In 1998, a smart guy by the name Goleman made some claims about Emotional Intelligence that helped people understand why Mike will be more successful than Robert. He said that emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognize one’s own feelings, and those of others, for motivating oneself, and for managing his or her emotions and relationships.

The National US Department of Labor carried out a survey that showed that corporations are increasingly listing emotional intelligence as a primary criterion in the hiring process. More companies world over are paying closer attention to emotional intelligence as a way of boosting profits. Many companies spend time and money training employees on how to be more emotionally intelligent in order to boost productivity.

IQ is no longer the only determinant for success in life or in the workplace. Goleman and others have made people dig deeper in all issues emotional, and their relationship with success. The good thing about emotional intelligence is that it is not fixed at birth. Parents, individuals and Robert can plant the right seeds to grow their emotional intelligence.

Self Awareness

The first step of improving your emotional intelligence is by understanding yourself and how you currently deal with emotions. You need to be self aware, recognize patterns and feelings in your life. You need to understand how emotions influence who you are, how you react, and how you relate to other people.

Emotions are the gateway to souls. Emotions such as fear, optimism, love, happiness and pride affect our performance and output in life. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. Being aware of your emotions and how they affect you and others is a verified first step and determinant for success.

You can begin understanding your emotional state by taking note of your feelings, their causes and your reactions. Then develop the ability to detect emotions in faces, pictures, voices of others. Understanding your emotions and those of others is a basic aspect of emotional intelligence.

Harnessing Emotions

The second way of boosting your emotional intelligence is by harnessing your emotions to think about and act to meet your objectives. From our example above, Mike is more emotionally intelligent than Robert.  Mike capitalizes on his changing moods and feelings to get ahead in life. Robert reacts to situation without being aware of his influencing emotions. He does not see them coming, and neither does he plan around his changing moods. Note that they both experience the same emotions, but Mike chooses to manage his emotions better. Robert may allow fear to paralyze him, but Mike sees fear as a sign to change, improve or secure his position, and take positive actions.

Mike understands that emotions are not static, they evolve over time. He understands his emotions and those of his colleagues and employer at work. He is able to plan his meetings and interaction to take advantage of his emotional state and those of others. He is a master of reading tone variation and facial expressions of others. His emotional intelligence serves him well at work and in life.

Emotional Intelligence Tests

There are many emotional intelligence tests that you can take online such as this one. Emotional Intelligence tests (EI-Q tests) helps in revealing things about how one handles emotions. If Mike and Robert did the same test, their answers would reveal their differences in the ability to deal with emotions.

The EI-Q tests would also help them understand their areas of strength in mood control, dealing with obstacles, and empathy. I highly recommend doing an emotional intelligence test for my blog readers. EI-Q tests help in evaluating various aspects of your emotional intelligence and may suggest ways of improving your weak areas.

You can also work with a mentor to help you improve your emotional intelligence. Many companies invest in emotional intelligence mentors to help employees boost their EI.

There are many emotional intelligence training companies many of them specializing in training leaders and managers. There are many emotional intelligence certification programs that provide training and mentoring for EI. Such certification and training helps in increasing personal and professional effectiveness.

Summary

Even if you do not have the budget for a mentor or formal emotional intelligence certification, the following tips will surely help you boost your EI-Q.

• Realize the importance of emotional intelligence in your life and career.
• Understand your current emotional state and feelings. Learn to detect how emotions originate and morph in your life.
• Understand the emotions of others and learn how to read the signs of the emotional feelings of others by listening to them, watching them and interpreting their words and actions.
• Harness emotions, both positive emotions and negative emotions to meet your desired goals.
• Develop empathy – Develop your ability to put yourself in the shoes of others, to understand how they feel, and react accordingly.
• Take an emotional intelligence test and improve on your weak areas.

Stay tuned for the next series, coming to you soon.

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Like clutter in the house, negative emotions take up space and are not attractive. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. To be the best you need to get rid of negative emotions. Today we look at various classes of negative emotions, their effects and how to get rid of them.

