One of the main reasons for starting this blog is for me to learn ways of aligning my career and activities with the spirit of giving. I want to use my God given talents, life experiences, success and failures to inspire you to be the best that you can be. I have my reasons for doing this and I will share them with you shortly. But first I will share with you a short story from my growing up days in Kenya.

There was a lovely family that lived a few blocks from our house. We were relatively good friends and one day, my sister and I went there for a visit. We had a fabulous time, stayed there all afternoon and even had dinner there. When it came time to go we said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. Unfortunately as soon as we walked out, it started raining cats and dogs. We walked back to the house and stood outside the door where we could see everyone inside. It was dark outside and all bright inside. We did not realize it at the time, but our friends could not see us. We watched in disbelief as they tore into our family demonizing us left right and centre. I was shell shocked, how could these people, people we regarded as friends speak such malicious evil? Right after we had such a great time with them?

It is unfortunate that many people will laugh with you, dine with you and then talk nasty behind your back. You probably do that yourself from time to time. I have done it too. It is not a good thing and if we are to rise above mediocrity, we must shun that kind of behavior. It is tempting to bring people down when we are threatened by them. It is easy to want to bring people down if we think they are rising up too fast and leaving us behind.

In Australia, we call it the Tall Poppy Syndrome. Tall Poppy Syndrome is resentment of others’ success. It is something that we need to be aware of and shun as we seek success. If you are planning to be successful, you need to be aware that there are people who will try and bring you down. If you are trying to be successful, spare you energy and focus on what will make you successful instead of wasting time and energy resenting others.

Bringing people down through negative comments and thoughts only hinders your own success. It is a natural trait that we have as humans to want to bring others down, but you should deliberately change this natural urge to a more empowering mindset. The way to do this is by intentionally wanting, wishing and working for the success of others. When others succeed, instead of being jealous, you will be very happy and proud of yourself. It is even better if you can tie your own success to the success of others.

How can you succeed by building others up?

Someone pointed out that I gave an example that drug dealers also provide value to their customers. While it is true that drug dealers provide value in the short term, they ultimately destroy the lives of those same customers. You need to be able to decide how you are going to build others up through your efforts, and whether it is short term or long term. My approach is to focus on how to build others up in the long term.

One of the most successful men in the world today is Bill Gates. I have massive respect for him for his dream, vision, and work of bringing personal computers to the desktops of ordinary families. His company, Microsoft, has been instrumental in building millions of people up by creating software and helping make the PC affordable.

For you to build others up, you have to want it, visualize it and take action. If you are currently thinking of starting a career, you can choose a career that will have a lot of positive impact on others. For example, I was talking to a brilliant engineer friend who wants to use her engineering knowledge to build solar panels and other environmentally friendly solutions. Such an endeavor will help build not just the current generation up, but also future generations.

Succeeding by building others up is akin to planting good seeds. You reap what you sow. If you do a good job for others it will come back to you. For example, if you work hard for your employer and help him achieve his objectives, he may be able to stay in business longer and maybe even give you a pay rise. Whatever your job is, you can do more to improve the fortune of your employer. Do not just do just enough to save your job, go beyond your call of duty to deliver exceptional value.

Building other’s up means that you are self confident about your situation and prospects in life. It means you are grateful for what you have and have a generous spirit to share. This is very important for your success. The more grateful you are, the more success you will attract in your life.

Succeeding by building others up is the most sustainable way of succeeding. If I work really hard to write great articles that will change your life, you are most likely going to keep coming back for more and maybe invite your friends to this site. It is the same in business and other areas of life. If you build other people up, they will be happy with you and spread the word on your behalf saving you big bucks in advertising costs.

Can you succeed if you do not build others up?

Yes you can succeed by being selfish and by destroying other people. Drug dealers do succeed by destroying the long term lives of their customers but that kind of success is not sustainable. Sooner or later it catches up with them.

As Bob Marley used to sing “You can fool some people sometimes, and you can fool some people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time”. It is the same with success, you can succeed sometimes by bringing people down, but you cannot succeed all the time by bringing people down.

An Example of Success through Building Others Up

I love teachers, maybe it has something to do with my dad having been a teacher and the fact that my sister is a teacher. Last Sunday in church they played a video of a dinner discussion between a lawyer and a teacher. As much as I love lawyers too, I thought this video will be a good example of how someone can succeed by building others up. Teachers do an amazing job and we can all learn from them.

Video Transcript

By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

He says the problem with teachers is, “What’s a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”
He reminds the other dinner guests that it’s true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it’s also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we’re eating, after all, and this is polite company.

“I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor,” he says.
“Be honest. What do you make?”

And I wish he hadn’t done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won’t I let you get a drink of water?
Because you’re not thirsty, you’re bored, that’s why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven’t called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, “Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don’t you?”
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

Summary

No matter what you do in life, whether you are a teacher or a lawyer, a cleaner or a business man, you can succeed by building others up. Find what others need and give them exceptional value. Always ask yourself, “what can I do to build this person or people up?”.

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Attitude Towards Discipline

Many people associate discipline with punishment. When growing up children learn that if they do not do what their parents or teachers want, they will be punished in some way. So they develop an uncanny ability to do just enough to avoid punishment. That ability becomes the genesis of mediocrity.

It is shocking how many people are like that. It is a negative trait that is honed overtime. To rise above mediocrity, you must change your attitude towards discipline.

Discipline means getting more out of yourself and giving your best towards your goal. Think of discipline as a surefire way of getting to your success. Learn to associate discipline with success not punishment.

If you are productive today, then slack off tomorrow, you will only get minimal results. Be disciplined everyday for the best results in your life.

Discipline Training

You can be trained or train yourself to be progressively more disciplined. If you can only concentrate at your job for 1 hour, try and add an extra half an hour. If you become comfortable with that, keep increasing the period until you get full concentration.

The best way to be disciplined is to learn how to set boundaries. Learn to say no to distractions from your goal. It may mean that you will not answer your phone when “in the working zone“. It may mean denying yourself some pleasures or finer things in life or set a limit to your sleeping hours.

Without boundaries, you will just go with the “flow”. Discipline is about taking deliberate action towards your goal not just going with the flow. Define what consists work or actions towards your goal, stick with it and eliminate all else.

Multitasking wastes time especially when switching from one task to another. Progressively train yourself to be more disciplined by  focusing fully on the task at hand.

Practical Discipline Examples

• Physical Health & Fitness – Be disciplined in taking care of your body. Do not just set new years resolutions in January to keep fit then forget it as the year progresses. Discipline means carrying on with your resolutions even when your emotional state has changed. Eat right and keep a regular exercise routine.

• Work – Many people do just enough not to get fired. The average office worker is productive for only half the time they are in the office. Research has shown that many workers spend time in idle socializing, checking email, reading news and other activities not directly related to their job. Set yourself apart by being more disciplined. Improve your productivity, work the required hours everyday and give your best.

• Financial Freedom – Many people read financial freedom books or attend seminars and resolve to change their financial future. But after the dust settles, they get back to the old habits. Financial freedom is a long road, expect to get bored or tired as you go along. Put in place automated systems, e.g. regular savings to help you carry on. Watch the small dollar bills regularly even as you aim for the the big bucks.

• Home & Family – Be disciplined in the amount of time you spend with your family. Be disciplined in taking action and responsibilities at home even when the going gets tough.

• Mind – Keep training your mind, feed it positive thoughts regularly, visit positive websites like this one, regularly. Train your mind to think outside the box. Keep learning new ideas and develop mental strength by stepping out of your comfort zone. Do this regularly.

• Time Management – We only have 24 hours in a day. Learn how to prioritize your activities and stick to a schedule. Do not take on more than you can chew, but when you commit to something, find the most time effective way of following through. If time management does not come naturally for you, train yourself to be more time conscious, productive and/or learn how to delegate.

Summary

Work towards your goal even when the going gets tough.  You will achieve a lot in your life if you stick to your mission day in day out. Don’t keep on falling in and out of love with your passion.

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Whether in business or social situations, people take an average of 3 seconds to evaluate and rank others. If someone perceives you to be of lower status than them, they will treat you with indifference, disdain or outright hostility. If you are perceived to be of higher status, you will be accorded respect, adoration, mild worship and regarded as a valuable contact.

In relationships, people struggle and stress about making a good first impression; and for good reason. The first few seconds of a couple meeting can be the deal maker or deal breaker. It can mean the difference between going north and going south. There are tricks from the seduction community that seem to work like a charm, but long term relationships are by and large determined by those first seconds.

An interview panel is likely to judge a book by its cover as soon as the interviewee walks in. Many people decide at a glance if they are going to do business with you or not. What you say after they see you might not really make them change their mind. It is sad but true. We can sit back and moan this fact or we can rise up and do something about it. Let us look at a few ways of making those 3 seconds count.

1 – Smile

Richard Branson was once called the “grinning pullover”. He is a happy fellow who smiles a lot more than his fellow billionaire Donald Trump.

Smiling quickly puts people at ease. It is an easy way of improving the first impression. Smiling makes one look more attractive. Attractive people have an easier time attracting attention. Smile and make people attentive.

2 – Be Yourself

Have you seen the movie “Meet the Parents”? If you have you probably know how awkward it looks when someone is trying to put on an act when faced by unfamiliar situations.

If you can help it, be yourself. Let people see the real you. If you find yourself trying to change yourself to fit in, ask yourself the following questions.

• Is it worth it for me to put on a front?
• Am I hanging out with the wrong people?
• Is there a better way of reaching my goals without being a fake?
• What do I need to change for me to fit in naturally?
• Who am I? What do I represent?

3 – Always on Time

If you mean business do not be late for meetings. It leaves a sour taste in the mouths of those you keep waiting. Being on time will add a few points and being late will subtract the little goodwill you might have had.

Do your best to respect other people’s time. Plan in advance. Schedule meetings and set reminders. Develop a reputation of being a good time manager. If you are currently not good with time, start small. Be early for your next meeting, then the next, and then the next one. With time, that will become a habit and come to you effortlessly.

4 – Presentation

How you present yourself to others will dramatically influence how they view you. Personal grooming and lifestyle have a big impact on first impressions.

A few years ago, I hailed a taxi on St George’s Terrace in Perth, Western Australia. I was wearing an Italian business suit that would have made tailors in Italy proud of me.

The taxi driver stopped and took me around town as I handled my business. I felt like Tom Cruise in the movie “Collateral”. The only difference was that my weapon of choice was sharp dressing and good presentation.

The taxi driver looked at me for 3 seconds and instantly trusted me. He drove me around and a few times I left his taxi to go to my marathon appointments around town. He patiently waited in the car with nothing more than my promise to be back. I got back and gave him a healthy tip.

