Smile?

• Smiling creates a good impression – Companies train their staff to smile in order to make a good impression to their customers. Smiling puts the other person at ease and changes the atmosphere. If you genuinely smile at people, they will like you and treat you much better than if you have a frown or a ’stone face’.

• Smiling changes your emotional state – Smiling makes one happy and content. The physical act of smiling even in difficult times can help improve your emotional state. It can help you light up, relax and be cheerful.

• Smiling makes you more attractive – I can only remember one period in my life that smiling did not make me more attractive (after my accident). Smiling makes people attracted to you because it projects external and internal beauty.

• A smile changes other people’s state – Smiling is contagious. As Brenda experienced, when you smile at others, it makes them smile back at you. Try smiling at a baby and the baby will warm up to you. Try and smile at your partner or colleague and they will smile back at you. Smiling improves the environment for social interaction.

• It is easier to smile than frown – You use more muscles frowning than you do smiling. It takes 43 muscles to frown but only 17 muscles to smile. Take the easy road my friend. Smile today.

• Makes you seem more successful – Smiling helps project an image of satisfaction, contentment and happiness. A confident smile can do wonders for your career or relationships. People like being associated with successful people. Smiling improves your perceived level of success and therefore attracts people to your life.

• Smile-leniency effect – I am not sure how many lawyers or criminals read this blog, but I found something that they may want to investigate further. Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Natural History says “though courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and nonsmilers guilty, they give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the ’smile-leniency effect.’”.

The George Bush Smile

George Bush Smile

Enlightr.com has an article on smiling that talked of a “George Bush Smile”. Here is what the article author had to say:

“President George W. Bush always has a permanent smirk on his face. Ray Birdwhistell found that smiling among middle-class people is most common in Atlanta, Louisville, Memphis, Nashville and most of Texas. Bush is a Texan and they smile more than most other Americans. As a result, in Texas, an unsmiling individual might be asked if he was ‘angry about something’, while in New York, the ’smiler’ might be asked, ‘What’s so funny?’ President Jimmy Carter was also a Southerner who smiled all the time. This worried the Northerners who feared that he knew something they didn’t.”

Be careful who you smile at!

Summary

Count your blessings if you can smile without scaring people away. Use your beautiful smile to put people at ease, to improve your emotional state and make yourself more attractive. However, be careful about who you choose to smile to!

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This is the last blog post on the people series. In this series, we have looked at a few issues that may affect your success or relationships with other people. Today’s blog post is listing of all the blog posts in this series and a brief summary of each.

1. Succeed by Building Others Up

Succeeding by building others up is akin to planting good seeds. You reap what you sow. If you do a good job for others it will come back to you. If you focus on providing exceptional value to others, you will build them up and eventually it will get back to you.

2. How to Bring Out the Best in People

You can bring out the best in people by making them feel good about themselves. People will often forget what you say to them, but few forget how you make them feel. You can make people feel better by being genuinely interested in them, expecting the best from them and accepting them for whom they are.

Most people do not take criticism very well. It is better to avoid criticizing people and instead provide them with a soft landing even when they make mistakes. People are different; listening to them helps gain an understanding that can help you bring out the best in them.

3. A Magic Word Called Empathy

Empathy means sharing in another person’s feelings and emotions. It means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Having an emotional barometer means being in tune with the changes in moods, feelings and circumstances of others. Without understanding each others’ emotional states, it is hard to communicate and move along in harmony.

4. Show Me Your Friends

Show me your friends and I will tell you what kind of person you are. The company you keep reflects on you. Birds of a feather flock together. People assume you are just like the people you hang out with. Have you ever done an audit of the kind of people you allow into your space?

Your friends will have a very important impact on your thought pattern, ambition and rate of progress. Associate with people who are positive and get rid of people who pull you down.

5. Are You Addicted to Hot Juicy Gossip?

Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.  Many people love gossip.

The problem with surrounding yourself with “gossip friends” is that they rarely talk positive things about anything or anyone. They are always looking to tear others instead of building them up. Their main focus on life is negative thoughts, words and situations. They delight in misfortune and peddle the spirit of fear.

Gossip permeates through different aspects of life. People are fascinated by gossip, both men and women. People love gossip, be it celebrity gossip, social or office gossip. Gossip serves as a form of entertainment and is very enticing.