Dignity and Self Respect

There are many negative emotions associated with dignity and self esteem. If you feel that people have disrespected you or unjustly criticized you, you need to forgive and let go of the anger. Do not give much airtime in your mind to people who disrespect you or insult you. Carrying the emotions of inferiority and insults will hurt your self confidence. Do not feel worthless because someone disrespected you. Understand your own value, love yourself and do not let anyone mock you or humiliate you.

Loss of dignity and self respect reduce the quality of life and prevents us from forming healthy relationships. Seek to transform negative emotions such as criticism and disrespect into positives.

Freedom and Control

To succeed in life, you need to be in control of your destiny. You need to be free to do what your heart desires without being bossed around or being emotionally manipulated by others. If you have feelings of restriction, inhibition, entrapment, and powerlessness you need to focus more on regaining your freedom and control of your life.

Emotional blackmail, entrapment and powerlessness lead to rebellion. You need to be able to spot the signs and get rid of circumstances that rob you of your freedom and control.

Love and Connection

 We all have the need to be loved and to connect with others. You may feel lonely or deprived of deep and meaningful connection with others. You may feel abandoned, ignored, invisible or insignificant. The trick is to understand yourself and not look for validation from outside but from within.

Do not be discouraged, find your passion and do what you love. Attract like minded fellows and form bonds of friendships with them. Seek to understand others then to be understood, not the other way round. Support others and they will in turn support you. Get rid of feelings of rejection by accepting yourself and others.

Reach out to others and care for others. Give and it will come back to you. Love and you will be loved back. Forgive and you will find forgiveness. Make other people feel good about themselves. Be slow to criticize and quick to complement.

Truth and Justice

We all seek the truth and fairness. Emotions of being lied to or getting a raw deal are negative and manifest themselves in many areas of life. Nobody wants to be lied to, falsely accused or misled. Surround yourself with positive people who will not lead you on the wrong path.

Safety and Trust

The fear of betrayal is a negative emotion that can be expensive and detrimental to human relationships. If you find yourself overly guarded or skeptical, it may be an indication that you are untrusting or suspicious about the intentions of others. These are negative emotions that may be a sign that you need to re-evaluate your relationships or change your attitude.

Summary

 There are many negative emotions that relate to dignity, freedom, love, truth and safety. To be able to enjoy success we must get rid of negative emotions. Negative emotions are toxic. They can poison the bearer, friends and family. Getting rid of negative emotions one by one is a worthwhile exercise.

What negative emotions have you experienced lately? How do you get rid of negative emotions? What are the most dangerous negative emotions according to you? What tips can you offer about transforming negative emotions into positive ones? I would love to hear from you. Please post your comments.

I had 2 weeks to go before my final uni exams. At a time when I needed to be absolutely focused, I lost my concentration. I lost my drive, I lost my appetite. Hey, I realize that men are not supposed to talk about this kind of stuff. But between you and me, let us say that the pain of a breakup does not easily walk away. It can be an impediment for success so we shall talk about it frankly. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. That includes being free from the pain of heartache and being well equipped to handle such pain.

The pain of heartbreak is often said to be indescribable. It can lead to anxiety attacks, loss of appetite, partial or complete insomnia, anger or shock. Heart break leads to nostalgia and feelings of loneliness. It plays mind games with one’s self-esteem and could lead to depression. In some cases, heartbreak causes nausea, fatigue, feelings of emptiness and even death.

I came up with a list of 10 strategies to cope with that pain. I would love to hear your comments and extra suggestions of how to get through the pain.

1)      Forgiveness – No matter what the reason for the break up, you need to let go of anger. You need to forgive yourself and forgive the person whom you broke up with.

2)      Counseling – If you can afford it, or if the situation calls for it, seek professional help or find someone whom you can trust and who can help you ease the pain. Two heads are better than one.

3)      Acceptance - Avoid being in denial. If it is over, it is over. Thinking that things will go back to normal when they are clearly not going to, only exacerbates the pain.

4)      People – Surround yourself with positive people. Try and see the good in people, do not spend too much time alone.

5)      Healing – Allow yourself time for grieving. Then focus on healing the pain. Do what works for you to mend your heart.