The next day was a Friday. I went to Northbridge, Western Australia with a couple of my Kenyan friends. After a few hours of clubbing we got tired and tried to catch a taxi home. All the taxis zoomed past us, completely ignoring us. It sure felt different from the previous day’s treatment.

Finally one taxi drive stopped, looked at us for 3 seconds and demanded money upfront which is not the norm in Western Australia. You see my friend; here we were three black guys dressed in jeans and T-Shirts in Northbridge on a Friday night. We looked “suspicious”. Are you “suspicious” looking? Do you hang out in “suspicious” places?

5 – Preparation

People will brand you with what you present to them the first time you meet. You may have an arsenal of personality traits. What trait do you choose to bring to the table today? Preparation can help you adapt your personality traits for the situation. This does not mean being fake. It means choosing what side of you to emphasize.

If you are going for meetings you need to prepare and do your part. Nothing makes someone look unprofessional like lack of preparation. You have been warned.

6 – Confidence

The way you walk, the way you talk and present yourself is impacted by your level of confidence. Seek to develop your self confidence. It will make a big difference in how you interact with others and how they perceive you.

 Even the way you shake people’s hands or address them can reveal how confident you are. Confidence is a first impression masterstroke.

Summary

First impressions are very hard to erase. If making a lousy first impression is going to cost you relationships and opportunities, then you need to change how you approach this issue.

The first impression is the first point of interaction with your personal brand and you should do your utmost best to make it the best.

I would love to hear your experiences and thoughts about first impressions. Your comments are most welcome.

Cheers.

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Since we are dealing with the mind in this series, I think it would be prudent of me to share with you what I have recently learned about happiness and how it is connected with the mind.

Happiness is a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. The quickest way of being happy is to decide to be happy. Tell your mind to be happy. Do not put conditions to your being happy. Just resolve to be happy today, not in future.

Many personal development or self improvement blogs such as this one, and even books, seminars, tapes and workshops teach you ways of attaining success. They propose that following their doctrine will make you happy. Fortunately for you and I, there is a faster way of being happy, and that is by conditioning your mind to be happy.

You do not need to drive a Ferrari to be happy. You do not need to married to be happy. You do not need to have a degree to be happy. You do not need to be out of debt to be happy. You do not need to be in good physical condition or health to be happy.

I have found myself postponing my happiness many times in my life. I told myself that I will be happy once I score highly in my high school exams. I told myself that I will be happy when I graduate. Then I told myself that I would be happier when I start my own business, get a life partner or buy this or that.

Unfortunately as I achieved one goal in my life, there was always something more to do. For years I traded my present happiness for the hope of a better tomorrow. Many ambitious people like me end up making that mistake. Have you been limiting your present happiness until you achieve a goal or something happens? Have you postponed your happiness my friend?

I started this blog to be able to inspire my friends to be the best they can be. But I have other goals for it too. I want this blog to become popular. I want people to know about it, visit and leave comments. I want to build a thriving online community around this blog, for like minded fellows like you and me to meet, discuss what is happening in our lives and encourage each other. However, it is not an easy job. I have to put in hours upon hours, maybe even years, to make it all happen. I could postpone my happiness to the day my ideas and hopes become reality. But instead I choose to be happy today. I choose to be happy that YOU are reading this today. It is easier and better for me to rejoice with each new reader or commenter on this blog, than to wait for a million visitors that may or may never come.

Let us now look at how you can have a quick path to happiness in a few areas of life.

1) Health & Wellness

Many people who are out of shape (read fat or obese) postpone their happiness until after they get to their weight goals. It may take months or years to reach your desired goals in how you look. Why waste that time by being unhappy, in the hope you will be happy once you lose the weight? Many fat people avoid socializing, buying themselves nice clothes and being confident. They tell themselves that one day soon, they will live their dream life and be happy. If you are in that position my friend, my advice is really simple. Quit dreaming and be happy today. Life is too short to be lived in future tense.

2) Work (Jobs & Careers)

It is very easy to postpone happiness until you get a particular job or career. It is also very easy to postpone happiness to until you quit your job if you are unhappy with it.

We spend at least a quarter of our lives working every day. Why be unhappy at the job? Why ruin 25% of your life with something you can mentally control (in many cases)? You can control whether to be happy or not. It is a state of mind. Look at the glass as being half full in regards to your job and you may increase your happiness.

3) Financial Freedom

I believe that money can buy happiness if you know where to shop. But I also believe that in some cases, the money we come across the more problems we get. The best you can do is to de-link your happiness from the size of your bank account. It is easier said than done, but always bear in mind that you are not your money. You will still exist even without money. Be happy even when you have crippling debt. Have a plan for financial freedom and work to meet your financial goals and obligations, but do not let money come between you and happiness. You deserve more out of life.

4) Home & Family

You do not have to wait until you buy your own home for you to be happy. You can be happy whether you are married, single, with or without kids. Strive to be happy regardless of the home or family situation. Do not postpone your happiness until you make major strides in your home and family life.

5) Relationships

Relationships are like butterflies. They go through different phases and cycles. Learning to be happy at each phase of a relationship can save a relationship and even help the relationship thrive. What kind of relationships are you in (friendships included)? Are you happy or are postponing your happiness?

What a Fisherman Taught A Wall Street Guru about Happiness

I was once told a story about a Wall Street guru who made a bunch of money and decided to take a holiday to a Caribbean Island with his family.

He met a fisherman who showed him and his family around the Island. They got to talk about various issues. The Wall Street professional told the fisherman that if only he was ambitious like him, he would achieve a lot in his life.

Wall Street Guy: If I were you, I would get a couple of people to help me with the work, sell the fish to a bigger merchant, re-invest the profits and get a second boat, then maybe a third and a fourth boat.

Fisherman: Oh man! And what would you do with all them boats?

Wall Street Guy: I would be making so much money and would use some of that money to find out all I can about selling to bigger markets like the United States.

Fisherman: That’s one big market. It would be very tiring selling to all those people.

Wall Street Guy: You won’t have to get tired, in fact you could go to the bank and borrow against your business and expand it with other people’s money.

Fisherman: I fear other people’s money. I won’t sleep well at night if I owe people money.

Wall Street Guy: A lot of people run their businesses with other people’s money. You could even make a killing by listing on the stock market and retire rich.

Fisherman: What kind of money are we talking about here?

Wall Street Guy: Millions. Untold millions.

Fisherman: And what would you do if you had those millions?

Wall Street Guy: I would retire to a nice island with my family, spend my time relaxing and fishing.

Fisherman: And why do you want me to go to all that trouble just to end up where I am, doing exactly what I am doing?

Sometimes we take the long road to happiness. You may be chasing the wind with some dreams. Take a moment to reflect on what will really make you happy. Cut the fluff and just be happy. The road to happiness does not have to be that long.

Summary

A beautiful mind is one that gets results. Many people do things to either avoid pain or gain pleasure. In other words people do things in order to be happy. Do yourself a favor and find the quickest way to happiness. Hint: It is all in the mind.

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I had 2 weeks to go before my final uni exams. At a time when I needed to be absolutely focused, I lost my concentration. I lost my drive, I lost my appetite. Hey, I realize that men are not supposed to talk about this kind of stuff. But between you and me, let us say that the pain of a breakup does not easily walk away. It can be an impediment for success so we shall talk about it frankly. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. That includes being free from the pain of heartache and being well equipped to handle such pain.

The pain of heartbreak is often said to be indescribable. It can lead to anxiety attacks, loss of appetite, partial or complete insomnia, anger or shock. Heart break leads to nostalgia and feelings of loneliness. It plays mind games with one’s self-esteem and could lead to depression. In some cases, heartbreak causes nausea, fatigue, feelings of emptiness and even death.

I came up with a list of 10 strategies to cope with that pain. I would love to hear your comments and extra suggestions of how to get through the pain.

1)      Forgiveness – No matter what the reason for the break up, you need to let go of anger. You need to forgive yourself and forgive the person whom you broke up with.

2)      Counseling – If you can afford it, or if the situation calls for it, seek professional help or find someone whom you can trust and who can help you ease the pain. Two heads are better than one.

3)      Acceptance - Avoid being in denial. If it is over, it is over. Thinking that things will go back to normal when they are clearly not going to, only exacerbates the pain.

4)      People – Surround yourself with positive people. Try and see the good in people, do not spend too much time alone.

5)      Healing – Allow yourself time for grieving. Then focus on healing the pain. Do what works for you to mend your heart.

6)      Honesty – Be honest with yourself about the pain. What caused the pain? What caused the breakup? You can write down your thoughts, and perhaps create a journal of what you did, what your partner did, what went wrong etc.

7)      Immersion - Immerse yourself fully in a new subject matter. Perhaps join a club, a church or start playing a sport. Get active. Find something to distract you.

8)      Learn – Get busy. Learn something new, learn a language, visit a new place, learn about yourself, fiil your mind with new stuff.

9)      Time - The best medicine for heartbreak is time, time and time. Time heals all heartbreaks. Allow yourself time to moan and time to heal. As the wise teacher said, there is a time for everything. A time to meet someone and a time to break up. There is a time to moan and a time to get over it. Do not rush time or try to turn the clock of time.

10)  Music and Literature – There are so many songs about heartbreaks, love and commitment. Choose your media carefully and enjoy it fully. Get a collection of inspiring songs, movies, poems, books or blogs to give you solace.

Summary

The pain of a break up is real. It can impact negatively on personal and/or professional development. It is good to learn coping strategies.

If you have suggestions of how to cope with heartbreak, please share with us. If you have songs to help ease the pain, poems or blogs please feel free to share.

Go forth and find love my friends!

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What is Love?

There are a million and three ways of defining love. Love is a strong positive emotion of regard and affection. It is a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction. According to the bible, Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.

What is Appreciation?

Appreciation is an expression of gratitude. It is the understanding of the nature or meaning or quality or magnitude of something. Appreciation is the opposite of taking things for granted. You can appreciate the good that others do. You can appreciate what your loved one, employee, employer, friend or parent does.