You should however ask yourself what kind of impact gossip has and control how much of it you let into your life. Avoid gossip if it seriously impacts on your success.

6. The Curse of Conformity

Many people do not realize that by trying to conform to social conditioning, we may be unknowingly limiting our success.

People who are just like everyone else end up becoming invisible. Something remarkable is worth talking about, worth paying attention to.

You become remarkable by daring to be different. You become remarkable by stepping up your game. If you do things the same as everyone else, you will get the same results. I encourage you to find your angle. Bring something different to the table. Do not conform to what everyone else does, especially in business and careers. Be remarkable. Dare to be different. Be the best you can be.

7. We are One but we are Many – Race & Racism

Racism is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and those racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. We are all part of the human family and we should focus more on what brings us together instead of what divides us. We are one but we are many.

Ignorance is the cause of racism. Do something today to shun intolerance by learning something positive about people from a different race or part of the world or country. It is the small steps towards accepting diversity that will help us rise above mediocrity and usher in an era of social justice and success.

8. Meet Invisible People

It is easy to ignore people who are different or who rank lower than us in our professions. The meet invisible people blog post looked at scenarios and example of how people ignore others in life. It is good to acknowledge or appreciate those “invisible” people around us.

9. Stuff Positive People Like

A lot has been written about stuff white people like and stuff black people like. Many of the people reading this blog are positive people so I thought of creating a list of stuff positive people like. It is good to have a laugh at ourselves every now and again.

10. A Winning Contacts Building Strategy

You will need other people in order to reach the apex of your success. Call it standing on the shoulders of giants or what you may. Contacts building strategies are vital for the upwardly mobile. A winning contacts building strategy focuses on quality & sustainability not just numbers for the sake of numbers.

Focus on building contacts that you can get something from, as well as offer them something. Think not what your contacts can do for you, but what you can do for your contacts.

Next Series

That marks the end of the people series. We looked at some human relations issues that have the potential of influencing our success.

The next series will focus on the mind. We shall look at how we can sharpen our minds, and use our minds as tools for our success. The new series will look at issues like concentration, thoughts, mind maps, sparkling creativity, power of imagination and much more. I look forward to your visits and hope that I will be able to inspire you to be the best you can be by utilizing the immense power of your mind for success.

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Win Win Strategy

Focus on building contacts that you can get something from, as well as offer them something. Think not what your contacts can do for you, but what you can do for your contacts.

Personal Branding

Let your reputation precede you. If people hear about you before hand from a trusted friend or associate, they are more likely to be receptive to you and your ideas. Think of how you want to be perceived by potential contacts and stick with that image in your communication, grooming, speech and mannerisms.

Investment Mindset

Think of contacts as an investment. Think of how you can benefit from each other over the long term. Work on solidifying your relationship over time. Follow up with your contacts regularly providing value or friendship. Do not just approach your contacts when you need something from them. Let the power of compounding work in your favor.

Common Ground

Find a common ground with your contacts. Find something that you and they like besides what you want from them. You may find common ground in social groups, mutual friends, sports, current events, shared values, shared heritage etc. This may give you an edge at a most unexpected point in life.

Appreciation

People love to be recognized and appreciated. If one of your contacts does something significant or worth talking about, say thank you. Follow up with a note or a phone call. Recognize them publicly for their efforts if appropriate.

Do not be Desperate.

A wise old lady once told me that desperation is a foul smelling cologne. If people perceive you as too quick to grab their name or business card for selfish reasons they will shun you. Position yourself as someone worth knowing.

Patience

It may take a long time for your contacts building strategy to materialize. Do not give up. Everything comes to those who wait. If you are good at what you do, word of mouth will eventually pay off. Be patient and your contacts building strategy will pay healthy dividends.

Learn to Set Boundaries

Not everyone needs to be in your address book. Do not just take people’s business cards because they have been printed. Cherry pick the right sort of contacts for you. Without boundaries you would waste time that could be better spent enhancing the quality of your existing contacts.

All the best in your contacts building strategies.

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I know the feeling. I know how it feels to be treated like I was imperceptible to the naked eye. We all have people we do not notice. Not because we do not like them, not because we do not value them, but because they are not in our area of focus. It is a good idea to tune your mind to notice the previously invisible people.