6)      Honesty – Be honest with yourself about the pain. What caused the pain? What caused the breakup? You can write down your thoughts, and perhaps create a journal of what you did, what your partner did, what went wrong etc.

7)      Immersion - Immerse yourself fully in a new subject matter. Perhaps join a club, a church or start playing a sport. Get active. Find something to distract you.

8)      Learn – Get busy. Learn something new, learn a language, visit a new place, learn about yourself, fiil your mind with new stuff.

9)      Time - The best medicine for heartbreak is time, time and time. Time heals all heartbreaks. Allow yourself time to moan and time to heal. As the wise teacher said, there is a time for everything. A time to meet someone and a time to break up. There is a time to moan and a time to get over it. Do not rush time or try to turn the clock of time.

10)  Music and Literature – There are so many songs about heartbreaks, love and commitment. Choose your media carefully and enjoy it fully. Get a collection of inspiring songs, movies, poems, books or blogs to give you solace.

Summary

The pain of a break up is real. It can impact negatively on personal and/or professional development. It is good to learn coping strategies.

If you have suggestions of how to cope with heartbreak, please share with us. If you have songs to help ease the pain, poems or blogs please feel free to share.

Go forth and find love my friends!

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the ability to share in another person’s emotional state. It means putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. Empathy does not mean changing your emotional state to be a duplicate of another person’s emotional state. It does not mean pitying or being compassionate. It means trying to understand where they are coming from.

Why Empathy Matters

Empathy helps you connect with people deeply. Empathy helps avoid conflict and increase mutual respect. Empathy helps you succeed with people.

If you understand how a person is feeling, you are better able to adjust your words or behavior to avoid confrontation or upsetting that person. Without empathy, a parent would not instinctively cover their baby when the temperature drops to a lower level than the baby is able to handle. Without empathy, you would be cracking dirty jokes to people who have just received sad news. Without empathy, you would be on Facebook chatting while your employer scratches his head wondering who he is going to fire.

Emotional Barometer

One thing that I have learned to add to my success arsenal is an emotional barometer. I am still developing this aspect of my life and for good reason.

You need to have a way of tracking the emotional states of those around you. Your success is determined by what goes on in your mind, as well as the people around you. You may have everything going for you but if you are not in tune with other people’s emotions, you may not achieve some goals.

You need to know when people are happy, confident, afraid, disappointed, excited, sad, jealous or negative. Many people I have met have emotional roller coasters though some try to hide it. You need to become adept at telling how a person is really feeling at any moment in time.

People are different and even one person’s emotional state may change with the flick of a switch. If you do not have a good barometer, you may find yourself saying the wrong thing. You may be caught up in the inertia of the previous emotion. A statement that could have been funny a minute ago could cost you a friendship depending on the person’s new emotional state.

Empathy Baby Steps

Emotion is said to be the first language that children learn. Children will attempt to comfort a fellow crying baby showing that they are born empathetic. You were born to have empathy and you can hone it as a skill for success using the power of baby steps.

The more time you spend with someone, the more it is likely that you will understand their emotional state. If understanding someone’s emotional state does not come naturally for you, do not despair. You can practice the skill over time. All you need is to be aware you are developing a new skill. Then start practicing reading people’s emotions and adjusting your words and behavior to suit the situation. Within no time you will become a master of empathy.

Empathy in Practice

You can apply empathy in relationships, friendships, business, and careers and even in blogging. I have to put myself in your shoes to be able to communicate my ideas clearly and inspire you to be the best you can be. It is not always easy but I hope to become better at it with time.

In your human relationships, work on developing a good emotional barometer of the person or people around you. Without understanding each others’ emotional states, it is hard to communicate and move along in harmony.

In business, you need to be empathetic to the emotional states of your customers. Why do customers buy Harley Davidson motorcycles? It is for the sense of belonging to the club. Understand the motivation behind your customers and stakeholders. Understand your customers’ emotional states in various situations, seasons or state of the economy.

Think of ways you can be more in tune with the emotional state of someone today. Go ahead and work on your emotional barometer.