How to Show Love

• Empathy – You can show love to someone by understanding them and seeing things from their perspective. Putting yourself in someone’s shoes is a brilliant way of showing your love.
• Speak Love – Tell your partner that you love them. Say the magic words. Let them hear you say it.
• Time - Time is a finite resource. Spending time with someone is a great way of showing love. Do not do disappearing acts on those you love. Spending quality time with the one you love helps them feel special.
• Communication – Talk openly, clearly and firmly with those you love. Do not give them conflicting messages. Set clear boundaries of what can or cannot be done and communicate that as clearly as possible. Use communication to manage expectations to avoid disappointments.
• Actions – Actions speak louder than words. Show love by doing what you are expected to do, and beyond. Walk the talk.
• Honesty – Be brutally honest with those you love. There is nothing that erodes love as fast as broken trust.
• Affection – Depending on your culture or relationship, you can demonstrate your love through affection, either privately or publicly (PDA).
• Gifts - Giving gifts is a good way of showing love. Give out of love and do not expect something in return. Do not give gifts only when you are obligated to give such as birthday or holidays.
• Hour of Need – Be there at the hour of need when your friend or loved ones needs you. There is nothing worse than the feeling of being forsaken at the hour of need. Be careful not to be perceived as a fair weather friend.
• Complements - Give genuine complements to your loved one. It is a good way of building that warm feeling and confidence. Learn the difference between flattery and genuine complements.
• Compromise – Be flexible and willing to meet half way. Do not insist on only having your way. Do not let them walk all over you either.
• Forgiveness – Do not hold grudges for longer than you have to. Learn to let go and forgive people for wrong doing. Give your loved one wiggle space if they find themselves on the wrong. Do not make them feel cornered. Give them a soft landing and an opportunity to rectify their  mistakes.

How to Show Appreciation

• Be creative – Do not do what is expected all the time. Take time to think of ways of showing appreciation, depending on what the person did. Appreciation does not have to be complex or expensive.
• Tell them – The best way of appreciating someone is to tell them that you do. Be specific on what you are thanking them for.
• Spend Time – Spend time with people you appreciate.
• Recognition – Recognize people for their good deeds publicly or within your circle of friends. Genuine recognition can be a fuel for more good deeds.
• Focus on the good side – Focus on the positive aspect of their actions. Talk about it with them, highlight what you like, and they may continue doing more of that.
• Thank you notes – Send follow up thank you notes to people who go out of their way to make you happy or perform exceptional service.

Summary

Love one another, and appreciate those who do  good things. Appreciation is one of the deepest of human desires. Showing love and appreciation attracts good things to your life. Be more proactive in showing love and appreciation.

I would love to hear of ways that you have used to show love or appreciation. Please post your comments (be specific on what kind of actions you took or recommend).

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Our School Anthem

Thoughts and deeds shall bide with task.
Keep the Rose brightly ye our emblem.
Sieve the trash dear Lord we ask.
For Nihil Praeter Optimum.
In pride we ride.
With rules abide.
As all the boys and staff combine.
All members here in Lenana.
We aim at Nothing But The Best.

I do not have the answer to the question of pride vs. humility. I am torn right through the middle by different schools of thought and would love to hear your thoughts on this. I think conflict on issues like this affect our level success.

What is Pride?

Pride is a feeling of self-respect and personal worth. It also means satisfaction with your (or another’s) achievements. Pride can be both a positive and negative emotion.

Pride can be viewed as either a virtue or vice. When viewed as a virtue, pride in one’s appearance and abilities is known as virtuous pride, greatness of soul or magnanimity. When viewed as a vice it is often termed vanity or vainglory.

Negative pride is the opposite of humility. Unfortunately for most people, especially the church, there is no distinction between positive and negative pride. Pride is regarded as one of the seven deadly sins. In fact, it is regarded as the ultimate source from which the other sins arise.

It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self. The bible’s story of Lucifer pin points pride (his desire to compete with God) as the cause of his fall from Heaven, and his resultant transformation into Satan.

Depending on who you talk to, they will tell you pride is synonymous to any of the following words: Ego, Joy, Delight, Pleasure, Big-Headedness, Best, Elite, Prime, Cream, Brag, Boast, Cockiness, Self-Love,  Self-Worth, Self-Respect, Self-Exaltation, Self-Admiration, Self-Confidence, Self-Glorification,  Self-Importance, Self-Sufficiency, Dignity, Vanity, Satisfaction, Scornfulness or Pretension. Some of those words are good while others are bad.

Clearly, the word pride is a problem for a lot of people. Some will say that pride comes before a fall; while others believe that the pride of accomplishments is what drives people to success. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be, to encourage you to succeed, and to be proud of your accomplishments.

Even the bible is not really clear about the issue of pride. 2 Corinthians 5:12 says:

We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart.

Apostle Paul’s writing in the above verse shows that one can be proud and be within the will of God.

• Proverbs 8:13 (NIV).  To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

• Proverbs 16:18-19 (NIV).  Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.

What is Humility?

Humility, or being humble, is the characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. It is a disposition to be humble; a lack of false pride.

Humility is one of the seven heavenly virtues that are designed to protect people from the temptations of the seven deadly sins. It is regarded as modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. It is characterized by giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one’s own self.

Pride in Relationships

I believe that for one to have a good relationship you must be proud of your partner. You cannot have a healthy relationship with someone if you look down upon them. Pride is a natural selection tool to help in appropriate pairing. If your partner is not proud of you, it may be a sign of trouble.

A parent should be proud of his family and spend time with them in order to have a deep and meaningful relationship. It is hard for love to thrive without mutual pride, and desire to be with each other.

Pride in Careers

Pride is the belief that you have everything in your career under control because of your uniqueness, skills, authority, and competence. One cleaner will say “I am only a cleaner” while another one will say with pride “I am the cleaner”. The way you look at your job and your importance should not be dictated by others. You should be proud of your position and if you find yourself not being proud, use that as a sign to up your game and move ahead.

Pride in Finances

Many people spend in pride and end up in financial ruin. Instead, invest in pride. Be choosy about your investments. Get the investments that you deserve. Do not have a haughty spirit and spend your money to show off to others. Instead focus on long term financial strategies that you will be proud of for years to come.

Summary

Depending on your religious affiliation, you may see pride as a bad thing. I grew up with pride being demonized, but I am proud person. I like to think of myself as proud in a positive way, proud of who I am, and my contribution to the world.

Many religious and successful people and those that aspire to succeed probably experience conflict in this issue. However as soon as one starts being proud of their achievements, the internal bible tells them to stop. It becomes harder to stop after tasting the sweet joy of success.

I would love to hear your views on pride and humility. Maybe I am missing something.

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Anger management skills include stress management, empathy, impulse control, forgiveness, managing expectations, positive self talk and communication skills improvement.

This is the first topic that I am dealing with in this new series of emotions. It was not originally going to be the first topic. But yesterday someone really pissed me off. They just happened to know how to press my buttons. They said all the wrong things, did all the wrong things. I just about had enough of them. I got angry. I got mad.

Then I started thinking about anger. I asked myself why I was angry, why this person had managed to make me feel that way. I felt that I could not effectively do my work or focus on the good in life. Then it hit me, I am not alone. Many of us experience anger on a constant basis. Some know how to deal with it. But one thing is clear; anger keeps us from achieving our objectives.

For some people, anger becomes a habit, a natural state. We become what we think about and do on a regular basis. We are creatures of habit. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. Anger does not bring out the best in people and I hope to inspire you to better manage anger. This blog post is a letter to me as much as it is a letter to you.

Anger in different areas of life

• Family – Children get angry with parents for not letting them have their way. Anger may be directed towards siblings and other relatives. Parents may direct their anger towards their kids for not behaving as they should.

• Relationships – People in relationships may stockpile resentment and give each other the “silent treatment”. They may avoid intimacy, affection and communication because of anger. Some of the reasons for anger may be minor while others maybe major, enough to shake the foundation of the relationship.

• Career – An employer may be angry at the employees for not doing enough to help a company meet its objectives. Employees may be angry at the employer for an array of grievances. People may also direct their anger to co-workers, competitors, customers and business partners.

• Society – Some people may feel slighted by society and blame others for their misfortunes. Inequalities in society may breed anger sometimes with serious consequences.

• Politics – Anger at the stand taken by one government may lead to an invasion or a world war. Many people are angry at lawmakers for laws that do not serve their objectives.

What is Anger?

Anger is a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance. It is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage.

Anger clouds judgment. It is distracting and kills concentration. Anger can bog you down and makes mountains out of anthills.

Anger is a result of failed expectations. Anger is the difference between what you expected and what you experienced. If you expect people to do something within a particular timeframe and they do not do it, you may get angry. How we chose to interpret things and why they happen is a strong determinant of how angry we get.

Benefits of Anger

Anger is not entirely evil. It is an internal message that tells us that something is not right. It is a message that tells us that we are not happy with how things are. Without anger, people would just accept the status quo and not advance.

• Anger may fuel the desire for success. Some people use anger to spur them to action, to reach within their depths and find success in what they do. Anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish our goals.

• Anger helps modify society. Laws and what is socially acceptable can be modified by anger. Many laws have come into existence because of public outrage. Many laws on domestic violence, child abuse, police brutality and animal rights can trace their roots to anger.

• Anger helps us ask better questions. If we keep asking the same questions, we get the same answers. Anger makes people ask questions that may illuminate a different way of thinking that may lead to success.

• Anger builds relationships; depending on how anger is dealt with, it can enhance the quality of relationships. Anger helps highlight differences in people’s way of thinking and resolving the anger may help the relationship get stronger.

Dangers of Anger

• Anger is self perpetuating – Whenever a person feels angry they start focusing on what is making them angry. The more they focus on something, the more reasons they get for being angry. Many relationships are broken by anger and rage.

• Anger leads to failure - Anger clouds judgment and cause people to make mistakes. Anger prevents people from listening and taking advice. It messes up with the ego and leads people to a path of destruction.

• Anger leads to arguments and confrontation – Anger can lead people to violence, abuse and confrontation. Anger prevents people from reasoning together and causes disagreements.

• Anger stifles creativity – Many people are not at their element when angry. The people who feel slighted are on a lower plane of thoughts than winners. Anger makes people only as creative as it would take to right the wrong, but not to move beyond that. Anger steals focus and concentration.

• Anger reduces happiness – An angry person is not happy as they find all the reasons not to be. Happiness is a state that does not sit very well with anger.

• Anger saps energy – Anger takes away energy that could be better used in pursuing success and improving the quality of life.

• Anger prevents responsibility – Angry people tend to blame others instead of taking responsibility. It is very hard to succeed in life without taking responsibility for ones fortunes or actions.

Anger Management Techniques

• Use a journal to record every time you feel angry. Proactively notice when you are about to get angry. Analyze the associated feelings and thoughts. Start addressing those issues one by one. Address each of the thoughts and feelings.

• Avoid victim mentality – A victim mentality makes people angry. Adopt a winner’s attitude as opposed to that of a victim. Winners make things happen while things happen to victims. Winners take responsibility while victims blame others. Winners look at the positive in situations while victims look for the negative.

• Use Humor – Laughter is the best medicine. Humor helps one to get a more balanced perspective on issues instead of being dangerously angry. We say that one day “we shall laugh about this” when in difficult situations. Why not laugh about it today? Avoid sarcastic laugh and jokes as they may just perpetuate the reasons for anger.