Invisible Children

When two couple’s meet they may introduce themselves as: “This is my husband John or this is my wife Anne”. And the other couple may do the same. Meanwhile the kids in tow are looking up waiting for their turn to be introduced. They wait and wait until they hear the parents say “It was nice to meet you, let’s keep in touch. Bye for now”. Oops invisible children ignored.

Invisible Friends

I hope you have never been to a party where someone greets everyone else but you. I have seen beautiful girls walking with a less stunning girlfriend; the guys almost always ignore the less stunning friend. That friend may suddenly get impatient or want to go elsewhere. The other girls (and guys giving them attention) would then wonder … “why do you want to go” … we are having so much fun! What a shame.

Next time you are in a social gathering, please pay attention to the person that other people ignore. Chances are you will make their day if you say hello and show interest in them. Try and make someone feel special.

Invisible Workers

Many workers, especially those doing low level jobs are often ignored. Do you know the name of the security guy at your office? How about the cleaner? Do you ever smile or talk to people you consider below your rank at work?

When I first came to Australia, I had a part time job as a cleaner and supermarket trolley collector.  To have fun in the chilly winters, I would make bets with myself to try and guess whether or not the person getting off the car would notice me. It was shocking how many times I got it right. Almost in all cases people would walk past me like I was not there. I am actually surprised that nobody ever bumped into me.

If you have been blessed with a good position in life or are fairly fortunate, try and be empathetic to others around you, especially invisible workers. You might just make someone’s day. You never know whether you might one day need that person.

After the supermarket job my cleaning agency employer transferred me to a building right in the city of Perth, Western Australia. This building housed one of the biggest law firms in the city.

Many of the lawyers were busy people and they worked incredible number of hours. They were often still in the office at 9pm when I finished work. I would move from cubicle to cubicle with my vacuum cleaning machine and even with all that noise, the lawyers were always oblivious to my presence.

However there was one senior partner in the firm. He almost always motioned me to switch off the vacuum cleaner as soon as I got into his office. He would ask me about the courses I was taking at the university, and ask me questions about Kenya. He knew the Kenyan legal system and tried to school me in all matters law. He was also very interested in the nascent Kenyan Community in Western Australia and was keen on taking an African safari with his wife.

Then one day as I was going home, after emptying the bins at the basement, this senior partner came up to me and told me that he had lost a very important document that he had no copy of. He suspected correctly that he had put it in the bin. I looked at the big green bin with all the rubbish from all those lawyers and thought to myself, “you must be kidding!”

I remembered how this guy had made me feel important and appreciated as a person. Then I saw him roll up his sleeves and started helping me sift through the pile of mainly paper rubbish. We rummaged through the bin together until we found the document he wanted. He thanked me profusely and as I went home that day, I reflected on the action of that senior partner. I said a small prayer for him and wondered how comes others who were under him at the law firm were so snobbish. It was a good lesson for me in human relations and humility.

Below is a snippet from the Desiderata written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

Invisible Hussein in Kenya

Long before he became the most powerful man on earth, Barrack Hussein Obama had gone to Kenya, the land of his father and met up with his sister. At a leading Nairobi restaurant, the duo tried to get served but they were too invisible to the restaurant staff. He was shocked that his meal would be delayed while the other tourists got expedited service complete with smiles.

Years later, he was well received by jubilant crowds when he visited as a US senator. A local beer was even named after him. But even then, when he criticized how the country was being run, the Kenyan government spokesman dismissed him as “an ignorant junior senator from Illinois”. Of course when he won the presidency, that same government celebrated by calling a national holiday because invisible Hussein was now the light of the world. Talk of hypocrisy.

Genuine Love for People

To be successful and happy, you have to learn to love people. You need to be attuned to the emotional states of others. Whether they are going to help you or not. Whether they are ranked above you or way below. If you genuinely love people, you will make more friends and be able to influence people.

William James said “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”. Think of creative ways of appreciating those around you.  You may not necessarily gain something by being nice to someone previously invisible to you, but if you do it often enough, you will become a better person and a blessing to others.

Try and notice a previously invisible person today. Expand your comfort zone. Make a new friend. You never know what that friendship might bring tomorrow.

Invisible Blogging

This blog is still new. It is still invisible to many people that could be inspired by it. I really appreciate people who have been posting comments. Thank you so much, you have given me the motivation to continue blogging. You are my true inspiration and I encourage you to keep posting your comments and sharing this blog with your friends on email, Facebook and any other places people meet online.