• Calculated Response - Delay your responses when angry. You may need to take time out or try your best to control your impulses. Remember that you always have a choice to do right or wrong. Think of repercussions before taking rash action when angry.

• Ask Better Questions - Use anger to solve deep problems. Try and learn from the reason why you are angry and think of ways of preventing future anger.

• Manage Expectations - Avoid unrealistic expectations and give room for error to others.

• Empathy - Try put yourself in the shoes of others to help you understand how your anger may affect them or their reason for doing that which made you angry in the first place.

• Positive Self Talk - Fill your mind with positive messages and think of ways of improving your life and the situation instead of focusing on the negatives and the details of your anger.

• Forgiveness - Forgive yourself and those who wrong you. It does not mean turning the other cheek and letting people walk all over you. Instead communicate your unhappiness and resolve differences then move on.

• Communicate Effectively - Be assertive in your communication. Express your needs assertively without hurting others or resulting to aggressive behavior.

Summary

I hope this article has helped you look at the emotion of anger in a new perspective. Anger has some benefits but it can slow us down in the journey for success if not handled properly. Handling anger is a necessary and important part of success.

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An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Answers.com defines emotions as a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort. Emotions are a complex subject that has been defined and examined by many researchers. We shall only be looking at a few emotions and trying to understand how they affect our success.

Emotional Intelligence

Salovey and Mayer (1990) defined emotional intelligence (EI) as “the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”

This series will be about improving our emotional intelligence for success in all spheres of life.

• Perceiving emotions – this means detecting and making sense of emotions. It means identifying your emotional states.
• Using emotions – harnessing emotions to change your mood, think or take action.
• Understanding emotions – comprehending how emotions relate to each other and how they evolve.
• Managing emotions – harnessing our own emotions and those of others to achieve the desired goals. It means directing emotions (positive and negative ones) towards attainment of your goals (success).

Positive and Negative Emotions

Emotions can be positive or negative. They range from joy, passion, and hope to anger, jealousy and guilt.

Some positive emotions include: Able, Accepted, Accepting, Accomplished, Accountable, Achieving, Adequate, Affluent, Ambitious, Appreciated, Assertive, Authentic, Awesome, Balanced, Beautiful, Blessed, Brave, Bright, Brilliant, Calm, Capable, Caring, Certain, Cheerful, Cherished, Comfortable, Committed, Compassionate, Complete, Composed etc

Negative emotions include:  Ashamed, Criticized, Disrespected, Embarrassed, Humiliated, Inferior, Insulted, Invalidated, Controlled, Imprisoned, Inhibited, Forced, Manipulated, Abandoned, Alone, Brushed off, Confused, Discouraged, Ignored, Insignificant, Invisible, Abused, Afraid, Attacked, Defensive,  Frightened, Insecure, Intimidated, Cynical, Guarded, Skeptical, Suspicious, Untrusting etc

Summary

As you can see, there are very many types of emotions, both positive and negative. We shall be looking of ways of harnessing our emotions for success.

If you have a suggestion of the kind of emotions to tackle in this series, I would love to hear from you either on the comments form or on the contact form on the blog.

Kind Regards.
Daniel Ngari

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By law, all international students in Australia have to be insured. I was always insured as a student but once I finished studying, I stupidly let my insurance cover run out (for one month). Big mistake! I got involved in an accident during the only month that I have never had insurance in Australia. It was then that I understood that the ambulance sirens can be more expensive than the most luxurious limousines. An ice pack from an ambulance will cost you more than a full body massage in a five star hotel (if you do not have insurance). Suffice it to say that I learnt my lesson.

The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to be the best you can be. In this health series we have looked at ways of staying healthy, through the power of your mind, or through exercise and eating right. But there are times where eating right and lifting weights will not keep you away from ill health. There are moments where even apples won’t keep the doctor away. In those moments, you may need to visit a doctor or be admitted to hospital. Hospitals do not come cheap especially if you are not insured.

I remember taking a friend to one of the big hospitals in Western Australia when I was at uni. The first question that the doctors and their assistants asked was “Do you have private health insurance?” She did not have private health cover and so had to stay on the line for over six hours as the privately insured took the express lane. Have you ever seen that kind of discrimination? It happens every day in hospitals world over. Get on the express lane my friend; get insured.

What is Health Insurance?

Insurance is a means of indemnity against occurrence of an uncertain event. It is the promise of reimbursement in the case of loss; paid to people or companies so concerned about hazards that they have made prepayments to an insurance company. It is a form of risk management used to hedge against the risk of loss.

Health insurance is a form of insurance that pays for medical expenses. It may be sponsored by government or by private insurance companies. You may register for health insurance as part of a group (e.g. same employer) or buy it on your own.

Escalating Cost of Health Care

The cost of health care rises at a higher rate than inflation. Many people struggle to pay medical bills. Many others find it hard to afford the exorbitant premiums charged by insurance companies. Companies are cutting back on the health benefits awarded to employees forcing many to live without insurance.

A recent study by Harvard University researchers found that the average out-of-pocket medical debt for those who filed for bankruptcy was $12,000. Every 30 seconds in the United States someone files for bankruptcy in the aftermath of a serious health problem. (source)

For developing countries, the cost of health care continues to rise faster than the rate of growth of the economies. The gap between the rich and the poor continues to widen especially in the provision of quality health care.

The Risks of Lack of Health Insurance

• Uninsured people are more likely to forego potentially life saving tests such as mammograms.

• Uninsured people are less likely to get preventive services because of the prohibitive costs.

• They are less likely to visit doctors and dentists for routine checkups. Lack of checkups my increase the risks of unnecessary sickness.

• Uninsured patients have worse clinical outcomes than insured patients for several chronic conditions including diabetes, cardiovascular disease, end-stage renal disease, HIV infection and mental illness.

• Uninsured people are more likely to experience financial ruin after serious medical conditions.

• Lost Tax Benefits. People without Private Insurance miss out on government incentives designed to encourage people to get insured. In Australia single people earning over $50,000 per annum and couples/families earning over $100,000 per annum with no private hospital cover pay a further 1% in tax.

Summary

Health Insurance may be expensive but you should make it a priority to invest in the best health cover that you can afford. In the event that you are not covered by your employer’s group insurance, do not try to “save” by avoiding health insurance. The long term cost of being uninsured or under insured may impact heavily on your success.

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If a person focuses only on what is wrong in his life, he is surely going to find something. Negative thoughts are self fulfilling prophesies. It was only when the preacher snapped out of the negative thoughts spiral that he started experiencing healing in many areas of his life and body. His teachings went straight to my heart. He was a living testament that the mind is a powerful healing agent.

In the United States, efforts to articulate the relationship between the care of the body and the state of the mind, morals and emotions date back almost 200 years. Respected psychologist and philosopher William James wrote in 1902 that “mind-cure gives to some of us serenity, moral poise, and happiness, and prevents certain forms of disease as well as science does, or even better in a certain class of persons.” A positive mental attitude, just like an apple a day, will keep the doctor away.

Dr Deepak Chopra, M.D, wrote the book Perfect Health, the first practical guide to harnessing the healing power of the mind, which became a national bestseller in the US. He teaches that though we experience our bodies as solid, they are in fact more like fires that are constantly being consumed and renewed.

We grow new stomach linings every five days, for instance. Our skin is new every five weeks. Each year, fully 98 percent of the total number of atoms in our bodies is replaced. Your thoughts are more real than your body. Freedom from sickness depends on contacting our own awareness, bringing it into balance, and then extending that balance to the body.

Positive Thinking and Health

Your mind is very powerful. You become whatever you think about or envision. Positive thinking means changing the predominant thoughts in your mind to pleasant and empowering thoughts. Some people think of it as self hypnosis, while others think of it as a way of connecting with the mystic of the universe. If you populate your mind with positive messages, you will see a fundamental shift in your fortunes, feelings and outcomes.

The father of Positive Thinking Dr Vincent Norman Peale wrote that you must “Formulate and stamp indelibly on you mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. And hold this picture tenaciously. You can’t ever permit it to fade. Over time your mind will develop this picture, brighten the detail. Never doubt the reality of the mental image, because doing so is dangerous. The mind also tries to complete what it pictures. So always picture “success” no matter how badly things seem to be going at the moment”.

Your mind has a tremendous impact on the recovery process. If you ever find yourself sick or disabled but have a sound mind, use your mind to will yourself back to good health or help you cope with the situation. If you want to achieve a level of fitness or quit some vice like smoking, start by visualizing yourself leading a healthier lifestyle. Good health begins with the mind and manifests in the body.

Summary

You become what you think. Positive self talk and attitude can help you achieve your healthy living goals. The thoughts that are constantly running in your mind will affect your moods and behavior. Your moods affect your choices. Your choices affect your health.

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Sleep and Success

We are currently on the health series articles in this blog and I would be sleeping on my job if I did not include the topic of sleep in this series. Benjamin Franklin is often quoted as having said “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise”.  This blog’s purpose is to inspire you to be the best you can be; to inspire you to be healthy, wealthy and wise.

I am writing this on a Sunday so let me be a good Christian and quote the Bible.

Proverbs: 6: 4-11. “Give not unnecessary sleep to your eyes, nor slumber to your eyelids. Deliver yourself, as a roe or gazelle from the hand of the fowler. Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways and be wise! Which having no chief or overseer or ruler provides her food in the summer and gathers her supplies in the harvest. How long will you sleep, O sluggard? When will you rise out of your sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to lie down and sleep – So will your poverty come to you like a robber and your want like an armed man!”

Sleeping is not equal to laziness but they are first cousins. A little extra sleep here and there and you find yourself not moving fast enough to your goals. Pay special attention to your sleeping habits and gain control of your success.

What is Sleep?

Sleep is a natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world is suspended. It is characterized by reversible unconsciousness and non-responsiveness to external stimuli. Sleep is required by the body and mind to gain balance and stability. But like all good things, too much of it is has a down side.

Sleep is necessary for survival and thriving in life. Sleep deprivation occurs when one lacks the necessary amount of sleep. This may occur as a result of sleep disorders, active choice or deliberate inducement such as in interrogation or torture.

Menachem Begin, the Prime Minister of Israel from 1977-83, described his experience of sleep deprivation when a prisoner of the KGB in Russia as follows: “In the head of the interrogated prisoner, a haze begins to form. His spirit is wearied to death, his legs are unsteady, and he has one sole desire: to sleep…Anyone who has experienced this desire knows that not even hunger and thirst are comparable with it”.

Sleep is an important part of healthy living and therefore a determinant of success. Thai Ngoc, born 1942, claimed in 2006 to have been awake for 33 years or 11,700 nights, according to Vietnamese news organization Thanh Nien. It was said that Ngoc acquired the ability to go without sleep after a bout of fever in 1973. Unlike Thai Ngoc, most people need to sleep daily for about 8 hours to be mentally healthy and alert.

What is Insomnia?

Insomnia is a symptom of a sleeping disorder characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep despite the opportunity. Insomnia is a symptom, not a stand-alone diagnosis or a disease. By definition, insomnia is “difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep or both” and it may be due to inadequate quality or quantity of sleep. It is typically followed by functional impairment while awake. Insomniacs have been known to complain about being unable to close their eyes or “rest their mind” for more than a few minutes at a time. (Source).

Causes of Insomnia

• Loss of a loved one. Insomnia can be common after the loss of a loved one, even years or decades after the death, if they have not gone through the grieving process. Overall, symptoms and the degree of their severity affect each individual differently depending on their mental health, physical condition, and attitude or personality.

• Anxiety – This is an unpleasant state of mental uneasiness or concern about some uncertain event; anxiety can make people lose sleep or interrupt sleeping patterns.

• Stress – Stressful situations make it harder to maintain regular sleep patterns. People experience irregular sleep patterns when stressed by relationships, career changes, financial struggles etc.

• Depression – The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression may disturb sleeping patterns.

• Hormonal changes in women – These include premenstrual syndrome, menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause.

• Pain – Many sorts of emotional and physical pains can take sleep away, e.g. tooth aches.

• Adjustment sleep disorder – Adjustment sleep disorder usually describes insomnia related to acute, temporary stress (e.g., starting a new job), preoccupation (e.g., thinking about a problem), or trauma (e.g., experiencing loss). Insomnia resolves when the stress factor is resolved or when the person acclimates to the new situation.

• Jet Lag – Jet lag is a temporary condition that some people experience following air travel across several time zones in a short period of time. This causes the traveler’s internal clock to be out of sync with the external environment. People experiencing jet lag have a difficult time maintaining their internal, routine sleep-wake pattern in their new location, because external stimuli, like sunshine and local timetables, dictate a different pattern.

• Medication-Dependent Sleep Disorder – Insomnia may arise when a person who takes chronic medications, like hypnotics and antidepressants, stops taking them or develops a tolerance for them. For this reason, physicians indicate a gradual reduction in dosage of long-term medications.

Improving Sleeping Habits

• Keep a regular sleeping schedule. A regular sleeping pattern strengthens the sleep/wake cycle and promotes a regular sleep-onset time.
• Avoid coffee, cola, tea, chocolate, alcohol, and tobacco.
• What you eat. Eat healthy balanced diet. A light snack or warm milk before bedtime may promote sleep.
• Wind down for a period before sleep time. Quiet activities, such as reading, relaxing in a hot bath, prayer, or meditating, help promote sleep.
• Avoid taking naps during the day, especially in the evening. If you must nap, do so in the early afternoon for no longer than 30 minutes.
• Sleep Hygiene: Activities related to getting a good night’s sleep. Some positive sleep hygiene habits include going to bed at the same time each night
• Engage in gentle exercise to produce fatigue before sleep. Heavy exercise should be avoided just before retiring, because it delays sleep.

Sleeping Related Websites

http://www.sleepdisorderchannel.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation

http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/insomnia/INS_causes.html

Summary

Insomnia is a leading example of sleeping disorder. A sleep disorder is a medical disorder of a person’s sleep pattern. Sleep disorders interfere with success and achievement and you should seek to control your sleeping habits in your quest for success.

Do you have any tips on sleeping patterns or a story to share on insomnia or sleeping habits? I would love to hear your comments.

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What is Stress?

Stress is the consequence of the ability of the human body to respond appropriately to emotional or physical threats whether real or imagined. When something happens to us, or threatens to happen, we quickly assess it in our minds to determine if we have the skill to handle the situation. If we decide that we do not have the skill set required, we label the situation as “stressful”. If we are confident that we have the ability to deal with that situation, we don’t think of it as being “stressful”.

Stress can be caused by lack of control over one’s environment e.g. lack of food, housing, good health, freedom or mobility. Social issues such as deception, break ups, deaths, marriage and divorce can also cause stress. Other causes of stress include poverty, unemployment, depression, exams, sleep disorders, and project deadlines.

Signs of Stress

• Seeing only the negative in situations – a general disposition to look on the dark side and to expect the worst in all things.
• Anxious or racing thoughts – a feeling of mild anxiety about possible developments.
• Moodiness – having temperamental and changeable moods
• Irritability or short temper – abnormally sensitive, easily irritated or annoyed.
• Agitation, inability to relax – a mental state of extreme emotional disturbance.
• Feeling overwhelmed – feeling like you are overpowered emotionally.
• Sense of loneliness and isolation – a powerful feeling of emptiness. Isolating yourself from others.
• Depression, general unhappiness, sadness, sorrow or discontentment.
• Eating more or less – Eating disorders can be a sign of stress.
• Sleeping too much or too little – Sleep disorders can be a sign of stress.
• Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities because of fear of outcomes.
• Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
• Nervousness – having an expectant void or ‘hollow feeling in the stomach’ plus the mental image of ‘will it go right’. Sometimes characterized by nail biting and pacing around.

Stress Tolerance Level

The following factors influence your tolerance for stress.

• Your support network – A strong network of supportive friends and family members is an enormous buffer against life’s stressors. On the flip side, the more lonely and isolated you are, the greater your vulnerability to stress.
• Your sense of control – If you have confidence in yourself and your ability to influence events and persevere through challenges, it’s easier to take stress in stride.
• Your attitude and outlook – Stress-hardy people have an optimistic attitude. They tend to embrace challenges, have a strong sense of humor, accept that change is a part of life, and believe in a higher power or purpose.
• Your ability to deal with your emotions. You’re extremely vulnerable to stress if you don’t know how to calm and soothe yourself when you’re feeling sad, angry, or afraid.
• Your knowledge and preparation – The more you know about a stressful situation, including how long it will last and what to expect, the easier it is to cope. For example, if you go into surgery with a realistic picture of what to expect post-op, a painful recovery will be less traumatic than if you were expecting to bounce back immediately. (Source)

Stress & Success

Stress results from the imbalance between demands and resources. It occurs when a person doubts his or her ability to cope. Stress is not a direct response to a stressor but rather one’s resources and ability to cope. Developing the ability to cope with situations leads to both success and reduced stress.

• Health and Wellness - What we eat affects how we feel and think. Eating foods high in saturated fats, cholesterol and sugar leads to digestion problems, inability to concentrate and other stress symptoms that hinder our ability to succeed. Avoid excessive amounts of caffeine and alcohol. Eat healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables, protein and grain, and drink at least six glasses of water to stay in top physical form. Regular exercise reduces stress as well.

• Work & Career- Workplace stress is the harmful physical and emotional responses that can happen when there is a conflict between job demands on the employee and the amount of control an employee has over meeting these demands. You can reduce work place stress by finding a satisfying job that is in line with your passion and abilities. Preparation and managing expectations can also help reduce career stress.

• Financial Freedom- Lack of or fear of earning potential in an uncertain economy can lead to stress. Fear of losing a job or not being able to service your loan can also lead to stress. Gain knowledge on how to gain financial freedom by reading and consulting with experts. Remember to plan ahead and let the power of compounding work in your favor.

• Home & Family- Family situations such as deaths, births, reunions, conflict, marriage and divorce can lead to stress. It is best to have a loving attitude and a big heart to accommodate the views of others in the family. Working towards a good family and home life can reduce stress and serve as a buffer to stress caused by other areas of life.

• Mental & Emotions- Success or failure is all in the mind. You should develop a positive attitude to help you cope with stress. Believing in yourself and your abilities can help you deal with the toughest of situations. Negative self talk leads to self sabotage and causes stress. You should seek to speak positive and empowering words to yourself and to others.

Summary

Stress occurs when a person doubts his or her ability to cope. A positive mental attitude and positive self talk can help in coping with stress.

Stress affects our level of success especially when it leads to procrastination and inaction. We should seek to develop a high tolerance to stressful situations. Preparation and gaining knowledge can help in dealing with stress. The more you know about a stressful situation, including how long it will last and what to expect, the easier it is to cope.

Eating right and regular exercise also helps in reducing stress. The ability to bring your emotions into balance helps you bounce back from adversity. Always believe in yourself.

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His resignation and reasons given were hailed as “extraordinary public service”. His resignation marked a step forward in the destigmatisation of mental illness in Australia.

Gordon Parker, of Sydney’s Black Dog Institute, predicted Dr Gallop’s confession would assist other people, particularly men, in seeking help for their own mental health problems. “It’s a marker of how destigmatisation is proceeding in this country for a politician to be able to … openly use the word depression as a reason for stepping down”.

Professor Parker said Dr Gallop’s diagnosis was a reminder that “the black dog” did not respect rank or position. It can affect anybody at any time,” he said. Around one million Australian adults and 100,000 young people live with depression each year.

Dr Gallop is now a Professor and Director, Graduate School of Government at the University of Sydney, Australia. He gave a speech titled “Depression – past, present and future” at the launch of Beaton Consulting/beyondblue Annual Professions Survey, in Melbourne on the 23rd of April 2007. Below are some highlights from his speech.

• Since my own decision to seek medical help for depression early in 2006 I have learnt a good deal about myself and the condition which we have appropriately labelled “The Black Dog”

• However, in order to learn these things I had to acknowledge that I had a problem. Self help only follows when there is self awareness. By its very nature depression is a secret for whom there is no story-teller. Not talking about it is part of its definition.

• We hold it in as it tears away at our senses and our sensibility. It’s very personal and its very deep. We disconnect from the world and from others, with despair occasionally descending into a living hell.

What is Depression?

Depression is a mental disorder characterized by a pervasive low mood, low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. Depression is one of the most common of all mental health problems. One in five people experience depression at some stage of their lives.