We may never meet in person but I hope the inspiration from this blog will be visible in your life.

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The Fear of Commitment

I am committed to rise above mediocrity this year. This means that I have to fight my fear of commitment. I want to fight the fear of commitment, overcome it and harness its power. I encourage you to take a step of faith with me and tap onto this amazing power to get ahead in life too.

A commitment is an act or quality of voluntarily taking on or fulfilling obligations. The obligation might be feeding your family, posting to your blog, loving your boyfriend or girlfriend, pursuing your dream, making repayments to your car loan etc.

Many people like “testing the waters” but not really committing to anything. I was afraid of starting this blog for a long time because of the fear of commitment and the fear of failure. You may have the fear of commitment stopping you from doing what you love. Your fear of commitment could you holding you down my friend.

I decided to start this blog and commit to posting at least 300 blog posts this year. That is almost a post everyday and it takes real commitment to stick with that. I have sabotaged myself in the past; financially, socially, spiritually and in relationships because of fearing to commit. You may have done the same in your life. I want to fight this demon this year, publicly and win convincingly. I hope to inspire you to do the same in your life.

According to Wikipedia, the fear of commitment normally refers to avoidance of long-term partnership and/or marriage but the problem is often much more pervasive, affecting school, work, and home life as well. The fear of commitment is also called commitmentphobia. Commitmentphobia is based on fear — fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. Many commitmentphobics become fantasy-driven, using their active imaginations to fill in for the lack of emotional security and closeness in their lives.

Commitmentphobic types are most likely to draw up fancy business plans but never start a business because they fear their commitment to it would wane over time. Commitmentphobics are also prone to self-destructive behavior, such as walking out on partners or jobs without notice, leaving themselves and the people in their lives in untenable situations. Commitmentphobia is a real disabling fear that can manifest in many areas of life, including career, home ownership, or even shoe shopping. This fear can turn simple every day decisions into a tremendous burden.

You need to cast away your burdens and travel light to success. We shall look at the fear of commitment in detail and devise a way for you and me to keep this monster at bay, before it bays for our blood.

Commitment Period

To leverage the power of commitment, you need to understand that commitment is all about time. The commitment period means the period between the start and end dates of whatever you are committing to undertake. Marriage is a commitment between the wedding date and death of either spouse. A loan is a commitment to repay money borrowed within a specific period of time. Defaulting means not meeting that obligation and attracts a penalty.

You do not want to default on your commitments. That will cause pain, disappointment, and missed opportunities. Decide if you have it in you to commit to your goal for the required period. Do not undertake to a venture, cause, project without an exit strategy and specific timelines. If dealing with people let them understand how long your commitment stretches.

Serial Monogamy

Let us borrow from the animal kingdom on this one, with the help of Wikipedia. In animal sexuality, serial monogamy often means that an animal will have a different, but exclusive, breeding partner each mating season. Generally, any animals that do not mate with one partner for life can be considered serially monogamous, including those who find a second mate only upon the death of the first.

I find this concept fascinating. It is great to be exclusively  focused (monogamous) on one goal, finish it then move on to the next goal. When pursuing your current dream, avoid distractions. Do not cheat on your dream; be real faithful until it is accomplished. Once you accomplish your dream, feel free to get back on the “dating game” and find another dream, but while at it be fully committed to it.

Involuntary Commitment

You may be forced by the government, employer, or circumstances to undertake a particular commitment involuntarily. For example, if you are married and your partner is retrenched, you have to be committed to help them out financially and support them emotionally. Involuntary commitments are not fun; Find something in you to motivate you to do it otherwise you might end up very unhappy.

Commitment Preparation

If the commitment you are undertaking is voluntary, you must prepare for it. I prepared for the commitment to blog almost daily by learning all I could about blogging and listening to tapes, reading books, journals and other blogs in the area of personal development.

Do not set out to the high seas without a plan. Plan in detail how you are going to achieve your goals and map how you are going to get to your destination.

Cost of Commitment

Most people fear commitment because they think it reduces their options in life. But the real cost of the fear of commitment is inaction. If you have a need for intimacy and a long term relationship and run away from someone because of fear, you will experience the loss of intimacy and cause pain to the other person. If you are afraid to buy a house because you think they are so expensive and you don’t want to commit to a mortgage, you will end up paying more in future because of your delay. It is the same with opportunities and career moves.

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