Depression is more than just a low mood – it’s a serious illness. While we all feel sad, moody or low from time to time, some people experience these feelings intensely, for long periods of time and often without reason. People with depression find it hard to function every day and may be reluctant to participate in activities they once enjoyed. (beyondblue.org.au)

Types of Depression

• Major depression – a depressed mood that lasts for at least two weeks. This may also be referred to as clinical depression or unipolar depression.
• Psychotic depression – a state of depression so severe that the person loses contact with reality and suffers a variety of functional impairments. It is a depressed mood which includes symptoms of psychosis. Psychosis involves seeing or hearing things that are not there (hallucinations), feeling everyone is against you (paranoia) and having delusions.
• Dysthymia – is a type of low-grade depression typified by depressed mood that lasts for years.
• Mixed depression and anxiety – a combination of symptoms of depression and anxiety.
• Bipolar disorder – (formally known as manic depressive illness) – involves periods of feeling low (depressed) and high (manic). (Source)

Symptoms of Depression

• Self Esteem – Low self-esteem is a symptom of depression.
• Sleeping Patterns – Depression can lead to irregular sleep patterns and insomnia.
• Appetite – Depression tends to suppress most biological functions and drives related to hunger. Changes in appetite or weight may signal depression.
• Negative Emotions – Depression brings forth negative emotions such as pessimism, anger, guilt, irritability and anxiety.
• Emotional Rollercoaster – Varying emotions throughout the day, for example, feeling worse in the morning and better as the day progresses
• Hard to Please: Hobbies and interests may no longer be pleasing. Depression leads to lack of interest in activities or moments previously enjoyed.
• House of Pain: Depression may make one more susceptible to a host of pains and ailments.
• Changed sex drive: absent or reduced
• Concentration and Memory: some people are so impaired that they think that they are becoming demented.
• Reduced motivation: it doesn’t seem worth the effort to do anything, things seem meaningless.

There is a simple depression quiz on http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-symptom-quiz that can be used to diagnose depression.

Antidepressants

An antidepressant is a psychiatric medication used for alleviating major depression. It is a class of drugs used to treat depression; and often have undesirable side effects.

Depression and suicide

Although most people who are depressed do not kill themselves, untreated depression can increase the risk of possible suicide. It is not uncommon for depressed individuals to have thoughts about suicide whether or not they intend to act on these thoughts. Up to 15% of those who are clinically depressed die by suicide. The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression can make suicide feel like the only way to make the pain go away. If someone you know is threatening suicide or talking of wanting to hurt him/herself, seek professional help right away.

Useful Depression Links

• http://www.webmd.com/depression/default.htm
• http://www.beyondblue.org.au
• http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

Summary

Depression is a serious mental problem that affects 1 in 5. It can lead to suicide on one extreme but for the vast majority of people, it is only mild, but enough to curtail happiness and achievement.

If you suspect you have depression, there is no shame in seeking medical assistance as illustrated by former WA premier Dr Geoff Gallop.

Do you have thoughts on depression that you would like to share with fellow readers? Have you ever been depressed? Do you know anyone who has gone through depression? Do you have a unique point or insight that you can add to this topic? I would love to hear your opinion. Thank you.

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Marijuana (Grass) Smoking

Bob Marley was a Rastafarian. Rastafarians believe in smoking weed for spiritual reasons. They believe in the sacramental use of cannabis and believe that getting high is way of spiritually connecting with God. Marijuana is one of the Pillars of the Rastafarian faith and is seen as a way of being in fellowship with fellow men and Jah (God).

Other names for Marijuana are: Bhang, Mary Jane, BC bud, Boza, Ganja, Indo, Kindbud, Ishence, Homegrown, Shake, Acapulco gold, Sleng teng, Sinsemilla, Cashi, Collie, Chronic, Blunt, Locoweed, Sensi, Green goddess,  Green, Weed, Cannabis, leaf, Indica, Cheeba, Reefer, Grass, Spliff, THC, Bud, Pot, Herb, Wisdom Weed, KGB (killer green bud), 13, Hydro, Smoke, Kaya, Buddha, Thai, Kona Gold, Hash, Maui wowie, Wacky tabacky, Dope, Skunk and 420. I feel like I could add a few new names of my own but the list is long enough.

In Kenya, smoking marijuana was mainly done by primary school dropouts. But coming to Australia and living here for more than 10 years now exposed me to another wider group of people who smoke weed. These people are not Rastafarians. Some of them even read this blog. This bigger group includes teachers, doctors, lawyers, business men and women, fathers and mothers, backpackers and university students. The law here seems soft on people who only have a plant or two of marijuana as long as they are not hydroponic weed. It is a crime to posses weed beyond a given quota and carrying too much makes one a “dealer” which carries stronger legal implications.

In 1998 as I was leaving Kenya to come to Australia for further studies, my parents had a very strong final message for me at the airport. Just before I got into the Air Zimbabwe flight to Australia, my parents pulled me aside and said “Never ever take drugs, you will be alone in that foreign country, but remember there is no such thing as a little drug”. Those words are still with me and if you are reading this mum and dad, thank you for those words.

I refuse to take drugs. I refuse to take even a little drug, and for good reason. I will illustrate my reason by way of a story from Northern Kenya.

Camel Story from Northern Kenya

I have a mild fascination with camels. I was born in one of the few countries in the world with camels (Kenya) and now I live in country with a camel for every 20 people (Australia). Did you know that there are more than 1 million camels in Australia?

This story was first told to me when I was very young.

There was a family in Northern Kenya that lived in a small house (small as in not very tall). One day it started raining heavily, a rarity in that particular area. The camel was being rained on so it decided to ask for permission to put its head into the house. The owners said it was ok. The rain continued pounding heavily and the camel asked for permission to put its neck in. The owners said ok again. After an hour, the camel asked if it could put its front leg and shoulders in. The owners again said yes. Then the camel stood up to stretch. The small house broke and was blown away by the heavy wind. The family was devastated.

If you give drugs an inch, it will take a mile. Drugs are self perpetuating. The more you smoke or take drugs the more your body will want it. It is called addiction my friend. It does not happen overnight but when it happens, it has devastating effects, much worse than that caused by the camel. It may start with a friend inviting you to smoke and pass the joint, or adding “a little something” to drinks to make the night more interesting. My friend; do not give in to temptation. A little leads to more.

The Effects of Marijuana

• Effects on Daily Life – Smoking weed has long term effects on physical and mental health. It hinders creativity and cognitive abilities. Weed desecrates career status and social life.

• Addictive Potential – Long-term marijuana abusers trying to quit report irritability, sleeplessness, decreased appetite, anxiety, and drug craving, all of which make it difficult to quit.

• Effects on Mental Health – Increased rates of anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and schizophrenia.

• Effects on the Heart – The risk of heart attack more than quadruples in the first hour after smoking marijuana.

Other Drugs You Should Avoid

• Depressants – Drugs used to reduce mental or physical activity. They make people feel relaxed, less tense, and less aware of events around them. They include alcohol, heroin, inhalants, sleeping pills and ketamine.

• Stimulants - Stimulant drugs are drugs that temporarily increase alertness and awareness. Stimulants are taken to make people feel happy and to decrease appetite. They include tobacco, cocaine, crack, amphetaminess, and methamphetamine.

• Hallucinogens – Psychoactive drugs that induces hallucinations or altered sensory experiences. Besides LSD and PCP, they can include mescaline, deadly nightshade and salvia plants.

Summary

Curiosity killed the cat. Avoid the curiosity to experiment with drugs. Drugs are detrimental to the health and well being of success minded people like you and me. If your friends entice you to take drugs, get new friends.

The issue of drugs is a wide topic; I have just opened the floor for further discussion on this topic. Please post your comments on ways to avoid the drug culture and the effects of drug abuse.

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Drinking Cultures

Drinking culture refers to the customs and practices of people who drink alcoholic beverages. I happen to have lived in two countries with strong drinking cultures (Australia and Kenya). I have seen first hand the joys of alcohol and the impact of alcohol on individuals, families and societies.

According to ConvictCreations.com, “Australia used to be one of the world’s great drinking nations. It is believed that during the Convict era, when rum was used as currency, the colony’s inhabitants drank more alcohol per capita that any other time in human history. The high rate of consumption is understandable considering that the first fleet brought enough food for two years and enough grog for four”.

Kenyans love their alcohol, just like Aussies do. One of the most successful companies in Kenya is East African Breweries. The company claims to be responsible for “bringing people together” with its range of beverage brands that appeal to a huge portion of the population.

There are many reasons for drinking or abstaining from alcohol, many of which are influenced by culture. But regardless of the drinking culture in your country, neighborhood or city, you should make conscious decisions on what level of drinking is good for you.

The Benefits of Alcohol

• Moderate consumption of alcohol helps people in socializing and relaxation. Social drinking plays an important role in such social functions as dating. For example, a person buying another a drink at a singles bar is a gesture that one is interested in the other and often initiates conversation, or at least flirtation.
• Alcohol helps people see the world in a new perspective. “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beer holder”.
• Moderate consumption of alcohol helps prevent some diseases such as coronary heart disease and ischemic stroke in older people. There is very little health benefit for alcohol consumption by people aged less than 45 years.

NB: I have spent more than two hours flying around the internet looking for the benefits of alcohol. I did not find much. Most of the claims of alcohol being beneficial to health have been rebutted by more scientific evidence. It looks like the science community long decided that alcohol is not good for us. <sobs>

Binge drinking

Binge drinking is sometimes defined as drinking alcohol solely for the purpose of intoxication, although it is quite common for binge drinking to apply to a social situation, creating some overlap in social and binge drinking. Some researchers define binge drinking as a woman consuming four drinks and a man consuming five drinks on an occasion. Could you be a Binge Drinker?

The Effects of Binge Drinking and Alcohol

While I could not find too many positives to do with alcohol, I found the following negatives. Please drink responsibly or better yet – quit!

• Calories – With 7 calories per gram, the number of calories in alcohol is second only after fat (9 cals/g). If you are trying to control your weight, avoid alcohol. Alcohol will thwart your weight loss efforts more than most foods.
• Hangovers – A hangover describes the sum of unpleasant physiological effects following heavy consumption of drugs, particularly alcoholic beverages. The most commonly reported characteristics of a hangover include headache, nausea, sensitivity to light and noise, lethargy, and thirst.
• Accidents – Alcohol related accidents include traffic accidents, domestic or work related accidents. They may result in serious injury or death.
• Break ups – Alcohol may fuel irrational behavior such as jealousy and violence that may break up relationships and families.
• Flow on effects to other parts of your life – Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol spreads its negative energy to other areas of life. For example, heavy drinkers are less likely to be productive at work.
• Hinders creativity – Alcohol slows down the brain functions and impairs creativity. If you want to succeed in life you need a fresh beautiful mind that is free from alcohol.
• Escapism – you should face your fears and demons and address underlying issues instead of finding solace in the bottle.
• Types of Friends – If you surround yourself with drinking buddies everyday or even just during the weekends, you may be missing out on a whole lot of people out there. There are many good people who do not hit the clubs or pubs. They may be the friends that may make you happy or help make a difference in your life. Avoid the myth that deals are made in pubs. The big deals are made when sober.
• Wastes time – Alcohol is the thief of time. Time spent recovering from hangovers or sitting at a pub could be used for other pursuits in life. Remember there is an opportunity cost for every hour of drinking.
• Alcoholism - Continuous heavy drinking over a long period of time can lead to a person becoming physically and psychologically dependent on alcohol.
• Expensive - Alcohol is expensive, not just in the money that you spend buying beer, wine or spirits, but in the opportunity cost and consequences of drinking. Decide if the price is right for you.
• Health Problems – Significant damage to the brain and liver.
• Depression and suicide – Alcohol can fuel depression and suicidal tendencies.
• Amnesia – Amnesia means the loss of memory; forgetfulness. Alcohol leads to temporary and even permanent amnesia.

Breaking Free from Binge Drinking

• Set limits for yourself and stick to them
• Try having a ’spacer’ – alternating non-alcoholic drinks with alcoholic drinks
• Drink slowly. Take sips not gulps
• Try low alcohol alternatives
• Eat before or while you are drinking, avoid salty snacks, they make you thirsty
• Have one drink at a time, so you can keep track
• Avoid sculling competitions, and drinking games
• Stay busy – don’t just sit and drink
• Be assertive – don’t be pressured into drinking more than you want or intend to.

Seven Humorous Side effects of Alcohol…. And remedies!!! (Courtesy of Sam @ Kasarani.com)

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.

Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).

Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.

Cause: You’re lying on the floor.

Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.

Cause: You’re looking through an empty glass.

Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.

Cause: You’re being dragged away.

Cure: At least ask where they’re taking you!

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.

Cause: You have your glass on your ear.

Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.

Cause: You’re in the wrong house.

Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.

Cause: You’re in an ambulance.

Cure: Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job.

Are you an Alcoholic?

Alcoholism refers to any condition that result in the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages despite health problems and negative social consequences.

The Journal of the American Medical Association defines alcoholism as “a primary, chronic disease characterized by impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking.”

The CAGE questionnaire, named for its four questions may be used to screen patients quickly in a doctor’s office. Two “yes” responses indicate that the respondent should be investigated further. The questionnaire asks the following questions:

1. Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?

2. Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?

3. Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?

4. Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?

The following test has been adapted from the NCADD Self -Test” (National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence – USA)

1.  Do you ever drink heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone?

2. Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started to drink?

3. Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening, even though your friends said that you did not pass out?

4. When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others won’t know about?

5. Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?

6. Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?

7. Are you in more of a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be?

8. Has a family member or close friend ever expressed concern or complained about your drinking?

9. Have you been having more memory ‘blackouts’ recently?

10. Do you often want to continue drinking after your friends say they’ve had enough?

11. Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?

12. When you’re sober, do you sometimes regret things you did or said while drinking?

13. Have you tried switching brands or drinks, or following different plans to control your drinking?

14. Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?

15. Have you ever had a DWI (driving while intoxicated) or DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) violation, or any other legal problem related to your drinking?

16. Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?

17. Are you having more financial, work, school and/or family problems as a result of your drinking?

18. Has your physician ever advised you to cut down on your drinking?

19. Do you eat very little or irregularly during the periods when you are drinking?

20. Do you ever feel depressed or anxious before, during or after of heavy drinking?

Any “yes” answer indicates that you may be at a greater risk for alcoholism.  More than one “yes” answer may indicate the presence of an alcohol-related problem or alcoholism, and the need for consultation with a alcoholism professional.

Summary

The true cost of alcohol is very high. The cons outweigh the pros. Decide if you are willing to pay such a high price in your life before you have the next drink. Moderation is the key, but quitting is gold.

If you have any comments on the true cost of alcohol or a different opinion on any issue, please feel free to post in the comments section. Your comments are most welcome.

Today’s post is aimed at inspiring the sexually active amongst us to have wholesome and long term success in health. This post may not endear me to the church and many people may not agree with all I say, but that is all good. This blog post will only be useful for those willing to save their lives from the jaws of sexually transmitted diseases.

Power, Sex and Money

This blog exists to inspire you to be the best you can be. I hope that by reading this blog, you will be inspired to attain success in various aspects of life. In the current series (health series), I am writing to encourage you to take active steps to succeed in physical health and wellness.

The other areas of success that I have been writing about (and will be writing about) include financial freedom, careers, home & family, social & relationships and character. I hope you become successful in all areas of life. However, there are some obstacles along the way, and I will do my best to point them out to you.

I have found that the more successful one becomes, in power and money terms, the more readily sex becomes available. There is a strong connection between power, sex and money for some strange reason. It is not uncommon to hear of powerful men getting caught up in a web of sexual controversies. Maybe power and money are aphrodisiacs but I will save that for a future blog post perhaps.

Unfortunately, when sex starts falling like manna from heaven, many people get careless. They start sleeping with multiple partners without regard for consequences. It is like hanging out on Australian beaches all day without sunscreen. Something will burn you.

The Joy of Unprotected Sex

You would think that in this day and age people would be more careful about having unprotected sex. Many people, either out of ignorance or a morbid desire for punishment have unprotected sex with strangers. The joy of unprotected sex is akin to jumping from a high rise building. The only difference is that those practicing unprotected sex smile and scream in ecstasy as they jump off to destruction.

I come from Kenya, a country that has one of the highest HIV/Aids prevalence in the world. The 2008 UN Report on the global AIDS epidemic indicates that there are between 1.5 and 2 millions Kenyan Adults and Children are living with Aids. Those are shocking numbers and I feel it is my duty to inspire my blog readers, many of whom are from Kenya to do what they need to do to protect themselves from Aids and other sexually transmitted diseases.

In 2007, an estimated 33.2 million people lived with the disease worldwide, and it killed an estimated 2.1 million people, including 330,000 children. Over three-quarters of these deaths occurred in sub-Saharan Africa, retarding economic growth and destroying human capital. The fear of potentially having the disease has an even bigger impact on economic growth in my opinion.

NB. Not all cases of Aids are due to unprotected sex. But the focus of this blog post is staying safe by practicing safe sex.

The Impact of Unprotected Sex

A night of pleasure may lead to one or more sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancy. If you want to succeed in life, truly, avoid unprotected sex like a plague.

• Sexually Transmitted Diseases – These are diseases that can be transmitted from one person to another due to unprotected sex. There are more than 25 diseases that are transmitted through sexual activity.Other than HIV, the most common STDs are Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Genital Herpes, Human Papillomavirus, Hepatitis B, Trichomoniasis, and Bacterial Vaginosis. There is a full menu to choose from for someone who wants to eat from that buffet.
• Emotional and Psychological Impact – After a night of passion, some people might not think much about it other than the pleasure. But for others, the morning after brings guilt and fear of what might have happened. Many campus pharmacists and nurses meet scared female students looking for a “morning after” pill in fear that they may have gotten pregnant. Sometimes the girls may delay in taking action and end up procuring an abortion. Abortions lead to psychological trauma that lives with the person for years to come.The uncertainty of whether one has procured a sexually transmitted disease or infection may sap morale and decrease productivity. Unsafe sex is a costly action in all counts.

Safer Sex Guidelines

• Safe activities have no risk for spreading HIV. Abstinence (never having sex) is totally safe. A South African preacher recently put it very simply for his male listeners “Give your d*** back to the Lord“. Abstinence is as safe as it gets.
• Sex with just one partner is safe as long as neither one of you is infected and if neither one of you ever has sex or shares needles.
• To be safe, assume that your sex partners are infected with HIV. You can’t tell if people are infected by how they look. They could be lying if they tell you they are not infected, especially if they want to have sex with you. Some people got HIV from their steady partners who were unfaithful “just once”.
• Drugs and Alcohol before sex decreases the probability of practicing safe sex. Avoid those vices and you will be less likely to have unprotected sex.
• Keep a packet of condoms near by. It is better to use condoms than get infected. The Church will tell you to abstain. If you cannot abstain, at least be safe about it; use condoms.
• For more information on HIV, please visit http://www.aids.org/factSheets/index.html

Bonus Video – Vuta Pumz

The song is basically a Public Service Announcement (PSA) to Kenyan young men and women about HIV/ AIDS. It also is a caution to them about their sexual practices and the fact that they are not invincible. On the other hand it encourages those who are already infected with the HIV virus to take Anti retroviral drugs, and basically take care of themselves. The song has an important message for every segment of the youth and is done in a way that speaks directly to the youth instead of speaking AT them. (Video commentary courtesy of Youtube user orchard80)

Summary

To succeed in life, you must cover all the bases. Today’s blog post was about insuring your health by living safely. The best way to heal yourself from sexual disease is to avoid unsafe sex. Unsafe sex leads to STDs and has a big impact on emotional and psychological stability.

If you are already infected, take good care of yourself and do not spread the disease to others.

If you have any questions, comments or anything to add on the topic of safe sex, please post below. I would love to hear your comments and inspirational message on how we can lead safer lives.

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Net Calories Intake

Yesterday we talked about the health benefits of eating right. I mentioned that the amount of food that you eat per day (intake) minus the amount of energy that you burn through daily activities and exercise (output) equals your net calories.

To maintain your ideal weight, you should seek to burn out any excess calories consumed in a given day. You need to reduce your net calorie intake (through exercise) when seeking to lose weight.

Why Exercise Daily?

The Power of Compounding: Burning an extra 200 calories per day is easier than trying to lose 1400 calories one day a week. There is a cumulative benefit to exercise, for example in muscle development. The more you exercise the stronger you become and the better you get at handling tougher exercise routines. Just like a saving plan, it is more effective to start early.

Types of Exercise

According to Wikipedia, Exercises are generally grouped into three types depending on the overall effect they have on the human body:

• Flexibility exercises, such as stretching, improve the range of motion of muscles and joints.
• Aerobic exercises, such as cycling, swimming, walking, rowing, running, hiking or playing tennis, focus on increasing cardiovascular endurance.
• Anaerobic exercises, such as weight training, functional training or sprinting, increase short-term muscle strength.

Benefits of Exercise

1. Exercise in combination with a balanced diet, helps maintain healthy weight
2. Sticking to an exercise program helps develop mental discipline to take on many challenges in life.
3. It helps develop valuable character traits such as persistence, follow up and commitment.
4. Exercise helps in building confidence and body image.
5. Exercise helps in relaxation, stress relief and emotional stability.
6. Exercise helps keep away fat and diseases. The time and money spent in exercise pales in comparison to time and money that would be spent fighting diseases.
7. Exercise helps improve strength and tenacity to take on challenges.
8. Improves psychological well-being

Barriers to Exercise

Everybody finds a reason not to exercise from time to time. The following are some of the most common reasons cited for not being disciplined enough to exercise.

• Lack of time due to work or family commitments.
• Lack of equipment or gym membership.
• Lack of facilities nearby.
• Personal safety when exercising outdoors alone.
• Poor weather or night-time lighting.

A Poor Man’s Exercise Guide

In tough economic times, many people quote lack of gym membership fees as the main reason for not exercising. The following are types of exercises that you can do at no cost.

• Walking out doors. Walk to the shops, alight from the bus or park your car a kilometer or more from your destination and walk.
• Sit ups and Push ups in the house. Before you even get out of bed in the morning, do 10 stomach crunches while lying flat on your mattress. Increase daily by one until you get up to 100.
• Weight Lifting – Find something heavy to lift! J
• Running or Cycling
• Get an exercise friend to do joint exercise.
• Sports – Join a football team or any sports team.

Find Thirty Campaign

The Find thirty ^® campaign is an Australia States Government initiative that encourages people to be sufficiently active for good health. The campaign states that 30 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity on most days of the week is all you need.

Some of the recommendations of this campaign are:

1. Set goals

Set goals for your activity that are specific and realistic.  You may find it beneficial to set short, medium and long-term goals. Revisit regularly and if necessary amend your goals to ensure they are still achievable.

Reward yourself when you reach your goals. This can give you a great sense of achievement and confidence.

2. Be active with others

Be active with friends or family. Make a regular time to meet to go walking or take part in other activities.  This way you can motivate and encourage one another and have fun at the same time.

3. Make physical activity a part of your day

Include physical activity in your daily routine. Set your alarm for thirty minutes earlier each morning or use your lunch break to go for a walk.

You can also:

• Walk somewhere to eat your lunch
• Take the stairs instead of the lift
• Walk or cycle with your children to school or for other short trips
• Leave the car at home and take public transport
• Park your car a 10-15 minute walk away from your destination.

4. Choose an activity that you enjoy

There are lots of fun activities for you to enjoy. How about salsa dancing, aqua aerobics, Pilates, bush walking or gardening?

http://www.findthirtyeveryday.com.au

Summary

Exercise is very important for your health. You should seek to benefit from daily exercise. Avoid excuses including those of lack or time or money. There are viable alternatives for the willing. You should seek to find at least 30 minutes of exercise everyday.

I would love to hear from readers. Do you exercise everyday? Are you a member of a health club? What handy tips can you give us about exercise?

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Nutrition Basics

There are seven major classes of nutrients: carbohydrates, fats, fiber, minerals, protein, vitamins, and water. Just like your biology teacher said, you need to eat a healthy balanced diet with all classes of nutrients to support life.

Poor diet can have an injurious impact on health, causing deficiency diseases such as scurvy, beriberi, and kwashiorkor; health-threatening conditions like obesity and metabolic syndrome, and diseases such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and osteoporosis. (Wikipedia)

Nutritional science investigates the metabolic and physiological responses of the body to diet. Great strides have been made in the last century about the impact of food on our bodies. At a minimum, you should familiarize yourself with the basics of nutrition to ensure that you are feeding your body with the right kind of foods.

Body Mass Index (BMI)

BMI is a measure of weight proportionate to height. BMI is calculated by dividing a person’s weight (in kilograms) by his or her height (in meters, squared).

BMI is the most widely used diagnostic tool to identify weight problem within a population including: underweight, overweight and obesity. You can learn more about BMI from this Wikipedia Page.

Calculating your BMI is a useful first point of nutrition, dieting and exercise programs. It helps you determine if you need to lose weight, or gain weight. There are many free online BMI calculators. For example this page.

Calorie Counting

A calorie is the unit of measure for the amount of energy released when the body breaks down food. It is the measure of energy value of food. Not all foods are created equal. Some foods have higher calorie density than others. For example, chocolates have a very high calorie density. Fruits and vegetables have lower calorie density.

There are many online calculators for the recommended daily calorie intake. Eating more than your recommended daily calorie intake will make you add weight.

The amount of food that you eat per day (intake) minus the amount of energy that you burn through daily activities and exercise (output) equals your net calories.

Metabolism Rate

Metabolism is the sum of all the chemical and physical changes that take place in your body to keep it growing and functioning. People have different metabolism rates, and that is why some people eat a whole lot without gaining weight proportionately.

If you need to lose weight, boosting your metabolism rate is a great way of burning stored fat. You can boost your metabolism rate by building muscles, exercising and the choice of foods you take. Foods that are high in dietary fiber are great for boosting metabolism rate.

Emotional Eating

Emotional eating means eating in response to emotions instead of hunger pangs. When people are happy they rush for their favorite dish. When lonely they run for another dish.  Emotional eating, unlike hunger eating comes very suddenly. You get to feel like you need that kind of food right now. Emotional eating may leave feelings of guilt especially for people trying to control their weight.

Food Cravings & Habits

Pregnant women experience food cravings as a result of their body working 24/7 to feed two or three people (in case of twins). The cravings may signal the lack of certain nutrients in the body and as such, they should eat what their body craves.

Some food cravings are not driven by any dietary requirements. They are driven by taste, texture, color, aroma and temperature.  In Kenya (where I and President Obama’s father came from), many people experience the craving for “Nyama Choma” (roast meat), after the first beer. Passing by a “Nyama Choma” joint produces an instant craving based on the aroma. We need to be careful about eating just because of cravings as opposed to nourishment.

Binge Eating

I know someone who was expelled from an “All You Can Eat“ restaurant. Yes. Expelled!

Some people eat too much food. Too much of anything is poisonous. Binge eating is when a person rapidly consumes an excessive amount of food. It also means eating an unusually large amount of food at one time — more than a normal person would eat in the same amount of time. Avoid binge eating at all costs.

See Food Diet

Some people cannot resist the sight or aroma of food. They see it, they want it. They smell it they want it.

Having a controlled eating habit is a good way of avoiding “see food diets”. Determine in advance what you are going to eat during the day instead of reacting to what the world or fridge presents. Many “see food dieters” are easily influenced by advertisements and commercials about food.

Fast Food Diet

Fast food joints are a first stop for many “See food dieters”. Fast food joints (Junk Food Joints) have perfected the art of food advertising and appealing to impulses of millions.

I remember one of our teachers in high school telling us that “junk food = junk brain”. Of course at the time, his views did not resonate with us students. Having junk food, in our opinion, beat the crappy school food on all counts. There was nothing as enjoyable as eating “Luthuli Chips” when everyone else was rushing to the school dinning hall. Do you find yourself loving junk food instead of healthier food choices? I know the feeling.

Healthy Recipes

Instead of eating fast foods you should create a few healthy recipes. There are many recipe ideas on the net but in general make sure that your recipe reflects your body’s nutritional requirements.

If you are planning to lose weight, have a healthy recipe that is low in fat, high in fibre and low in calorie density.

Summary

I have only scratched the surface on this wide and fascinating topic of food and nutrition. It is something that we do a few times a day. It is surprising that many people do not pay attention to what they eat and the implications to their long term health. Paying attention on what you consume will have a big impact on your level of success in your physical health and wellness.

I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas on how food impacts our lives, or if you have any handy tips for maintaining proper diet, losing weight, gaining muscle and fighting disease through healthy eating.

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Wealth without health is like a jet without fuel. We can only go so far without good health; therefore before we try to soar like eagles, we should sharpen focus on our health.

Many people do not really think of their health or take active steps to improve and sustain their health especially when all is well. I have been guilty of neglecting taking healthy choices in life. I know a lot of my friends too ignore or are not aware of the healthy choices and how they impact on our success.

Poor health interrupts the trajectory of success in million ways. Until one year ago, I was virtually blind to the consequences of some of my actions on my health. I hope to inspire you to take a look at your sins of omission and commission as far as your health goes.  I am not a qualified medical professional, but I am a human being with a mind and body. This new series will be about re-schooling me and you on health issues.

What is Healthy Living?

The World Health Organization defines health as a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. I hope to address a few areas of life and health to help trigger healthy living and healthy choices by you and me.

Good health is achieved through a combination of physical, emotional, social and most importantly mental well-being. How we live, what we eat and what we do impacts on our health.

It is much harder to be happy when ill than when enjoying peak health. It is every person’s dream to have good health to go with the good times. Do not neglect your health in your quest for success. A few minutes of thinking about your health, and doing something about it, may make all the difference.

The same principles of success that we have looked at on this blog previously can be applied to healthy living. For example:

• The Power of Focus – Focus on your health status and think of how your actions impact your health. Many people ignore their bodies and their health requirements. They ignore the visit to the dentist when they do not have a toothache. They ignore exercise when they are not obese. You should focus on what the experts say about healthy living instead of being oblivious to the facts.
• The Power of Discipline – Discipline means doing the right thing at the right time to achieve the desired goals. If you set yourself a diet plan or an exercise program, be sure to stick to it. You need to do that day in day out. You can only do that if you have the power of discipline in you.
• The Power of Visualization – If you have been involved in an accident or are suffering from injury, you need to visualize your return to good health. Healing starts in the mind. You need to be able to visualize the kind of health you want and make choices based on that. If you want to have a trim body, visualizing your end game may help you make healthier diet choices.
• The Power of Commitment - Your health is not going away. You need to commit to taking care of your body for life. The power of commitment to your health is what will add to or shave your years on earth.
• The Value of Specialized Knowledge – With the internet now, you can research any condition that you may have. You may still need to visit your doctor but the plethora of information available will help you get access to the proper health care that you need.If you are suffering from any disease, learn as much as possible about it and what you may do to improve your health.Even when not suffering from any disease, it is good to equip yourself with specialized knowledge about your body. For example you can learn all there is to learn about how your food choices affect your diet.
• The Power of Action – Talking about health is not enough. We need to be able to take action to improve and maintain our health. This series will focus on actionable steps we can take towards healthy living.

• You reap what you sow – If you are planning to enjoy a bumper harvest as far as your health is concerned; then you need to plant the right kind of seeds. Excessive consumption of alcohol is not the recipe for a healthy liver ten years from now. Smoking is not the answer for healthy lungs. Be careful about the seeds you sow in the garden of health.

Aspects of Health

• Physical Health – Physical fitness refers to good body health, and is the result of regular exercise, proper diet and nutrition, and proper rest for physical recovery. I hope to inspire you to take good care of your body, be more conscious about what you consume and also to take active steps to protect yourself from the effects of poor health choices. I have been fortunate to work with one of the top dieticians in Australia in the last year. I will share some vital lessons that I have learnt from him, later in this series.
• Mental Health – The World Health Organization defines mental health as “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”. We shall delve into a few areas of mental health in this series with a strong focus on how emotional health determines your success.According to Wikipedia, one way to think about mental health is by looking at how effectively and successfully a person functions. Feeling capable and competent; being able to handle normal levels of stress, maintain satisfying relationships, and lead an independent life; and being able to “bounce back,” or recover from difficult situations, are all signs of mental health.

Summary

I have tried to introduce this new series without giving away too much about what topics I will be touching on. But broadly speaking, we shall be looking at how to make better choices to improve and sustain our physical, emotional and mental health. I encourage you to read all the articles in this series. Success without health is not complete.

Have a healthy day!

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